Cave of Wondering

Dalia ran the entire way from the community center when she got the text back from Alexis. He wanted to meet. It was going to take her forever though. She was so slow. She could barely mount even the short fences blocking her way. She used to be more agile than this, right? It was pathetic.

It took her what felt like hours to find the spot where the seaside cliff gave way to the subtle, dangerous staircase that led down to the cave she knew as intimately as her own room. Anathema was sure she was late, but she couldn't let that bother her right now. She'd just have to apologize to Alexis and hope he wasn't too mad with her.

She nearly fell once or twice, but somehow found her feet sticking to the stone when she felt the panic of falling. That was odd: she didn't know what was causing it. Or maybe she did. Every time she tried to think about her own thoughts, they just all got in the way of each other.

But there were points of clarity. People that she was pretty sure she cared about and who cared about her. Alexis was one of them.

Panting heavily from running so long, her legs on fire with the effort, Dalia bent over to catch her breath at the entrance of the cave. It was just how she remembered. Mismatched sections of gorgeous polished stone with ugly scarred wall in between. Like someone had taken a hammer to them. And in the back, her web. Massive and gathering dust. How long had it been since she had been here? She couldn't quite recall. Time was the hardest thing to make sense of.

Dalia looked around, searching for Alexis. She distinctly remembered being able to sense people before. She couldn't anymore though. Anathema wondered if that should have bothered her more.

"Alexis," she said, her breath hitching as she stood back up fully from her quick rest. Dalia slipped further into the cave, looking up at the web. It was dark in here, and she fumbled with her phone to turn on the light. The little bit of light bounced off of the polished stone along the cave's floor and walls to give them both ample light to see.

"Yeah it's me. And this place... I don't know exactly. I know I woke up here after I died... well, one time I died. I think it's mine?"

She still couldn't see him well, all shrouded in mist like he was. Was that something he could do before? She thought so. Dalia took another step towards him, unsure of herself. "Can I... come closer? My head is foggy and my memories are all jumbled. I need... I don't know, but I remember you better than other things."

Dalia's chest tightened when Alexis talked about holding in his emotions. She slowly made her way over to him, struggling to figure out what he meant. But the realization slowly hit her. He could shut off his emotions when they got to be too much. Something she'd kind of envied. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you, I just..."

She stopped short, not quite at arm's length to him yet. "I just wanted to be whole again. It hurt, being thrown away and all I wanted was-"

She paused, realizing that that probably didn't make any sense. She clasped her hands together, trying to explain it. "I was split. And my... other half... was hurting I think. So she wanted to come back together. And I knew that she wouldn't want to, so I put that curse on her to force her to make a decision."

It was so easy to slip between the two mentalities. Dalia and Anathema. She could see both sides of the story and it hurt her head to think about it too long. She gave Alexis a sheepish, apologetic smile and moved her hands to pick at her sleeve nervously. "I'm really sorry. I didn't know... you'd go as far as to hurt like that for her... for me."

Dalia closed the remaining distance between the two of them, slipping her arms around Alexis' torso. "You do make things better." The truth was, all of the people she cared about made it better. They grounded her, giving her a starting point for sorting through her memories.

"This is enough," she added, nuzzling her face into his chest. She definitely remembered this affection. This was normal for her. "I'm not too smart either, apparently. I didn't mean to hurt anybody else, I just didn't want to be alone anymore. Mama and Phaedra left me. And Jax left me. And then Dalia just threw me away like I was nothing."

"I was angry... really, really angry. At myself. At Chl- Auntie Chloe."

"I am Dalia... I think. But I'm also... she called herself Anastasia. But her name was Anathema. She was the part of me I got rid of after Mama left." Those memories were clearer, as they were from before the split. So they matched up for both sets that were in her head.

"Sorry... I have both of our memories kinda bumping around in here. So it's hard to separate." She squeezed him a bit tighter, kind of afraid now because he said he loved her but hated the person who had hurt her. But she was both and she didn't know what that meant. Dalia's voice was smaller when she spoke again. "I love you too though. Sorry I worried you, and everyone. I'd do anything to make it up."