Private Finished Why?

"But it is words! How can words make people uncomfortable? They do not even injure people. That is why they do not have a law against it. And they already have so many extra. Humans are so fragile and leaderless and I am trying to obey." Maarab learned forward intently, invisible wings thumping softly against the back of the bench.

Again he made a quick laugh baring his teeth. "They hide everything on their internet but will not speak out loud. I saw they invented guns and explosions and things even I think might be a bad idea. I would not even care about upsetting people but it makes it hard to have a conversation and it does not make sense. I just want things to make sense."

Maarab was generally unable to read people's emotions, but anger was one he understood. Still he was unsure what about his home would have upset the other man. Unless... "Another survivor?" He practically giggled. "Do you want to duel me too?" It would be nice to have a proper duel again. The good thing about angels was they also tended to follow the rules. And a fight would be a comfort right about now.

Except, maybe that was not the reason for the other's anger. Maarab nodded slowly in answer. "Not quite a pawn, but a weapon, yes. And now... I am not. Unfortunately, I have learned too much here and I do not think I could stop myself from questioning. As long as my father thinks I still know my place, I can stay here. If I went back..." contemplates this with a fading grin, "ha. He'd probably rip out the rest of my soul. Weapons are replaceable. "

"Centuries?" Maarab said with surprise and some disappointment. "How could you- avoid violence for so long? We fight and go home to rest and keep fighting. The battle is, it's paused. We destroyed an outpost and have to find another. But the downtime is... when I went home briefly it was..." He struggled for the words, eyes wide and no longer grinning. "It cannot stop. Without bloodshed there would be no.. balance. It is not supposed to solve things. But it is... It is rules. It keeps things going. " A single black feather fell to the ground, and Maarab covered his missing eye with his hand in an attempt to steady himself.

"Are words your weapon then? Is that why you do not need your sword? I think my father's knife was more persuasive but..." Still unsettled Maarab cocked his head with a thoughtful look. "Is that why questions are punished? Why the only books at home are the things we have already been told?"

"But who decides what is right or wrong? We follow - the strongest, the most powerful, the one who survives to win his battles. Questions - If our leader is killed he has failed as a leader. I - I." He struggled to speak in his agitation. Here he was doing exactly what he should not do. Here on this island floundering and asking too many questions. "I am not a leader. I am a weapon. Weapons obey."

Except Maarab was not being obedient. As the ache in his torn soul reminded him. His voice quieted to almost a whisper. "I am missing pieces of my soul and there is no one to follow here." Then he threw back his head and laughed. Though the appearance of a couple more black feathers belied his apparent mirth.

"I am only a half angel to be used against them. My mother was merely an instrument." He clutches at the chain around his neck. "It is quite likely the only reason I was not killed outright after my father's last... lesson. "

"But- But what do you do instead? Without the fight what is there? It is not even about angels and demons. I fought angels. I have killed angels. And bloodshed is enjoyable. But they fight back. It is - it is just how it is. This place-" Maarab gestures at the surroundings a little wildly, "It is an island. A.. a pause from larger battles, but there's still fighting, a piece of it. What else is there?"

He shakes his head and barks out a short laugh, "You talk about compassion and kindness and I do not know what those are for. I do not think I even know what they are. And as for not being a pawn.. There are leaders and followers. And that - it stops the chaos. I have no leader here and it is. It is not a good thing."

Maarab sighed softly. It seemed like some of what he'd learned of angels was true. This one spoke of compassion and kindness as if they meant something, but gave no explanation of their value. Then spoke of ending bloodshed without offering up an alternative.

"Ceasing from battle entirely sounds like the end of the world. And I am not skilled enough with words to replace my blade. And violence is.. it is..." He made a vague gesture, unable to put his feelings into words. It had always been part of his life one way or another. "It is like a fish in water. This island becomes suffocating. "

Maarab was distinctly unencouraged by the angel's statement. "I have been trying. It is harder here to know who to follow. I follow the laws as best as I can, but there.. seems to be no leader. It is... unclear... where I fit. "