Wet Hot American Summer

It had been about a solid week and Cross was still having some trouble with school. It was tough considering he had mostly been home schooled in fear of him terrorizing others. That was okay though! At least he knew how to add, subtract, and that Independence day was on the fourth of July! Oh, and he was American, no matter what anyone says. For now though, school finally ended and he was relieved. Learning was some tough shit to deal with and he wasn’t too good with academics. However, ask him how to properly destroy a were-monkey and he could go into full-on detail about it. Sigh. He really wasn’t cut out for school, but was he going to tell anyone about it? Hell no! He was the manliest man on campus and he was going to keep it that way. He’d deal with school like a man and pass with manliest grades!

…The rain was stopping him from going back to his dorm though. Not that he was afraid of water, but his crap would get all wet and he’d have to somehow explain to the English teacher why he couldn’t turn in his work. He already used up the excuses about a dog, but was trumped with the rule “no dogs in the dorm”. Well, he tried his best to make it look like a dog had torn into it, but the wolf got a bit carried away…

Anyway, he was about to pass by a lab until he heard the strums of an instrument. Hey, if someone was in there, then he could possibly use them to cover up his books ( he didn’t have a pack) and drag them through the rain. His brow twitched. perfect! Surely the nerd in the room wouldn’t mind being used as a human backpack.

As the poor guy peeked around the corner, the door suddenly opened and slammed against the wall with such ferocity that the glass panel spider-webbed much like the admin’s office door did. Yes, he had a habit breaking doors around here but it wasn’t his fault because the doors weren’t suitable for manly men such as himself. Speaking of himself, he had that wolfish grin on his face, spotting the poor soul that should have just hid himself. Oh wait, not even that would help because no one could run away from his awesome sense of smell. He could smell someone pooping a mile away…If-IF he wanted to track that kind of stuff. CARRY ON.

And since he was the tallest one around, everyone around him was… “Hey YOU squirt! I need your help!”

Oh…The squirt noticed he was tall. Tall was an understatement. Cross was built like a mountain. He snorted, liking that the kid took notice of that at least. He even flexed in the doorway. “I know! Bigger than you’ll ever be!” Cross even went as far as to interrupt him as he stomped into the room and yes, the Academy actually allowed giants to attend. The boy probably even noticed that the ‘books’ in his massive hands looked like compiled post-it notes. A bundle of text books fit in a single hand. The rest were in his locker, but he forgot the combination. That would have to be the fifth lock he’d have to rip off the locker later. For now, he really wanted to get across the campus without getting his books soggy again. The fan could only do so much! Besides, it was about damn time someone learned of his awesomeness!

It was tempting to just grab the kid up like a foreign object and stuff the books down his throat but that wasn’t a good idea because one, there would be blood and other fluids on it and he didn’t need someone dying trying to become his backpack and two, Susan made it a point he needed to work on his social skills; not beat someone into submission. “Come on, don’t be a douche man! I don’t have a pack and it’s raining outside and I don’ wanna waitcauseIwannagotomyroomanddostuff” he started to talk really fast. Why he didn’t have a pack? Because he forgot it and it was too small. He didn’t wanna look like he had a purse and that’s what the stupid bag makes it look like. “Carry my stuff to my room! I’ll give you a dollar. I’ll even give you a show.”

… Okay diplomacy was harder than it looked. From here there were two options; One, he could just beat the kid into submission, take his lunch money, and wait for the rain to go away. Two, he could try to bribe the guy and have him bathe in Cross’ glory and inspire him to carry his books. Or there was three considering that there lacked any sign of a pack. Well dammit. He frowned and actually pondered this with a stroke of his thick chin. By all means, he was big and ugly, but his muscles were beautiful. The kid even asked for a show! Cross beamed and in his excitement, he knocked a desk over which skidded halfway across the room.

”BOY, I thought you’d NEVER ASK!” He boasted and flexed his massive biceps; curling them in much like a muscle-man pose. He flashed his pearly whites and flexed. He even demonstrated his man-boobs tensing as he leaned back. Hands were upon hips and those pectorals jumped up and down as if there was a V-8 Engine crammed into his chest cavity. His laugh boomed throughout the lab, enough for people outside in the hall to hear. Oh, the poor guy’s curiosity was going to kill him! “It’s CROSS! CROSS STARK, Don’t you forget it! AHAHAHAH!”

Of course he wouldn’t be able to forget this experience. This was the one and only Cross Stark after all and this guy here got the privilege of meeting him face to face. Already he knew that his name was going around the campus and spreading like wildfire. Yes, from his daring stunts, his beef with punks, and to the swagger he had with the ladies, he was one hell of a guy!

”D’oh come on don’t be like that!” Poor thing was only going to grow more uneasy unless he distracted Cross with something and ran for dear life! Right now since the rain droned on, Gabriel was literally stuck with the mountain of a man who took a seat on top of a desk. Said piece of furniture groaned just a bit under his hulking weight. It probably looked a little comical seeing his ass parked on a desk that was tiny in comparison to his size. Then he eyed at the instrument in Gabriel’s hand; the guitar-base-thingy. So he played music apparently…”I heard you playing down the hallway. You play that thing a lot?” He pointed a monstrous finger towards the tiny little base.

He would have asked to touch it, but by just looking at it, he knew it the thingy would most likely break. Cross’ hands didn’t know about gentleness, carefulness, or subtlety. They were mostly used to eat and punch things till money came out, not strum casually on some banjo. That was a banjo, wasn’t it? ” No,” He sulked. He should be the best at everything! Honestly, he never, ever thought about playing music because music was for sissies…or so he thought because now he had the urge to learn how to play something. He tried playing Susan’s piano, but it was no good. He quickly learned that music was not made by punching the keys and that instruments should never be pummeled into submission. They just left a really big mess.

”Not yet anyway!” He pointed at the thing again. ”Play your banjo-thingy. I wanna see what it sounds like.” Well…That was better than him man-handling it, right?