Hari laughed in a self-deprecating manner. He wasn't going to deny it. For a virgin at the time, he was a little too quick to convince to get into bed with Sebastian. He wondered what kind of person he would be if he didn't have his powers. It felt like he would be pretty easy. He wondered if he would go down the same path as Sebastian. He took another bite of his rice ball, trying to distract himself from what he was feeling.
"I don't think it's an imitation. Hermann Hesse tried to depict an emotion that people really do feel." He should stop being so long-winded. He cleared his throat. "What I mean is, everything you're feeling right now is perfectly valid. You are allowed to be upset and distressed. But... I don't like the idea of you defining your life based on your pain. I... I know how it feels. You feel like the situation can't change, that the sad times would stretch on forever. I get depressive episodes and some of the pills I take in the morning are for that. Depression."
Which was why he had a therapist in the first place. Hari would spend days sleeping in and not eating. Sometimes, they would rush him to the infirmary just to give him IV so he wouldn't die. The thought of eating food in those days would make him vomit in the literal sense.
He gingerly took a bite of his rice ball, assuring himself that, yes, this still had its taste.
That wasn't even the worse part. He had attempted to kill himself before. Usually through slicing his wrists, but a couple of times due to overdose. All of his ventures failed, and they only ended up with him in the infirmary missing several days of class. It was why his doctor watched him like a hawk these days. He really needed the roommate so he would get discouraged from doing terrible stuff while he was alone.
He wasn't going to tell Sebastian that. He worried about him enough.
He picked up some turkey and sat next to Sebastian, close enough so their arms were bumping. He had to grin when he told him he shined despite everything. He always thought he was the glum one, that Sebastian was the sunshine, and that made his heart do somersaults in his chest. He thought to himself that he never wanted Sebastian to go down the road he did, one of madness and self harm, so he would help him even if he felt like he was beyond help.
"I know it is," Hari said softly. "I don't expect everything to change instantly. Recovery takes time and effort, and it seems really scary, I know, I've been there. But we can take it one day at a time. Give you small doses of new things, see if you might pick up something you like. Maybe this week we can try music. Ride horses the next. It doesn't have to be all at once, but the point is to try, even a little. Do you think we can do that?"
He reached out to squeeze Sebastian's hand. "I'll be beside you every step of the way."
"I don't think it's an imitation. Hermann Hesse tried to depict an emotion that people really do feel." He should stop being so long-winded. He cleared his throat. "What I mean is, everything you're feeling right now is perfectly valid. You are allowed to be upset and distressed. But... I don't like the idea of you defining your life based on your pain. I... I know how it feels. You feel like the situation can't change, that the sad times would stretch on forever. I get depressive episodes and some of the pills I take in the morning are for that. Depression."
Which was why he had a therapist in the first place. Hari would spend days sleeping in and not eating. Sometimes, they would rush him to the infirmary just to give him IV so he wouldn't die. The thought of eating food in those days would make him vomit in the literal sense.
He gingerly took a bite of his rice ball, assuring himself that, yes, this still had its taste.
That wasn't even the worse part. He had attempted to kill himself before. Usually through slicing his wrists, but a couple of times due to overdose. All of his ventures failed, and they only ended up with him in the infirmary missing several days of class. It was why his doctor watched him like a hawk these days. He really needed the roommate so he would get discouraged from doing terrible stuff while he was alone.
He wasn't going to tell Sebastian that. He worried about him enough.
He picked up some turkey and sat next to Sebastian, close enough so their arms were bumping. He had to grin when he told him he shined despite everything. He always thought he was the glum one, that Sebastian was the sunshine, and that made his heart do somersaults in his chest. He thought to himself that he never wanted Sebastian to go down the road he did, one of madness and self harm, so he would help him even if he felt like he was beyond help.
"I know it is," Hari said softly. "I don't expect everything to change instantly. Recovery takes time and effort, and it seems really scary, I know, I've been there. But we can take it one day at a time. Give you small doses of new things, see if you might pick up something you like. Maybe this week we can try music. Ride horses the next. It doesn't have to be all at once, but the point is to try, even a little. Do you think we can do that?"
He reached out to squeeze Sebastian's hand. "I'll be beside you every step of the way."