all butterflies

Logan was dying a slow death for the days leading up to visiting Dorian. He was going to lose his virginity, with someone he wasn't married to, and a man, at that. Not to mention, the things he'd confessed! They were awful. He'd babbled details about his family, private details that would ruin them if they got out, and he'd told Dorian that his thoughts were full of nothing but filth, that he wasn't the perfect Christian boy he should be, that-- that it was all specious nonsense, he lied constantly, and he had to try desperately to be anything other than his father's son.

Perhaps it hadn't ben quite that dramatic in terms of confessions, but it certainly felt that way. He was a nervous wreck. Except… there was something about Dorian that made him want to share, and break, like this. He didn't know what it was. Did he love him? He didn't know. He didn't know anything. Dorian was magnetic, and far, far too kind with him. Logan wasn't sure what he'd do with so little boundaries, if he could be trusted with that.

He was used to strictness, and being carefully watched over. It was comforting, having that. Without it, did he have the ability to control himself properly? His parents always made it sound like he needed it, and should be grateful to be kept in order. Not everyone had his privileges in that area-- like his real father. But Logan had an advantage. One that was being taken away these days. He was scared. And excited.

Sex was on his mind every single day, nonstop. When he was alone, when he was with people, no matter what the situation. It was a serious problem, and he couldn't stop. It was agonizing at first, he hated having these ugly urges in him like a disease, like they were in his blood and represented exactly what he didn't want to be, but… At this point, he'd started to throw around the idea that… maybe it'd be better to just get it over with, in a safe environment, with someone who'd never say anything.

After that, he could calm down. It probably wasn't that big of a deal! He'd end up not even liking the overglorified act, simply morbidly fascinated with imagery and thoughts of it, and never have to do it again. That was what Logan was hoping, after rambling and telling Dorian he wanted to have sex with him, spending time in between their texts touching himself and moaning into his pillow. Please. Let him have this, and he'll never ask for or be daring with anything, ever again. He promises.

He sent this needy plea to nothing and nobody, as he would be far too ashamed to pray for it. He avoided true prayer or thoughts of God in the time before his 'date'. He knew nothing he did would be a secret in the eyes of the Lord, but he could at least acknowledge he knew what was happening, and show proper humiliation before crawling back and wanting forgiveness.

Today was the day. Logan woke up in a state of disassociation, with a small voice in his head prodding him with what if they know, what if they know, what if they know? He ate breakfast with this continuing, staring slowly at all his family members. They didn't know. His stepfather talked about church events he wanted Gideon to help him with, and led a conversation about not being able to believe the nerves of modern demons, starting up so many businesses, worming their way into the school system, tricking people into sinning. Logan thought about the nice girl, Chloe Black, from the DSU, heartbeat loud, and looked at his lap. Theydidn'tknowtheydidn'tknowtheydidn'tknow.

Logan fled to his room after breakfast to get ready, mumbling to his mom that he had to go out with friends and could be out for a long while, yes, the important ones. She smiled at him, for that. He knew what pleased her. Guilt burned in his chest. He switched from the clothes he wore at clothes to a much nicer outfit, and though he realized it'd be taken off anyway, he still wanted to pretty himself up. As per Dorian's instruction, he put extra clothes in his bag, and slung it over his shoulder. He stared at himself in the mirror, turning around and looking from every angle, and wondered if he was enough. He knew he was attractive, but was it enough that Dorian would really be interested in having sex with him?

A weight eased from his shoulders once he left his house, slumping in the taxi he took to go to Dorian's expensive apartment building, taking in pretty city sights going by outside the window. He took a moment to gape at and be impressed by the condominium before hurrying inside, not making eye contact with anyone, escaping to the elevator. He glanced at his reflection again, while there, heading up. He swallowed, and unbuttoned his shirt a little. It wasn't much, but for someone as reserved as he was, who buttoned every single button when dressing himself and made sure not a single thing was out of place, it was a shock and significant change.

Giddy energy hit him once he was in the hallway, anticipation and lust, adoration towards Dorian and the usual joy he felt over being about to see and talk to him. They were going to have sex! He was having sex, with Dorian Crawford, of all people! He pinched his cheek, hard. Not dreaming. He'd dreamed and daydreamed it plenty of times before, so it wouldn't have been surprising, but this was completely lucid.

Logan knocked on his door, face flush, chest sticky and thick inside, stomach doing flipflops and feeling heated. "D-Dorian?" He smiled big and bright, too much so for the unsavory things he was going to be doing, he knew, he knew, but right now, he didn't have the heart to care. "Hi, I'm here now!"

Logan's face lit up, then fell, in the timespan of a few seconds, as Dorian opened his door then immediately slammed it. Paranoia and embarrassment buzzed under his skin, and honestly, he felt a bit like crying. Dumb little boy. Naive, naive, naive. Then it was opened for the second time, and didn't close again. Oh, nevermind. Whoops. Now he was just a dumb little boy for different reasons.

He couldn't hang on to those emotions, as his mind flooded with hyperactive and attracted energy as soon as he was given the time to bask in Dorian's presence. It was worse than before, because he was allowed to touch, it'd been agreed on. He licked, then bit at his lip. When Dorian put his arm around him, Logan slowly melted against him, and held on tight to the end of his shirt as he was led inside.

There was so much heat buzzing on his skin that he wondered if it was obvious, even through his clothes. He wanted it to be. Where he didn't usually want people to know about him being like this, right now, he really wanted Dorian to understand how much he was affected by him. He sat on the couch, scooting closer to Dorian until their knees bumped, staring at him with big eyes and very pink cheeks. His breath hitched when his face was cupped, another wave of warmth settling over him, spreading all over his body and pooling in his stomach. His eyes fluttered shut after a moment of gazing at Dorian, flustered and savoring this. Being touched, soft, affectionate skin to skin contact, the weight of someone else's hands on him while his own trembled.

Logan's lips parted, and he let out a tiny gasp, as soon as his face was peppered with small kisses, then started giggling over it, breathless, a little ticklish. He tipped his head towards whatever he received, needy. He wanted more, and more, and more. Touch him more, love him more. Anything and everything, give it to him, he had to have it. He whimpered softly when their lips brushed, and felt disappointment when it didn't lead to a kiss.

Face burning, Logan opened his eyes again, listening to Dorian, though his thoughts were all fuzzy with the way his lips were still being touched, it was distracting. "I…" he started to reply, then shut up when asked about eating, shame lingering over the desire. No, no, he was a different kind of hungry entirely. He made a faint noise, and licked the finger at his lips, then pressing forward to suck on it a little, and let it go with a small pop. "I don't want to eat first, I--"

He squirmed, then pushed Dorian back and climbed onto his lap, flopping there with a huff, gripping the fabric of his shirt tight, mental state jumbled and urgent. Ohh, this was just, he'd never done anything like this before, it was so much. So much contact and warmth. He swallowed. "I can't, like this? I'm, um. Really horny. A-aah." With a lap full of unicorn, Dorian would now be able to tell that without him even saying it.

Logan was the real virgin here, a very needy one, and fully acting it. An inexperienced, overexcited teen boy, with his crush right in front of him and interested. Both savoring and rushing was on his mind, an urgent conflicting mess, and he was glad he wasn't the one fully leading this.

He couldn't help but preen when Dorian looked at him like that, a dirty self consciousness present, one he was embracing in the moment. A trembling smile lingered on his lips, and his skin felt absolutely electric when it was kissed. He squeaked, and could've practically cheered, when they both lost some of their clothing. He shifted to ease out of his shirt, all buttons undone and off now.

Was he cute? Was he wanted? Putting himself exposed and on display like this, he'd better be. No matter how much he was wanted or not, Dorian definitely had it on lockdown. Logan was crazy about him. Most people were, but he'd been following the man around like a lost puppy nonstop ever since he'd moved to Manta Carlos and enrolled in Starlight Academy.

Even if ignoring that behavior, his trying to win approval, parrot things back to him, and do him favors, there was the fact that Logan daydreamed about sex with Dorian whenever he was nearby, and when he wasn't, too. Their text conversations were a special occasion for him, as he didn't have to run away at times where he grew too flustered. He let thoughts of Dorian's ridiculous nicknames give him the fuzzies, bunny, his unicorn, baby. That and the other compliments or closeness he offered made Logan weak. When they texted, he could lay in his bedroom, face squished against a pillow to muffle his big mouth, hand down his pants over that weakness being exploited, and nobody would be any the wiser. A broken, thick voice and desperate tone couldn't be picked up over text, where it was something far tougher to hide in person.

So he enjoyed the view here too, of course he did. Where text messages had been a way to sneak around rules, wiggle through loopholes, this, something he never expected, was far better. Gazing a second too long when Dorian was changing fast for events the Political Alliance put on had been his previous, embarrassment filled habit. It was inappropriate, and a little creepy, he knew! And now, illicit activity was turning licit. Logan felt like he'd had a rug jerked violently out from under him, and they hadn't even gotten to the really good part yet.

Which would be screwing, but that didn't mean his anticipation for the kiss wasn't significant. So many firsts, so little time. Logan was eager to get rid of them, and to slide them Dorian's direction, like a gift, like a trophy. He was treated so gently by this man, and that just made Logan want to give him more to take advantage of.

Their lips brushed again, then met. Logan lit up inside, bright, hot, strong emotion. Fireworks were too typical. This was more like music, a song with exhilarating and soft points. Warm and gooey, that's what the kiss was. Logan's virgin impression of this was that you did blank out, and then, you want to stay pressed together and like that always. The emotional effects were one thing, physical even heavier. Skin to skin contact was so rare for Logan, he reveled in it, felt brilliant being touched, being kissed. And Dorian, he was perfect in every way, tasting right and soft against him.

Logan tilted his cheek into the touch, nuzzling, drawing out a faint, longing sigh. He blinked at Dorian with his own dilated, lidded eyes as an answer to his question. He bit down on his lip and slowly grinned, butterflies flooding his system. He nodded. He nodded excessively. "I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm wonderful." Then, Dorian was braver, and a jolt went up Logan's spine, sexual energy jumpstarting. He tried not to be overwhelmed by the fact that a real life person, a real life crush, was palming him, could feel him like this. His eyes fluttered shut, and he gave a choked moan, heat radiating, melting on the older man. So little had been done to him, but his sensitivity was on another level.

Logan clutched at Dorian's shoulders and nuzzled their faces together. He felt so clumsy, in with the excitement. He was just so floored over doing this in the first place, stomach abuzz. He really, really, really liked Dorian, and reacted to him in about the same way as most teenagers would if, per se, their celebrity crush snuck into their room from the window, in the middle of the night, maybe with roses, to serenade and then make love to them. The level of cheesy and giddy in that comparison was what made it fitting.

There was also something both romantic and very embarrassing about being undressed and looked over by your best friend. They'd spent so much time simply platonically bonding and then, this switch, all at once. Claiming their dynamic was the same as it'd been before, anywhere near it, would be a painful lie. It was different. So different. Logan was near frozen, red faced, under him like this. Holding his breath.

Touch him. Touch him. Touch him more. He couldn't stand staying in this position, having this proximity, and not clawing to be closer and closer. He squeaked with delight when Dorian did touch him, kissing down his stomach, his thighs, even sucking in a few marks there. Nobody would see and realize, in that spot, but they'd both know. Logan watched with his huge eyes and burning cheeks, mesmerized, legs trembling. He was very aware of where Dorian was lingering, and swallowed, mouth dry, head fuzzy, spinning. Was he going to-- really? That's, hm…

Logan attempted to mentally prepare himself, still staring. He completely failed, body jittery, and if he hadn't been lying down, he'd have been terribly off balance. His shoulders tensed when Dorian took him into his hand, choking out a wobbly gasp at the nuzzling and kissing, soft lips on his cock, fuck, eyes heavily lidded. And if he thought that was something to get weak over, being sucked off was a whole other messy gay Logan puddle situation. He felt like he was going to sink down too much into the couch at this rate, full body shaking, squishy inside mess. Dorian Crawford, with him in his mouth. Logan would want to take a picture, if it weren't for his helpless state, surroundings seeming to focus and unfocus, blurry. He lifted his legs, resting them on Dorian's shoulders, thighs now lightly curled around his face.

Being taken deeper was what brought Logan's voice out properly. Quiet and mild mannered in daily life, he also happened to sing choir, and it wasn't without its effects. Where he was normally carefully composed, here, he was stripped down. Loud. His breath hitched, then, he cried out, breaking in the middle but no less strong a sound, drawn out and most definitely overwhelmed. He clutched his hands to his mouth and squirmed, managing to get out a clipped "I-I'm fine, I'm f-fine, please, p-please, yes." He reached down and threaded his fingers through Dorian's hair, like he'd done to him, massaging gently and petting, glowing with affection. He breathed, shallow, tiny breaths.