Fun Police [Poptart]

@"Poptart"

Today was a good day!

At least, it was a good day to Wrath.

He'd woken up that day, had a cup of tea with five sugars--like always--and he'd then gone to school and sat in exactly none of his classes and instead spent the day in the combat hall, beating up a bunch of kids even after they very politely and then very impolitely asked him to leave. Something about him disrupting their place of learning and something else about maritime laws about weapon handling, he wasn't really listening that closely.

Plus, he'd even tricked this nice man into going down an alleyway with him and letting him cut off his arms and legs! Well, he didn't consent to the arms and legs thing, but if you're gonna follow what you think is a little boy in booty shorts into a dark secluded alleyway you're consenting to a lot of fine print. This guy should have been aware of that.

Actually, now that he thought about it, moving the torso to his other shoulder, this week had been pretty great for him. Greed had left for a business trip last Thursday with Pride. He left Envy in charge, like he always did--seriously fuck the both of them--but that meant that he could basically do whatever he wanted with no consequences! Really, Envy had no control over him, all she could do was put her hand on her hips and glare at him and maybe body swap when he started threatening to break a chair over her head.

Fuck her with something covered in sandpaper really.

But he'd gotten away with a lot of fun stuff! Set part of the park on fire and that had been fun, he'd extorted some money out of some people and used it to buy several illegal substances that he'd pinned on someone else, and a load of other stuff that Greed would usually stop him in the middle of doing.

But not now!

Rather than fumble with his key, he tossed his new pal in through the open window and hopped in after it, landing right on top of him as it squirted rancid blood all over one of the nicer sofas. Ah well.

He rolled off of it and was about to take his new decoration up to his room when his nose caught a whiff of the shitty cologne his so-called "dad" wore. Seriously, it stank more than the corpse he'd been hefting.

He supposed that meant his week of freedom was over.

"Great," he mumbled to himself, casting a sidelong glance to the source of the burning, terrible stench. "Here comes the fun police."

Wrath cast a sidelong glance towards the source of the smell. For a brief moment he'd hoped that he was mistaken. He didn't want to believe that Greed had come home early just to spite him and his one week of freedom but there he was, standing in all his stupid, fun-hating glory, looking at the mess he'd just made.

One of the maid's screamed and fainted. She must have been new.

"Yo, Greed." He said, grabbing his new arm-less and legless friend by the back of the neck, regarding him slowly. He was sure that one of the maid's fucking tattled on him and all the shit he'd gotten up to, and he knew that he would punished because of fucking course he always was but he also knew that no matter how much he was punished Lust would almost definitely get punished worse. He always tried to warn him but it seemed like no matter how much he tried to explain it to him it never seemed to pierce Dulce's skull.

Rampant destruction was one thing. Sullying their Catholic name however--

What was even the point of that wasn't this a family of demons anyway?

"Did you have fun traipsing around Europe?" He asked, dusting himself off before sitting on the arm of the already gored couch, removing his shoes and tossing them to a maid that was standing around. "Eat a lot of yummy food, taste some sweet wine?"

He felt the prickle of his body that always came when he was being ordered. He gave Greed a level stare before sighing and grabbing a trash bag, picking up all the broken glass first. He hated being a part of this sin 'family'--of course, the digs were sweet and the food was good and it certainly felt better than being in his home dimension or wrapped up in the struggles of a shitty warlord who made him fight and kill all the fucking time, but this he could do without.

The demon grabbed a fistful of glass and threw it into the bag, feeling it pierce his skin and make him bleed, but he didn't care much right now.

"Ya know, if you're gonna leave us here and put Envy," he snarled out her name, almost as if it was a blockage in his throat. "in charge, there's really no one to blame but yourself. Since when has she been the boss of anyone? Never, by my count."

He licked at his hand that had been cut up, using uninjured hand to grab his conquest and drop it into the trash bag with the glass, tying it tightly and passing it off to Margo. She was his personal favorite maid, hands down.

"There!" He said, showing his palms to greed in an approximation of jazz hands. "All clean!"

Wrath was half listening to Greed as he stood over there posturing to himself. This whole thing... this family was just a stupid, sick charade he'd cooked up. Something to make artificial ties last a lifetime. Something to fill a vacant, lazy hole he made himself. When he thought about it the temporal demon had to keep from gagging... it was stupid. All it was was rules, regulations, people telling him what he couldn't do and what he could.

At times like this he missed being with Razzy. It had been fun being with him. It had been much harder work, protecting his claim of servants and land from uppity demons and bandits, but it had been rewarding. Much more rewarding than this. What was the point of this? Sitting around doing nothing...

Greed never even had any orders for him unless he was actually acting wrathful, in which case his orders were almost always to stop! What the FUCK had he been summoned for?! This was a waste of both of their time!

At the mention of macaroons for him, he stopped and listened.

"Esmeralda is just here to facilitate the household. You're old enough to recognize good and bad actions, Micah. You know your effect on people. You know about consequences. Why persist in your deviant behavior?"

...and tuned right back out.

"That's the point, isn't it Greed?" He said, leaving the trash bag at Margo's feet as he propped himself on the arm of the couch again. His eyes glinted red, but it wasn't a show of power or a threat--it was mostly just a result of extreme agitation. Greed already knew that because he had his tethers he couldn't harm him. "Chaos. Wrath. Ruin. That's my job. I'm not here to play house. I'm not here to sit in a family circle-jerk Greed! If all you're gonna do is have me running around this shithole with my thumb in my ass then I'd rather you just put two hot ones in the base of my neck and send me fucking home!"

When he let out a huff from his nose actual smoke came out. Whatever. It's not like Greed would listen. "Even if I wanted to participate in this absolute travesty, you're not doing a very good job playing the part of the dad, Greed." He said, picking up the bag and following his so-called father.

Wrath followed Greed as he walked, holding the back not unlike how Santa apparently carried his Christmas presents. The trees loomed around him and he regarded the little spot with a half-annoyed glance. This was so stupid. Still, this was the longest he'd interacted with another sin without one of them telling him to piss off.

It was the little things.

He picked up the shovel.

The temporal demon let out a little smile. "Well, of course I go against it. I play video games. I eat cake, and drink tea. I buy tons of pretty clothes. I decorate my room. I watch TV." He pushed the shovel into the dirt. It felt soft and pliant. "Just like you. You're not screwing people over for a few dollars and cents all the time, but there's always the underlying feeling that you could use more money. Because you're Greed. You are greedy. You want money. You want people. You want material things and so give in to those feelings and you get them."

He pulled the spade up, tossing dirt over his shoulder. "It's the same way for me. Do you think that I should be better than you? I should always restrain my wrath? How's that fair?"

Another shovelful. "I have a theory, you know. About you. See... you've got a sin bias. I've seen it in action. Greed, Pride, Envy, Sloth... that's stuff that's internal. Being greedy, prideful, envious, or... slothful? Slothy? ....Lazy," He said, gesturing it through. "Are character flaws. They don't involve other people unless you wanna. Or they get in your way." He pressed the shovel in, giving it a solid kick. "But Lust, Wrath, and Gluttony... that shit's nothing but external struggle. There's no way to be Wrathful without harming people. No way to sate lust without a few bedfellows. No way to fulfill a gluttonous urge but with a nice pile of human bones picked clean."

Wrath paused and focused on opening up the hole wider before continuing his dig.

"If you wanna be a good dad, in my opinion you could start by dealing with that sin bias." Wrath chuckled and gave the shovel a good hard kick. "After all, I disappoint you by virtue of not being able to sit quietly with and stew with my sin, what's the point? Why bother stressing myself out when I finally indulge in some sweet catharsis i have a reprimand waiting at "home"?"

"You sounds like an Orwellian horror." Wrath commented, digging the whole deeper as he went. He cocked an eyebrow at Greed and smiled big. "N~ O~ P~ E~!" He said in a singsong voice, his body mechanically digging the hole deeper. Much like he was digging his own hole deeper. Somehow this felt poignant. He wondered if he could apply this to the rest of his life.

Nah. Surely he was thinking too much.

He chuckled. "If you really think about it, I'm doing Manta Carlos a favor!" Wrath said, pausing in his digging and looking up a Greed, leaning ever so casually on the handle of the spade. "I mean this shitlord over here's a wanted pedophile. I made the street safer for everyone! Ain't that good press?"

Wrath resumed his digging. "Micah Lopez, Pedophile Murderer. Has a nice ring if you ask me."

As the spade moved the dirt, the demon's eats twitched a little at the sound of Greed trying to make a deal. In Wrath's opinion he wasn't even doing anything wrong to begin with, and it was pointless for him to try to come up with some sort of conducive usage of the energy. That was the point though, wasn't it? The sins were made to be fallacies in the human condition, like a disease spread thickly over its inhabitants. Trying to fit in with humans, with mortals was stupid! It was easily the most pointless thing he could imagine.

He let out a long exhale. "Honestly? Not really." Wrath muttered. "Shit like that never works you know. Does that mean you're gonna start doin' stuff out of the kindness of your old shriveled up black heart? I'd love to see that."

Part of him wanted front row seats to see Greed donating money to starving Natives, or war reliefs, something that wasn't his stupid Catholic "rebuild churches to absolve me of all the blood on my hands".

"But," Wrath said, checking to see if his hole was deep enough to adequately bury the body. "I'm game to give it a shot. It'd be nice to kill something without you chewing me out like a yappy dog everyday."