Always Tell Her You Love Her

"... Yeah. Yeah. Of course, baby! You know I do!"

His tone of voice didn't carry much confidence, but his words were of the convincing kind. The desperately convincing kind.

"Chiru, honey. How about this? I'll wire you some birthday money this weekend. This new teaching position pays really well and--"

The little smile that had been growing on his face froze, and quickly faded as the person on the other side of his phone spoke up. The smile vanished and his eyes turned downward as he paced around the roof top, phone to his ear. Eventually he found himself at the fencing surrounding the edge of the roof, tangling his fingers in it and leaning on it as if all his strength was going into holding the phone up.

"Yeah... Yeah... I know... I won't be able to visit for awhile. I just started here and the travel expenses. But I'll make it up I prom--"

He closed his eyes tightly and hung his head a bit more, leaning the top of his head on the fence.

"... Alright... I love you, baby girl..."

Without even looking at it, Jacob brought his phone down and tapped the screen, ending the call. It was a motion he was unfortunately familiar with and he slipped the device into his pocket, not yet raising himself from his supportive fence. His shoulders heaved up and down once... twice with his breath before he deigned to stand back up fully. His hands rubbed his face as if trying to rouse himself from sleep.

"Sending extra money for her birthday...? Goddammit Jacob could you be any more stereotypically desperate? Why not just... GAH!"

With a sudden slap to his own face, Jacob raised his head and looked up into the sky. His breathing was audible and he bounced slightly on his feet, like a boxer readying for his next bout. He shook out his hands, his arms, psyching himself from the stupor that often followed a long distance phone call with his estranged daughter. In his mind, he was trying to work himself up, remind himself that he shouldn't be getting depressed. He would show her that he still loved her as a father should somehow, he just needed to work at it. This new job paid great. Maybe he could finally have a nice vacation with her soon. Maybe get some one-on-one time and really nurture their distant relationship. All he needed was a little time and a little emotional distance from the divorce. That was years ago. He was a new man.

Yeah. That was it...

Jacob's impression of a warming-up prize fighter escalated in detail as he literally started bouncing lightly side to side, and swinging his arms up to cross in front of him over and over. This was his coping mechanism. After the divorce he took to the gym even more than he had previously, drowning out his failure to commit with sweat and burning muscles. It still worked as well as ever. His breathing had calmed down and he felt his heart and mind settling down. The whole process was second nature to him. Whether that was a good thing or not, he could not tell.

The sound of a young feminine voice from behind gave him a bit of a start. He whipped around mid-jump and ceased all movement, quickly assessing the situation. There was only one person: a very pretty blonde girl with red eyes. The uncertainty of whether or not she heard his phone conversation was assuaged when she just admitted it up front.

"Oh! It's fine. It's fine! I was talking a little loudly."

His demeanor changed on a dime now that he was in the presence of someone else. His mind switched gears and he was no longer so worried about his troubled relationship with his daughter, for the moment. A warm, welcoming smile etched onto his face and he approached the girl himself, showing that he neither meant harm nor did he mind her being there. People overhearing those kinds of conversations was not new to him, so he took little issue it besides a little embarrassment from people knowing his not-good situation.

"Well... Heh. I never thought about that. Good call on that one. I'll keep it in mind."

But visiting was only half the problem. What would he do when he was finally with Chiru again? What would he say?

"I'm Jacob, by the way. New to the island. New on the staff. Still dealing with old problems. And may I dare to ask the name of this particularly lovely young lady?"

Oh, Jacob. This is what caused you those problems you speak of. When will you ever shake off those old habits? You're not a host anymore and you're not a young boy-about-town. There was no need to put so flirty. Even if you only think you're being polite and gentlemanly. Besides... She's probably way too young for you.

"Glad to be welcomed."

Almost out of total reflex, Jacob started reaching his hand forward to take her's. It was either for a good hand shake or, quite possibly, so he could get kiss her hand like some kind of old timey Spanish gentleman. He quickly yanked his hand back before it got too high and awkward when he his mind caught wind of what his hand was doing, or about to do. Instead, he gave Ania a gentle welcoming bow, not unlike one he would give if he was just about to ask her for a dance. He found that kind of suave gesture to be just innocent enough to be taken as charming by most people. It did, however, always mess with his hair and when he rose he had to sweep his hair back from over his face.

"Oh, don't be so shy, Ania. A compliment a day is good for the soul."

Ania's little hand-to-cheek gesture was not lost on Jacob. It was a movement he was well familiar with in his youth. It had been awhile since he had seen it, and he felt that twinge again. The bad boy he had once been loved innocent girls...

Then she asked for his age and he whipped right back into the here and now. It didn't kill his mood, per se, but it was a potent reminder that he wasn't a young stud anymore, no matter how much he maintained his visage.

"I'm, uh, I'm actually forty. Heh. Just old enough to not call myself young anymore. But hey! They say that forty is the new thirty. Whatever that means."

As much as he wanted to deny it, there was never any way to fully forget the march of time. Sooner or later all his exercise and body maintenance wouldn't cut it anymore and biology would take over, and then he would really start getting treated like an older man by others. For now, though, he would enjoy the blessing of his fine aging. (Maybe it Ania enjoyed it too...)

"But, uh, yeah. That was my daughter on the phone. She lives her mother on the main land, and I was... just trying to get in contact with her."

Jacob could not help but pop an arrogant little smirk when Ania said that he looked almost her age. Like he had said about compliments, there was no harm in being vain and putting aside humility for just a moment. But the smirk was where his hubris ended. He did not try showing off or posing for her, as a previous version of himself might be tempted to do.

"I don't have my papers on me right now, but I can assure you that I'm a professor here. I'll be teaching math, and coaching the swim team when the season starts."

Ania's sideways glance confused him for a moment. However when he followed her gaze he immediately knew what she was looking at: his wedding band. Seemingly out of shame, Jacob folded his hand and moved it behind his back enough to hide it from her. He blushed a little as he realized how it would look to tell her the truth and still be wearing his wedding band. It was such a small thing too. He just had to take it off. So why was he so hesitant to let it go?

"Well, I WAS married. I, um, we're separated now and my daughter lives with her mother."

Jacob was not fully comfortable with being so candid about his familial situation, but he forced himself to be anyway. Keeping it inside let it fester and eat away at his mind. Sharing it was a way of forcing himself to come to terms with it.

"But my daughter, Chiru, she is VERY pretty. A gorgeous girl. She's sixteen now. Almost seventeen..."

Jacob shot Ania a bit toothy smile.

"It's even more interesting to actually do it. So much movement and rhythm. Putting all that time into perfecting your stroke and how to glide through the water. When you get into a nice groove, it almost feels like you're flying."

There was a dreamy sparkle in his eye when he talked about swimming, in a rather excited voice. Swimming was one of his favorite passions. Working out in general was like his form of meditation, but swimming was even more so. The combination of controlling his breathing, his movements, and concentrating on the feel of the water cleared his mind like no other. Oftentimes, he would just take a nice deep breath and hover under the water for awhile, relishing the humming silence of the water around him as it dulled all his senses and made the world beautifully quiet.

"You should think about signing up. I think I'll be coaching boys and girls. I'd love to see you swim."

Really. He would like to see her try out his favorite hobby. Maybe she would take a liking to it and he would have another convert to the passion of swimming. It's not just because she would probably look pretty in a swimsuit. The thought had not even occurred to him until he thought about it, and his face turned a little red(der).

"Um well--"

He rubbed his ring finger, a little ashamed of still wearing it. It hurt, but there was no pain. Thankfully she continued to talk before he could expend any words on trying to make up an excuse for still wearing it. And her strange plop to a seated position was enough of a distraction for him anyway. He joined her on the ground, sitting cross-legged close in front of her.

"Oh, I'm sure she'd make lots of friends. She's a little social butterfly and fashionista. Though if she did have powers... It would make a nice excuse for us to be together. But she's at that age... She doesn't want to be around her old man all the time. Especially not one she doesn't see very often...."