Private Finished What were the chances?

"I'd been asked by the professor to assist, if it's not any intrusive to you," he responed to her. His words were distant as if he was speaking to her for the first time. A perfectly practiced smile, and carefully chosen words. That was part of the ruse that Ildefons kept when he didn't wear his disguise. That was the side Emily met then. It was laughably ironic how the disguise was really the one he was showing her now. And he knew well enough she could read behind all of it. She might have probably noticed the panic he felt the moment he saw her too.

Now, Ildefons wasn't dense himself, and Emily didn't really make it any hard for him to read the atmosphere. Awkward was one word for it, tense was another but neither were accurate enough to point out what he was feeling. He thanked her silently that she didn't seem to bring up before, but that too just made him feel bad. The walk down the hall seemed longer than he thought while the feeling just festered.

By the time they were at the doors to the next office, his smile was barely there when he'd opened it for the both of them because if he tried any harder he'd break character. "After you, miss," he gestured ahead. The room was... pretty empty. He tried really hard not to visibly breathe a sigh.

Emily's silence was only just as equally jarring for him -- he didn't peg her to be the loud at all but there was a certain edge to her silence. She was deep in thought, her hesitation when she'd guided the both of them to the room was enough evidence of that, but he struggled not to put his attention to it.

The inevitable had to come sooner or later, when Emily turned back to him. I-I don't u-understand, she had to stutter. As if those were keywords for him, he grimaced a bit, shrugging one shoulder awkwardly, almost a little out of place with how he carried himself just earlier. His eyes darted around for a moment, only settling in one of the desks. There wasn't.. anyone here, he didn't have to lie through his teeth and pretend he didn't know what she was asking him but he couldn't find it in him to answer as honestly as he wanted to.

Ildefons' lips curled into a wry smile--hesitant and somewhat restrained. "It's not that,", he began, his voice in a hush, like he didn't want anyone else to hear him. "It's... complicated. Sorry. This is a really weird time to run into each other again, Emily," he told her pathetically.

For the moment Ildefons accepted the lacking response as enough, that maybe it was more her accepting such a callous explanation for now. And yet he still waited for her to speak again, only to be disappointed that it was only instruction. A sigh passed his lips before he took steps away.

The silence seemed to stretch far longer than he could want, while he sorted through the files mechanically. Ildefons was the first to break it, seeking to ease the tension that was only growing. "Emily," he called to her, but it was a moment more before he turned to face her, leaning slightly on the shelf next to him with only a ghost of a smile. "Look, I'm not trying to avoid you like you might think. It's really just... no one knows I go to the Underground for anything. I just can't have that going out." Ildefons' voice faded as he watched her back facing him, waiting for a reply. "Please, just say something?"

Ildefons expected her to be angry but the look she had seemed to weigh much more than anger to him, and even much worse when she did speak. His expression turned wry; compared to earlier, he looked less confident--unsure even, if not a little distressed.

Ildefons breathed out a heavy sigh, running false claws through his hair absentmindedly and ruffling it out of its neat coif. "Look, I wasn't being cold to you. I keep everyone at a distance here. It has nothing to do with that place; it's really everything else about me that isn't the Underground. It's not that easy to keep quiet about it when I'm easy to recognize by name. If it's cruel... then it really must be."

He set aside a few folders he hadn't sorted in and stepped closer to Emily so he could close a little distance. "It's not some masochistic or self-harming tendency, Emily," he began, hesitation clear in his voice. "I could endanger people if I don't keep myself in check. It's not something I have full control of and I can't guarantee that I won't hurt anyone else." His voice was quiet as he recalled the faint memory of the incident with his older sister. His eyes were on Emily, but his gaze seemed far off. "I can't let that happen."