Private Finished Through the Looking Glasses

The adjustment of going back to school had been both easier and harder then Tobias expected. He'd braced himself for it academically, reading through old notes to try and remind himself of the things he'd learned before his year break. But none of that had helped him with the social aspects. Tobias had grown up in a single class, with new people being added year after year. He'd felt bad for the people hopping in late, but he'd never expected to be one of them.

But that was, effectively, what he'd returned to. He was a newcomer in his new class, surrounded by unfamiliar faces. More than once he'd turned to ask someone for something and then realized that they weren't there--they were off in college.

Maybe he should have just spent a year catching up? Only it wouldn't have mattered. College was where their fields all diverged, and just managing to be in second year college with them didn't mean they were guaranteed to share any classes.

It had been good to see Eleanor again, although Tobias was somewhat wary of whatever it was she wanted to talk to him about. Private talks... well, they could be messy. They often were. And a private talk he had no idea about, who he was totally in the dark for?

That was something else.

He showed up mostly on time, spotting Eleanor in the distance and heading towards her, his stomach dropping.

"Hopefully I didn't keep you waiting," Tobias said, feeling awfully out of place in his uniform. Everyone else had graduated from them, but there he was - stuck with it for another year.

He'd missed Eleanor. Really, he'd missed a lot of people. He'd pushed them all away, shut them all out, and he regretted that. At the time it had seemed like the best option--he'd been hurting and had wanted to hurt alone--but in retrospect?

Well, hindsight was fifty fifty, as they said.

More serious made his nerves (which had ever so briefly relaxed when she said she missed him) escalate to alarming levels. A subject that required attention. A serious subject. He was definitely listening, but he looked nervous first and foremost, suspicious of the conversation and the seriousness which Eleanor was treating it with. The truth was that he had no idea what she had to tell him, but the fact that she was having the conversation at all just made him feel that much more guilty over having cut her out in the first place.

He cleared his throat carefully, his eyes on her face, waiting for... something. Something that was definitely coming, whether he wanted to or not.

"Ah... yes? Everything - uh, alright?" He ventured very carefully. Was she sick? Was someone they knew sick? That was where his brain went - dead or dying.

It probably would have gone better if she hadn't, but then the entire situation would risk falling into the are you just kidding around with me? trap. That was a real risk with things like that, and it was probably for the better in the long run.

Realistically speaking, he probably should have guessed. The big thing keeping him from that was actually his confusion over Tam. He'd assumed based on what little he knew about the situation that they were dating, but he'd never thought to ask. A part of him felt like he was intruding in doing so. He'd always had very confusing feelings about his classmates dating, and for the most part avoided them (although at least partially by accident).

To a certain extent, he'd simply felt like no one would really want him. Not quite out of self pity or a poor self image, but simply from sheer acceptance. He was from a family of, in so many words, prostitutes. His mother ran a brothel. And now he owned a brothel, even if he didn't run it. People--even the most accepting--often had a stigma against people like him and his family.

To say he was caught off guard was to vastly understate his reaction, and for several seconds Tobias simply stared at her, trying to sort things out.

He didn't know what to say, and that was the exact wrong thing. He knew he had to give her something, so instead he forced out a very confused response.

"I... had no idea," he said, which was very true. "I thought you were - uhm, with Tam?" Were they not? He'd asked her for food like she was his girlfriend (or sugarmama, if he was being a bit less generous).

Really, asking about it was just a good way to give his poor brain time to reboot. Obviously she wasn't actually with Tam, or else she wouldn't have asked at all.

Evan had never faced down a confession before. His personal life had done a lot to dissuade most of the types who would have confessed, and while he was friendly, he'd never (as far as anyone knew) shown much of an interest in anyone. He'd had other things to think about, and while he'd started thinking about it the year before last, the death of his mother had firmly derailed any thoughts he had about dating.

So the simple, very awkward fact was somewhere very close to a no, and Tobias did his very best to word things as gently as possible.

"I didn't - well, I wondered, but I figured when you asked-" He cut himself off, taking a deep breath to try and calm down. It wasn't the end of the world. If Eleanor was going to abandon him because he said no, that just meant they weren't as good friends as he'd thought. Or maybe that was his fault - he had shoved her away for a year.

On second thought, it was definitely his fault.

Tobias swallowed down his fears as steeled himself.

"I really like you as a friend," Tobias said carefully. "But I really didn't have feelings for anyone in our class. Or... think about anyone that way, really." Not just her, in other words. "And dating and things weren't really on my mind the last year. I did miss you, but... as a friend."

Maybe that last bit was too far. His point was clear, anyway. Or he hoped it was.

No matter what she said, Tobias felt guilty. Eleanor had always been the kind of person who was to the point--that was probably why she was confessing at all--and maybe sugar coating hadn't been a good idea at all. But even that was hard to figure out. The do I or don't I was difficult enough without everything else he had going on, and Tobias slid deeper into his chair.

He felt like she was angry. The whole see you later maybe just sealed the deal for him. She was angry - or maybe just upset? was there even a major, functional difference?

He would have to text her later, but it would probably be better to wait a bit and give her time to cool off. Tobias was on untread ground, and the best he could do was offer a little nod as she said her goodbyes.

"I'll... see you later," he said very carefully, half afraid that he'd say something wrong and just make it worse.

Time, he decided. Time would make things better. That was what he'd learned more than anything in the last year.