Forget What We're Told

As if he knew her exact thought process, he muttered, "At least I didn't smoke anything," with a sigh. He knew his cousin well, almost well enough to predict her thoughts when he added his empathy powers to the mix. At the moment, though, his powers were all a bit haywire because of the alcohol lingering in his system.

"I don't want you to blame anyone, I guess," he said, groaning at the meer thought of trying to pin the blame. There were too many options, too many choices, too many possible reasons for everything that had transpired to actually pick one out. All that was left was to move on with his miserable life.

Well, that explained who had made coffee. "Maybe I'll go have a cup," he said, again propping himself up before rolling over onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. Coffee would be nice right about now... Warm coffee, with lots of sugar.

What she said next, though, made his eyes widen. "I WHAT?!" he yelled, suddenly clapping a hand over his mouth as he realized Nikkolai would hear. "Good God, what the Hell was I thinking..." he bemoaned, rubbing his eyes with both hands. "Christ, he probably thinks I'm a total ass- I am a total ass," he corrected himself, knowing that there was no way he could possibly make up for this one. How the Hell do you say sorry for that? "He probably won't speak to me again," he admitted with a downtrodden sigh, quietly enough so that Nikki wouldn't hear him in the kitchen, adding, "Not that I blame him..."

Ack, more quick, stinging twinges of pain from her loud voice. Hadn't he suffered enough abuse from her already? Yeesh... He might've messed up big time, but in the end, he only wound up hurting himself, right?

Well...

From what Cass said...

His heart sank as she began her explanation. There were snippets of events coming back to him, albeit slowly, and in muddled patches. It was like watching a movie through foggy glasses, everything was blurred together. Ugh, but she was right... He had done all those things.

Still, he had to admit that Cass had a point. Why would he do all those things if he was truly angry? He sighed, too confused and in too much pain to try and think about it anymore. The whole ordeal made him want to bury his head in the pillow again, but he obviously couldn't when Cass was ruffling his hair. "Guess so," he said, offering a slight smile.

"I didn't plan on it," he muttered, referring to staying in bed all day. He smirked as she mentioned wanting to watch, saying, "Your shounen-ai fantasies probably aren't getting fulfilled anytime soon, sorry to say." Naturally, he had to roll his eyes at her reason for leaving- it was always appearances first with her. Still, at least she'd be out of the apartment, and he and Nikki could work things over in peace.

Things would turn out for the best this time around.

Haha, she was blushing! Oh, he'd been all too right, it was obvious. In the end, after all of her tormenting him, he'd managed to snatch away the last laugh. Victory was his, if only for the moment! He heard her leave, door clicking shut behind her. Thank God.

And then Nikki was standing in the doorway.

He'd been trying to think of what to say in the brief time span between Cass's exit and Nikki's entrance. He'd thought about apologizing, about staying silent, about making excuses... He couldn't even remember what he'd decided on anymore, though. The moment Nikkolai had stepped through the door, his prior thoughts were all dashed away like ashes in the wind. What could he say anyway? He'd already admitted that he loved Nikki, even if he knew the feeling wasn't reciprocated in the same way.

He really hadn't been expecting Nikkolai to come closer at all, even if he remained at the very edge of the foot of the bed. All he could manage was a nervous smile and a, "Yeah, I'm fine," before he gave an awkward laugh. God, the whole situation was just teeming with awkward feelings in the air, and not without good reason. Finally, Seth sighed, and began, "About last night..." before he trailed off. What could he say? There was no way he could make up for this, not if he couldn't even bring himself to talk about it! In the end, he just said, "I'm an awful friend," with a clearly pained grin and laugh.

Why was it that he had a habit of making people look away from him when he talked? It was becoming a problem to his self confidence. He could tell that Nikki was trying to find something to say, something to fill the horrendous void that was silence.

But what was this? When Nikki looked up again, his face was flushed, and he was shaking as if he was having a minor seizure. "Are you all right?" he said, before reaching a hand out to help steady his friend. Was he making his way towards him because he felt sick or something? No, it seemed like he was just nervous. Really, really nervous.

It gave him a lot of relief to hear Nikki telling him that he wasn't an awful friend, even though the flush on his face still worried him a little. He hoped that Nikki wasn't getting sick, especially not if it meant that he'd maybe given it to him yesterday.

And then he realized that there was a hand on his shoulder. His hand on Nikkolai's shoulder, Nikkolai's hand on his... Did he realize how close they were? Did he realize where his hand was? It was Seth's turn to be confused; he thought Nikki-

He was-

There was no way-

Somewhere, in the back of his head, he heard voices screaming in joy; Beethoven's "An die Freude," Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus," Rutter's, "Gloria," they all paled in comparison! Those words, that question, they'd set off an orchestra for him! He couldn't believe what he was hearing, it didn't make any sense! Nikkolai wasn't like that, he- Oh who he was arguing with, it didn't matter! Here he was, being asked such a simple yes or no question by the one he loved, and he was bothering to question it? Ha, he really must have been insane!

He moved his hands up to cup Nikki's face, holding him steady. He knew his poor friend was probably nervous beyond belief, hence the shaking... For a moment, he considered whether he should ask him to explain or not.

Just a moment. The answer came quickly enough.

Slowly, gently, he leaned in towards Nikkolai, making sure that the other could pull away at any moment if he wanted to. Lips brushed tentatively against lips before he wrapped both of his arms around the blonde, pulling closer to him. He deepened the kiss, pressing his lips more firmly against the other's before gently sucking upon his bottom lip, nibbling ever-so-lightly before he pulled back just an inch or so.

What should he say? He tried to find words, but there were none that seemed right. In the end, he settled for a quietness, one that seemed so very different from all the other ones they'd had to endure before. It was... Comfortable. Warm.

He gave a deeply contented sigh into their kiss as Nikki moved his hands to the nape of his neck. Those hands were warm, just like he'd imagined they probably would be... Warm and soft. He felt them move to his shoulders as they pulled away from each other slowly, opening his eyes as they did so.

Finally, he could give Nikkolai a real smile, one that wasn't muddled by grief or despair. He could tell that Nikkolai was probably still nervous; the deep breath that preluded his quick kiss was probably to help calm himself. The blonde had such a beautiful smile, and thinking on it, this was probably the first time he'd ever been able to smile because of something like this.

Yes, that seemed to be the case... Seth gave a slightly nervous chuckle, saying, "Sorry the first two were so bad," before it turned into regular laughter. What did that matter now? It was in the past; what was done was done.

The next thing Nikkolai said made his heart skip a beat, tripping over itself before it started up again. How long had he wanted to hear those words? Too long, he thought with a grin. When Nikkolai began to apologize and lose some of his brilliant smile, all Seth could do was pull him closer so that their bodies nearly touched.

"It's all right," he whispered softly into the other's ear, wrapping his arms around him. "I don't need to forgive you, there's nothing to forgive," he added, running his hands up and down Nikki's back as he leaned in to kiss those beautiful, soft lips once more.