fate is both a prison and an open hand (CD)

''That's even worse, I think'', he said, rolling his eyes at the world, as his body started relaxing muscle by tense muscle. Food, it seemed, or at least Hari's food had been a good call, his stomach suddenly untangling itself as soon as it was met with a solid substance, rumbling loudly, as it demanded to be fed. ''It means being a book case example, and quite literary at that'', Sebastian hated the idea of that with the same passion with which he hated the idea of being a snake. Something in him simply revolted at the thought of it all, of being described, analysed and then put into a category just like everyone else, just another broken mind fitting a certain pre-designed bill, nothing but a drop in the see of others. Fuck that. He was going to be one unique cookie, even though, apparently, he would have to be a crazy one.

''It is not just about feeling, Hari'', he said, quietly, as if afraid that by disagreeing he would somehow say the wrong thing, and insult his lover in some harsh way. At the same time, he filled even more quietly this information somewhere to the front of his brain, so that it would urge him from now on to pay better attention both to Hari's meds-he was supposed to be helping him with those after all, or something like that-and his moods. ''It is about knowing'', he added, trying to make him see that his pain did not just come from the heart, but also from his rational mind realising that the only way for anything to change for him would be to suddenly be able to cut his power completely out of the equation, for as long as he had that, he would always be defined by that, even before his 'pain' as Hari had said.

''And that's another thing'', Sebastian said, his head falling down between his hands which were currently propped against his knees. ''Me and effort weren't exactly friends even before all of...<i>this</i>'', he said, almost groaning. Still, somewhere on the inside he was smiling as he squeezed Hari's hand back. The thought of being together as they tried to feed him new things did somehow make him feel better. When, exactly, had he turned into such a romantic sap, he wondered, as his head sprang right back up to capture Hari's lips in a bruising, hot, let's-make-out-for-hours kind of kiss. He had waited long enough, he thought, talked long enough. It was time to correct the last memory of them kissing and replace the image of that desperate grab with this in both of their minds.

''I should probably warn you though'', he said, once he released Hari's lips from his hold, ''I cannot sing for shit, and my very presence tends to make horses skittish.'' It was probably the snake, he always thought. They could smell it even when he was trying to hide it. He could not imagine what would happen if he tried to approach them now. On that note, he would need to find someone to show him how to turn himself back, preferably as soon as he set foot back into the campus, before anybody but Hari could see him like this.

''I guess'', Sebastian said somewhat uncertainly once he had released Hari's mouth from a kiss, thought he still kept himself close, breathing the same air as the other man while he spoke. ''It is just art is great, and science, and sports, all of that. It's just that...'' Once again, he struggled to put his feelings and thoughts into words.

The thing about art was that even though he liked it in a general sort of way, no painting had ever managed to hold his interest for longer than a few minutes. He could appreciate them for whatever time he was forced to look at them, but would soon forget them afterwards. Maybe it came from a fact that his parents had filled their home with all sorts of wondrous art from every corner of the glob and almost every time period long before he had been born. He had grown up surrounded by these things, which were amazing, and beautiful, but also extremely expensive and he was Not Allowed To Touch Them, as he had been told multiple times before, during and especially after that incident with his mother's kind of extremely expensive, some dynasty or the other, blue vase. It also definitely had something to do with the fact that even though he knew did not have the skill to draw a Mona Lisa or make some great piece of art, he also knew that he could have <i>an actually Mona Lisa</i> in his home, with just a little bit of his charm, so why try make something by himself? The same went for books, movies, or any other similar piece of culture art. He could not write a book, but books had never interested him much anyway-he could never identify with the characters, all of their actions and motivations always seen through the prism of what he could do in their place, with his power; movies as well. When he had told Hari that the <i>worlds</i> had been painted grey before he came, he had meant that quite literary. Even travel, though somewhat more interesting than art and such was something he could just as easily <i>have</i>. He wouldn't even have to use his powers for that, his parents' money would be enough.

Now, however, something inside him was starting to wonder if maybe there was something in that, his mind pushed into that direction by Hari's gentle words and suggestions. He mused over such thoughts, landing light peck after light peck on Hari's lips before drawing him into one more deep, soul-sucking kiss, only to come to a conclusion after it that the thing about him and effort not having the greatest of relationships even before he came into his powers still stood-it was, after all, one of the reasons why it was so easy for him to abuse them, he thought, in some deep corner of his mind which was more willing to self-analyse then most-and he was fairly sure that it took quite a bit of effort to do any of the things Hari had listed. Somehow, though, he had a feeling that he would have someone by his side to push and goad him into doing things until he found something he wouldn't mind spending his energy on-other than sex, that is.

''That's probably going to take a while, you know'', he answered when Hari once again mentioned finding what he liked. ''You can sing?'', he asked then, immediately interested and wondering how long it would take to goad Hari into singing something for him. Hundred or so kisses sounded about right to him. ''My dad owns a motorcycle, actually'', he said, remembering his father's garage and all the cars and other vehicles he kept hidden there. ''Or three, I'm not really sure. I've never rode on one before, though. Black leather jackets, however, we can have even without the machine'', he joked, his fingers dancing over Hari's skin as he laughed. Whatever may come tomorrow would be a struggle, bur tight now, things were fun and light again, and he was going to enjoy that.

''And I already like your food'', he said, as he swallowed a giant bite of the offered cherry pie before proceeding to share the taste with Hari by mapping the inside of his mouth with his now cherry-pie-covered tongue. ''There is no need to test me on that, trust me'', he said, biting Hari's lower lip lightly, before pressing a still cherry flavoured kiss onto his lips.

(schfkhljdfj I just realised that Sebastian's 'I am bored with the world' philosophy has so many loop wholes, and now I'm trying to explain, read *****, may way through some of them, and am probably failing miserably from a realistic point of few)

''Well'', Sebastian said once he had finally stopped laughing after Hari's confession, though he was still somewhat breathless and grinning wildly, though good heartedly, his grin as bright as his laughter was loud. ''I am not exactly a <i>girl</i>'', he continued to speak, slowly caressing Hari's skin as he did so, because he was starting to get into a mood when certain things other than altering your perceptions were about to get hard. He had, however, carefully stored Hari's suggestion to watch him pain to the back of his mind, where he couldn't make anything dirty of it just yet, though that was simply because they didn't currently have paint with them.

''But I am much prettier than any girl you could have ever met'', he continued after a few minutes, which were spent with his tongue in Hari's mouth and his lover's fingers in his hair and a hot body to hold onto in his lap. ''So you are better of with me anyway. Just don't expect me to wear a dress'', he finished, as Hari aligned their noses, puffing a small breath of air into his lover's face as he continued to talk about him and leather jackets.

''I shall go buy one then as soon as I stop spotting this scale wear'', he said, grinning at the thought of all the different, <i>interesting</i> things a leather jacket could be involved into before he even owned a bike. He didn't want to think about after just in case he overloaded his brain. Then Hari started talking about modelling and acting and Sebastian forced himself to take a minute free of any and all sex thoughts to consider that. Acting sounded too much like pretending to be someone else. Modelling, however, sounded... Well. It actually sounded <i>interesting</i>. Just a little bit, but it was there. The interest, the hope. Not too much of it however, for something he had realised long ago too was that though new things did shine in the wide, grey world, they soon lost their shine as well. Except Hari. As he had told his lover already, he still shone, despite everything.

And then before he could reclaim the said lover's mouth while also reaching for a condom because he was flexible like that, the said <i>lover</i> had to ask them whether he was also a his <i>boyfriend</i> while also proceeding to leave his lap, which was, in truth a much greater crime.

''Well'' Sebastian said, reaching for the scarf Hari had started tugging at and pulling it away from his neck, ''while I do prefer the therm <i>lover</i>'', he spoke quietly while putting the scarf away and slowly kissing his way towards Hari's neck not unlike he had done the first time they met, ''if it comes up somewhere, yes, you are quite firmly taken.''

Lover, Sebastian thought, was a much better word for what they had here, no matter than it also sounded way sexier than boyfriend and was much easier to say as well. He loved calling Hari his lover, even before today. If, however, Hari needed the official more familiar therm, Sebastian supposed he could have it. It was not like it was going to hurt anyone.

''It might have come up before, yes'', Sebastian said cheekily, preening at the words just a bit, even though he had in fact heard them many, many times before. His looks were something he was very proud of, and he had thus always enjoyed people calling him beautiful. Hari, however, also had that love-struck awe in his eyes and voice which no one calling him so before had, their feeling leaning more towards lust than anything else, and that made Sebastian's grin grow even wider, while also making it softer, fonder.

''You yourself, however, are certainly no Beast either'', he added, his fingers dancing softly over Hari's face, tracing his features, stopping at his soft lips as he himself started in those brig, golden-green eyes. They were still as breathtaking as the first time he had noticed them behind the glasses. Glasses, which Hari had not worn in quite some time now, making it much easier for Sebastian to gaze into his eyes.

''It's not a disease'', Sebastian then said at Hari's suggestion, frowning slightly at the thought, despite their previous position and the mood it had set. ''It's my snake refusing to go back down'', he explained, wincing slightly as he remembered the state he was in not a full hour ago, and the subsequent piecing himself back together, apparently in the wrong way. ''But yes, I will go see someone about it as soon as we get back. For now though, if it doesn't bother you...'', he asked, in a round abound way, considering he was actually just a tiny little bit self-conscious of it right now, no matter how much he seemed to joke with it.

Then, however, he was all smiles again as Hari climbed back onto his lap. ''Oh, really?'', he asked, almost breathlessly as Hari kissed him on the cheek, in decisively not innocent way. ''And what would that reward be, <i>lover?</i>'', he asked, smugly, as he wondered briefly if this was how it was going to be from now on between them: Hari calling him boyfriend, while he still stubbornly insisted on lover. It would be kind of nice if it were so, he thought, before suddenly his world, and entire thought process, narrowed down to a pair of hot lips on his, a wild dance of tongues, teeth nipping at the said hot lips between kisses. A hand in his hair, and down his torso, and his own hands seeking something to grab onto. Soft strands of hair, short here, long there, a neck, small of Hari's back, and then, finally, he felt skin under his hand, and he thought about absolutely nothing at all.

''Oh, I do not doubt that, lover'', Sebastian said as Hari coaxed him gently into the lying position, most of his body relaxing slowly under the other man's touch, while the other parts proceeded to grow almost painfully hard. He smiled into Hari's kisses, the hot slow burn against his lips slowly driving him out of his mind by turning him on beyond believe. For a person, he thought, who had not only been a virgin, but has also never touched another until fairly recent, his lover was definitely something else in bed. Or in this case, on a picnic blanket, which only made him think about all the other places where they could have wild, hot passionate sex.

''Oh, I don't doubt that at all'', Sebastian laughed breathlessly once the kiss broke and he could finally get some of the most irritating yet also most needed air into his lungs. One of Hari's hands, the one that wasn't burred in the dirty besides his head, had finally started its mischievous trip towards Sebastian pants, concurring both the button and the zipper with a few quick, precise moves, stopping then, at the very hem of his underpants, teasing him its touch, the weight, driving him madder by the second, for, he thought, he had probably already went <i>mad</i>, at least.

Or at least he felt so. He was so turned on his skin felt too tight, his blood too hot, and his lips were probably an outright mess considering how much they had kissed. He also felt good however, wanting to laugh even thought he was breathless, smiling, even though his lips did hurt, both from that, and all the soft nibbling Hari was suddenly all into. He had all but forgot about the scale-wear he was still spotting, and the mess which have led to them lying here like this, and even the part of him that still remembered, really couldn't care less. All he wanted to do was touch more, kiss more, have more.... The best public sex he was ever to have.

He felt happy, he realised, and light, and good, and, yeah, still so turned on he thought he was going to burst if not relieved soon. He got a feeling somehow that Hari was in about the same place, the lips on his neck being kind of a big clue, until, suddenly, his lover stopped moving. Confused, Sebastian frowned at him, opening his mouth to ask what's wrong, but by then Hari was already climbing off of him.

''Hari?'', he asked, turning so he was looking directly at him, still frowning slightly. By the time Hari had asked him whether he had just imagined what he was, however, his eyebrows had shoot straight into his hair-line before returning to the frown.

''No, you did not'', he said, the blood-boiling feeling of before slowly draining away from his body as the image of his lover's fingers having roots growing from them still danced vividly in front of his eyes. ''It would seem I'm not the only one due for a visit to a power class, lover-boy.''

(OOC- Sorry, it's a slightly awkward post, I don't know why, it just turned out his way o.o)