First Session: Ishvi

The sun had set and Ishvi was staring at the door to this therapist's office wondering what had possessed him to come so early. He did prefer to be punctual, but he'd spent most of the last 15 minutes trapped in hesitation, desperately trying not to shift at the thought of actually talking to someone about his problems.

He'd been shifting too much the past week, his biases becoming more noticeable than they had been since he'd joined the Academy. He was breaking a little, even he could see that. Almost crying in public was bad enough, but he'd actually had to go throw up from stress while he was working and that was unacceptable. And a superior officer had recommended this man - he certainly didn't want the rest of the force to see his weakness.

Sighing, Ishvi knocked on the door firmly before opening it and looking in. He shoved his conflicted ball of emotions down as far as he could. He could do this. He refused to have a breakdown now. All they were going to do was talk. He was going to be strong. He could deal with this.

"Dr. Bryndisarson? It's Ishvi... Havilah. I have an appointment? I don't know how this -this- works."

@Romi

As much as he tried to hide and bury his emotions, Ishvi was honest by nature. His species alone was meant to reveal the truth, and everyone knew when he was lying. Even without his powers, his shifting under stress, his heart was written on his sleeve or his voice was so toneless and blank it was obvious he was suppressing his feelings.

When he entered Valli's office, he nodded politely, taking a seat on the opposite chair with only a little hesitation. But he could barely meet the other man's eyes, and he sat back as far in the chair as he could, arms folded over his chest, unconsciously trying to make himself seem smaller.

"Mr H- no, Ishvi, just Ishvi is fine." He'd always been somewhat proud of his last name, but lately things were changing. The family connection was confusing. "Oh... Do you prefer your first name? I just assumed because you're a, a professional..." He trailed off, not wanting to say what Valli was. It was just talk. They were just going to talk. He could handle this.

"I don't really talk to people a lot... how does this usually go?"

Ishvi was quiet. He still wasn't exactly used to talking to people under normal circumstances, and this felt anything but usual. So he listened politely, trying to pay attention to what Valli was saying, but not responding with much more than nods, and not moving from his defensive posture in the chair. He wasn't trying to be uncooperative, Or at least he didn't realize he was, he just didn't know what to say.

When Valli mentioned an aura, Ishvi did look a little closer. He hadn't had a lot of encounters with them that he recalled, but the ones he could remember had been less than pleasant. And his own didn't need mentioning since there was only a small window of time where it could be activated. It was not going to come up anyway. He was not going to shift, not going to be stressed. Just talking to a person. Nothing to worry about.

Tall, golden haired, presentable - Ishvi was suddenly reminded of the archangels and had to lower his face to hide his brief frown. And then his grimace when Valli referred to him as a patient. "Good. That's good. I don't want anyone to know-" (That I'm weak. That I'm not strong enough to keep these feelings buried. That I haven't moved on.) His thoughts were silent, but struggle was on his face. He couldn't quite meet the older man's eyes. "- about you. um It's not personal. I was told I should talk to someone and I'll talk. I just... i refuse to let it affect my work. It should not - it can't." Even Ishvi was unsure if he was talking about therapy or his issues or both with that statement.

"No one is in danger. I'm not.. crazy. I'm doing what I was told... I don't even know how it's supposed to help. Past is past."

"I don't know if it's a mental health issue... it's... I'm trying..." Ishvi frowned trying to gather his thoughts while keeping them disconnected from his emotions. Trying to think of how to explain what was wrong without showing how weak he was. How much less than a proper angel should be. "The issue is I'm not getting over things quickly enough. I'm not... a full angel..." He trailed off not wanting to say much more than that.

"Oh... I meant no offense. We never had something like therapy at home. People just ... Angels wouldn't have needed it. But I..." he shrugged uncomfortably, shrinking into himself. Then letting out a breath, he said everything all at once in an overly even tone, disconnecting. "I was told to talk to someone because I just found out my home was destroyed with mostly no survivors and the archangels, my leaders, lied when I left and said I had been exiled and fallen. I never fell. But it doesn't matter now. I'm... not dealing with it as well as I should. My shifting is sporadic. And I..." he lowered his voice to barely above a whisper, "I met another half-angel and I had to... step away... while I was on duty." Ishvi's voice had been bland until the last sentence, when his shame crept back in.

"Really? Actual angels?" Ishvi's voice was small. It was hard to believe Valli. Not only had people he still couldn't help but think of as perfect talked to someone, they'd talked to a person who wasn't also an angel... at least he thought so. But then perhaps ones that weren't from his home... merciful ones he had almost written off as myth.

He usually tried to avoid asking people their species to avoid offense, and to help with his bias, but he kind of had to know now. "Are you... an angel yourself?" Ishvi wasn't sure whether the idea was more frightening or comforting. "And you've talked to other -halfbreeds-?" The disgust loaded in that word was entirely self-directed and nearly unconscious. Ishvi couldn't meet Valli's eyes.

The look of horror on Ishvi's face when Valli asked if he'd taken time off was probably answer enough. The stress breaking through was nearly enough to make him shift, but he held off, blurting out, "No! It's the only stable thing I have left! I can't - I can't let this get so bad."