Private Finished Time After Time

Eve felt slightly sick. He was crushing his sketchbook against his chest as he struggled to keep his breathing as steady as possible. Eve felt like if he let his concentration slip for one second he would suffocate.
Eve hadn't had a panic attack in a while so even a slight one like this felt overpowering. He thought he was handling it pretty well, and Eve wondered if it was partly thanks to Jake. Someone else's presence made it easier for Eve to keep himself intact just a bit longer.
Eve had allowed Jake to come with him when he had left the community center. But Eve felt a little bad he was not giving him any attention. Eve was too busy keeping himself together as they walked away from the community center, somewhere less busy. Eve felt disgust, fear, panic, sadness and all kinds of other negative feelings churn inside of him and Eve guessed they wanted to break free and wreak havoc.
Eve's hyperventilation had started the minute they were outside and it wasn't subsiding. A scene just kept playing in Eve's mind. It was about an experiment that had been done to him.
They grabbed him with cold hands, Eve could feel how cold they were. They dragged him over to the chains, they used the chains to tie his wrists. The chains were heavy and they hurt as they slowly lifted Eve until he was dangling from the ceiling. It hurt, hurt. But it hurt more as he was drenched in freezing water and it was so cold it hurt. Then hot water was thrown on him, it hurt when hot touched cold. It happened again and again and again and again and aga-
Eve registered vaguely that they were in an area where there were no other people. Eve crouched down and frantically started drawing. He drew the scene that was playing in his mind, he drew it with great detail. The chains, the scientists surrounding his dangling body, the machines that were watching his body's reactions, the hoses that were spaying both hot and cold water on him at the same time, his own gasping face as he couldn't breathe, too much water, it hurt, why, why...
The picture was finished fast, and as Eve saw it on paper his breathing slowly calmed down. Usually he would've ripped the picture clean off and burned it on the spot. But now he turned to look at Jake, slowly, and spoke with a broken voice.
"I...I'm sorry you had to see me like this. I didn't wish to burden you."

@Wolfie

Eve had expected Jake would be kind. He had known the man for a short while but Eve already knew Jake was a kind person. Eve started answering to his words with a smile when, instead of patting him on the shoulder or such, Jake hugged him.
Eve guessed it was a normal hug, not too long or not too short. But he wasn't quite sure since his brain went white during the first few seconds of it. For the first time in a while Eve wasn't thinking anything, or seeing anything on the surroundings. He was too busy trying to get himself, and his pulse, back together. And when Eve did he had the decency to hug Jake back slightly. It would've been rude beyond belief to not hug him back, not to mention Eve wanted to hug Jake back. Eve also registered Jake's words, kind yet again. He had said the same words to the boy in the community center. If Eve remembered right his name was Galvao. He had seen him before, noted that he reminded Eve of himself during the time right after...the incident.

Eve nodded in answer to Jake's words and gently pushed away from the hug. His heart was beating from the sudden physical contact, Eve really wasn't used to physical contact. Not that he hated it, although during his first years in the island he had. Eve still remembered how every small touch reminded him of those cold hands that gripped him. But Jake's hands weren't cold, not at all. They were warm, very warm. Eve's heart refused to slow down.
"Thank you Jake. Thanks to you I can think straight again."
Eve smiled at Jake, a smile bit wider than usual, and turned a bit to rip the page with the memory off his sketchbook. Eve was about to burn it, holding it with both hands, but he glanced at Jake. And swallowed.
"I know you probably don't want to be burdened by my past. But...if you want to know about this..."
Eve tilted the paper just enough so the picture showed to Jake.
"...you must ask me to tell you now. Because later I won't be able to. Not without having another attack."
Eve sighed a bit and rubbed his forehead.
"What am I saying? You don't need this."

It was the first time ever someone told Eve they were there for him. Or actually, no. It wasn't the first time. The faces of Eve's friends flashed through his mind, of them reassuring him after an especially horrible experiment. They had told him the same things. The friends that had kept Eve sane, had helped him get through the nightmares at night and day.
And Eve had burned them to death.
That memory was something so dark, so hideous, Eve didn't want to touch it. Not yet.
Eve looked at Jake with gratitude as he left the decision up to him. Eve nodded and before he took Jake's hand he sprouted a soulflame and burned the drawing. No smoke or cinders flew out. Eve contained it all, and soon there was no drawing anymore. But the memory still was. Contained, like the smoke and cinders.

After Eve was done burning the picture he took Jake's hand and stood up. His pulse was slowly returning to normal, thank goodness. The last thing he needed were confusing signs.
"Could we...maybe just walk?"
Eve suggested and tried to smile weakly. He was feeling a lot calmer now, but in a different way than usual. Always after an attack Eve had a moment of serenity, during which he could think and talk about his past. Eve wanted to offer Jake some kind of explanation. But without going to the details.
Eve started walking, trusting Jake would follow him, and took a deep breath. Maybe he should start from the beginning.
"You know Jake, I was found from the rubble of a city destroyed by a volcano eruption."
Eve glanced at Jake serious, as if to ask him if he really was okay with Eve telling this story.

Eve smiled when Jake offered his sympathies, and slowly shook his head. The horrifying things were only yet to come.
"I wouldn't know. I was an infant. The people that found me, they found me unharmed, surrounded by strange glow that protected me. 'An angelic looking child', or so they told me. Thus my name."
Eve had only heard this story once, from the scientists that had found him. But he remembered it so clearly. Eve sighed a bit, and continued. He was not looking forward properly, he was too concentrated on playing the memories through his head.
"The people that found me, they were not good people, Jake. They did horrible things to creatures. And since I was obviously one they took me to their lab."
Now, now would the horrors begin.
"It was a big place, with white walls and white lights. So white, everything. I was left untouched during my early childhood. Young subjects were too unstable to experiment on. I had friends, other young children, and I liked coloring. But then I turned 6."
Eve glanced at Jake a little, there was small, apologetic smile on his face.
"I won't tell you the details. I will just say that the things they did to me, they were not pleasant. The one you saw was...it was one of the mediocre ones. And then, when I was 13..."
Eve trailed off and shook his head. Too soon.
"I destroyed the lab, and when the scouts came they found me barely alive away from the rubble. The first months, first years were really hard. If that person, Galvao, has gone through anything similar recently then I understand perfectly why he is so afraid."
Eve smiled weakly at Jake again, this time thankfully.
"Thank you for reassuring him, Jake. I know he needed it, appreciated it. Like I did, many years ago. And...I guess I still do, sometimes. Thank you Jake, truly. It feels good to be able to say this."

Eve hugged his sketchbook a bit when Jake presented his condolences, and Eve didn't hate it. It felt nice to know someone cared, that there was someone else out there that knew of Eve's suffering.
When Jake hugged Eve again his brain didn't go white again. Instead Eve felt his face heat up a bit as he blushed. He didn't blush much but it was pretty clearly discernible on his pale face. Realizing this didn't make Eve's blush get any better and he had to force his pulse go down with pure willpower. Physical contact always made Eve react strongly but this was ridiculous.
When Jake pulled away and looked at Eve he wished he could cover his slightly pink face. Instead he prayed Jake would think it was because of maybe the shock from his memories and such. Not because of the hug.
Eve smiled little at Jake when he suggested they 'chill out for a bit', and nodded.
"Sounds like a plan."
A small chuckle escaped Eve's mouth, but his face went serious the next moment. He rubbed his neck and glanced at Jake.
"Jake, um, I got to ask you something. Does...does it bother you? My sexuality?"