What if I was nothing?

"I know you aren't the same Broen as you were before..." Zora said softly, "That's probably why I told you... " she said as she looked at him. "The old Broen, I'd never have told him this," Zora confessed quietly.

"I honestly don't know where my feelings are right now either," she shrugged lightly, tiredly, "I know I do care for you, but that doesn't mean any more than you want it to, okay?" Zora said simply as she looked at him, now really looked at him and smiled softly at what she saw.

"Take your time, process it ... when and if you want to. I didn't tell you because I expected anything back," she added very truthfully.

"Broen..." Zora murmured as she automatically put her arms around him when he buried his face in her shoulder and hugged him to her. "I am not mad at you, I know you feel guilty, I understand, I do," Zora said quietly as she held him, choking up a little. "I forgive you everything, please don't blame yourself like this."

"Maybe because I know the Broen before me now is not the Broen I knew 48 hours ago, I really don't know..." Zora replied softly as she leant her head against his as she held him. "All I know is there is nothing that you need to ask forgiveness for. I am just happy you are okay and that you are here."

Hearing his confused words, she laughed very softly, "You just think you want others to be mad at you because you think they should be mad at you... Your feelings are all over the place now...." Zora said, understanding that he was overwhelmed now by all these new feelings, "But I have a feeling if somebody actually got mad at you, told you off, you'd feel bad too, adding to your feels of remorse and guilt. I think you just need to accept the fact that most people can forgive you even if you were mean to them." she said as she pulled back from the hug a bit to looked at him warmly.

"I can get mad at you if you really want me, I can throw some shit at you and call you names if that makes you feel better," Zora said, though truthfully she was not sure if she could, but there were a few times the old Broen had really pissed her off, maybe she could conjure up those feeling. She didn't know.

When Broen pulled away and went into the bathroom, hearing water and the door still being open, she got up and went to check on him, seeing him standing there, face wet, Zora didn't know what to do and so just handed him a towel. "You aren't fucked up, you've been through some fucked up shit," she said with a shake of her head.

"I tell you what. Take your time, do whatever you need to do, I will be here if you need me, want to talk, whatever, I'm not going anywhere..." Zora said as she leant against the bathroom door, "I know you are getting your feet back, and perhaps, I should not have said anything, I have probably made things more difficult for you, and you don't deserve that..."

For some reason, that very comment set her off, struck a nerve, that rawness in her that had her up all night in tears and despair, "Broen, I do not think killing anyone makes up for anything. That is on me, you hear, that is my fault. It was ME they were after, nobody would be dead if it weren't because they were after me, " she said angrily, "I caused all this fucking mess, not you, not anybody else... you reacted the best way you could in an extremely bad situation." she shot at him.

"You want hate, you want anger, then take my own at myself." she stormed, pointing to the window now, "I am the goddamn reason those people are dead, I am the reason Jude was hurt, Sterling was almost killed and you had to do what you did, I cannot blame you, can't you see that," Zora remarked in furious frustration as she whirled away from him and stormed away from the bathroom door, on the verge of tears again, she was not going to cry in front of him.

"It was all my fault, all of it. I put you in that position. I never thought in a million years they would go so far. I underestimated them, and now people have died because of my own unwillingness to believe that my own brother would not stoop so low as to try something like this... " she said as the anger left her replaced by sadness as she sat down on the bed and placed her head in hands.

"I should be asking you for forgiveness, Broen, not the other way around, you did nothing more than try and protect me. I feel like shit, I hate myself for everything, and worse, I almost got you killed," Zora said softly, wanting to cry, just barely holding on to herself.

Zora felt his hand and gazed up at him, tears threatening to fall, and shooked her head, "Let me take the blame, please. I knew what you were doing, you told me, I could have stopped you but I didn't."

"I have ruined so many lives, not you..." she said choking back a sob. "I need to make it right, somehow, " she whispered, almost pleading with him, her heart breaking to see him so distraught about everything.

When his face was up close to hers, Zora put out a hand and stroked his cheek gently, studying him, and then softly laughed despite all she was feeling, "We are quite the pair, both trying to make the other feel better, and failing quite miserably..." she added, looking at him searchingly, and then placing a soft kiss on his lips, before pulling back, "I am going to go to the police, I need to put this right..." she told him softly.