First Session: Agnes

EmiRose

EmiRose

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Agnes was fiddling with and spinning her drumsticks as she sat in front of the psychologist's office, and the tapping of her foot echoed in the empty space. Agnes had been unable to feel almost anything for many months now, aside from boredom or dark amusement, but this situation got her as vlose to nervous as she could get. The psychologist at the islets had been nice enough, and had convinced Agnes that she should give being a vampire and alive, in a way, a chance. Agnes didn't exactly want to die anymore, but she didn't exactly want to live either. Just surviving was enough. She didn't "want" to do or be anything, not in a way she once remembered she had wanted things before. And Agnes knew she was hopelessly broken, she was painfully aware of it. Well, it wasn't painful. Nothing hurt her, at least inside. Agnes looked at her arms, and the gloves covering the up until biceps. Under those gloves were arms full of burns. Agnes almost daily stuck her hands or legs into sun. She was addicted to the pain. It was human, like she had once been.

Agnes squeezed her hand into a fist, it hurt. She was wrong about not hurting inside. One thing hurt, but Agnes didn't let herself think about it. It hurt too much.
Agnes lifted her gaze up and resumed her mindless fidgeting, waiting for the psychologist to arrive.


@Romi
 
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Romi

Romi

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Mandatory therapy was, more or less universally, and awful time. The patients didn't like it, and generally speaking, Valli didn't either. People who entered therapy of their own free will tended to be more cooperative on average. They also tended to be less argumentative. The only time he'd ever been attacked by a patient in recent memory, they'd been there unwillingly.

He didn't like it, but he'd try anyway.

Valli popped open the door at the designated time, glancing outside and being surprised to find that his next patient was already there. Miss Flanagan, if he wasn't mistaken. He was used to people knocking, but it was understandable she maybe didn't want to disturb him.

"MIss Flanagan?" He asked, stepping aside and gesturing inside. "Come on in, and we can do introductions." He'd wait for her to come inside before he closed the door, letting her pick where she wanted to sit before taking a seat himself.

"My name is Valli Bryndisarson. You can call me Valli, Doctor Bryndisarson... whatever you'd like, effectively."
 
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It had not crossed Agnes' mind to knock, or it had and she had forgotten. Sometimes she was forgetful to an amusing degree. When the psychologist opened his door and called out to Agnes she lazily lifted her head and nodded a bit. It was a man this time, huh? Oh well, whatever. Agnes stood up and walked into the office and sat right down. She tucked her drumsticks into her back pocket but her leg kept fidgeting.

The psychologist introduced himself as Valli Bryndiarson, the name was so ridiculously nordic.
"I'm Agnes, though you already know that, right?"
Agnes shrugged a bit and leaned back in the chair, looking around the office nonchalantly. Her expression was stoic, maybe a bit bored.
"So, this gonna work the same like in the islets? Because I already promised I won't kill myself, so you don't need to give me a pep talk about that."
 
Romi

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"Agnes Flanagan, yes," Valli confirmed. "But people have different preferences for names, so I generally ask how people would like to be referred to." Some people preferred their last name. Some didn't care. But better to give them the option from the word go.

"The way we do things is fairly open ended. We'll talk about your life in general, if you have something you particularly want to discuss, you only need to let me know. Generally speaking, I start by going over the basics, just to refresh. First, I have an aura that makes me appear a bit more presentable than I might otherwise. This shouldn't affect your mindset or anything like that. Second, I won't acknowledge you if I see you in public as anything other than a stranger unless you do so first. Third, anything you say in here is strictly confidential, unless someone is in immediate danger."

Quick, simple, and to the point. She'd likely heard variations of the latter two repeatedly.

"I was actually going to start by asking you how your day has been going."
 
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As Valli spoke Agnes just listened and didn't say anything if not asked, that was how she had done it back in the islets too. Valli explained about some aura of his, and how he would act in public if they saw each other, and about confidentiality. It was all reasonable and routine and as usual Agnes couldn't bring herself to give a fuck or feel anything. So she just nodded, her leg twitching and tapping against the floor.

Agnes raised a brow when Valli asked how her day had been, so they went with this approach. Okay then. Agnes shrugged and leaned back, crossing her arms loosely.
"Like every other day. Just...living, not breathing, bored. How vampires usually spend their days."
Agnes said bored, but that was mostly speculation. She wasn't sure if she felt anything anymore, so she just presumed she felt bored.
 
Romi

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The choice of wording was interesting. How vampires usually spend their days. Valli raised an eyebrow, pondering the best way to word things.

"I should note," Valli said, "that while you have a rather extensive file, I chose not to read anything other than the most important details your therapist on the islets shared. I find that a new therapist is generally a good time to start fresh. Most importantly, I prefer to hear people's stories for themselves. It lets me get an understanding of what they feel is important, rather than what the therapist they were speaking to thought was important. If you'd prefer I read back through your case notes, I can, but generally I prefer to start fresh."
 
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Agnes looked at Valli with a observative look in her eyes, analyzing the man just as much he was in a way analyzing Agnes. She had figured Valli had her file, of course he did since this was mandatory for Agnes. She had come here expecting that he knew everything, or at least everything the scouts had been able to find out and what Agnes had shared. Which was almost everything. When she was found Agnes hadn't been in a clear enough state of mind to try and cover anything but small details.
"So, what? You want me to tell me my life story? Because that's how far I'll have to go if you want to know why I'm so fucked up. It would save you some time to just read my file yourself."
Agnes needed to do something with her hands so she pulled out one of her drumsticks and started spinning it absently, keeping her eyes on Valli.
"What parts of my file did you read? Suicidal? Self destructive? Traumatized? Well, guess the last one is obvious, why would I be here otherwise."
 
Romi

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"I kept it short," Valli said. "A history of suicidal tendencies. Trauma. Beyond that, very little. I don't want you to explain your history to me that way. Truthfully, I've almost never seen it work. Prompting a patient to simply bare their secrets... doesn't work. It feels equal parts too personal and impersonal. Instead, I prefer to focus on what matters... namely, what do you hope to get out of therapy? While your therapy is mandatory, that doesn't mean you can't have things you hope to address through therapy."
 
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Just the most important parts indeed. Trauma and suicidal tendencies. Agnes really thought she'd been pretty stupid to try and kill herself, and though she still sometimes thought about it she didn't actively want to do it.
Agnes looked around the room briefly when Valli asked what she wanted out of therapy and she shrugged.
"I know what's wrong with me. Which is that I can't feel anything. And I know why I am like that. But I have no idea how to get better without trying to kill myself again."
Agnes squeezed her other hand into a fist briefly and felt a twinge of pain from yte burns on her hand.
"Suppose it'd be nice to actually feel something again, not pretend."
 
Romi

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That was... direct. Kind of pointed. But Valli nodded just the same. She was out of touch with her emotions. She felt nothing at all. She wanted to... get them back, to feel in tune. Simple enough, except she insisted she knew why she felt nothing.

"Can you explain why you feel you are incapable of feeling things?" He expected 'trauma' was going to be the answer he'd get. Or 'things were so bad I turned off my emotions'.
 
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