Event Private Finished The Night Is For The Two

As he listened Noel speak Brynjat found in himself the courage to carefully lift his hand and set it on Noel's shoulder, squeezing it ever so slightly. He didn't say anything, he didn't think anything he could've said would make it better.
Brynjar found it beautiful, that Noel had not grown bitter after a long time of falling in love and then losing that love, again and again. He was so much stronger than Brynjar. He had never fallen in love before, not even felt proper attraction, before Noel. But just the thought of losing Noel made his chest ache unbearably.

Brynjar looked down at Noel, similarly captivated by the older man, and his affection shone from his eyes.
Brynjar blinked once when Noel said his name with a hesitant tone, and he concentrated on Noel's words, ready to listen and take it anything he said. But what Noel ended up saying wiped Brynjar's mind blank momentarily. His hand froze on Noel's shoulder as he tried to process what Noel had said. Make him happy? Noel wanted to...make Brynjar happy.
Brynjar could feel heat rise along his neck and spread on his cheeks, and he lifted his hand to adjust the top hat slightly in an attempt to hide how flustered Brynjar was.

"You...you already give me such happiness I'm not...worthy of it."

Brynjar didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to be believed in, or cared about, much less to be made happy. And the fact that deep down he wanted all of that, to be happy, was even worse. Brynjar hadn't even repented for his sins, all he should do was continue serving and helping others for eternity. His personal happiness shouldn't have been important.
Noel shouldn't have been so important to him, or bringing him joy and making him content.
"I-I've...done unforgivable things. Things I...I can never repay, or repent. I'm not..worthy of someone like...like you. You're too much of...of a good person, I don't deserve...to be..."
Brynjar's voice died down at the end of the sentence, he couldn't say the words "be with you" outloud, he wasn't even worthy of saying it.
Brynjar let his hand, that had been on Noel's shoulder this entire time, slide off. He felt like if he touched Noel, or if the other man kept pushing, something inside Brynjar would break free.

Brynjar understood what Noel spoke of, he understood. But like with many things he couldn't let himself rely on the possibility of forgiveness, Brynjar couldn't think that he could make mistakes and still be accepted. Brynjar always forgave before he blamed, except with himself. It was the way that had been beaten into him, and then finally been ingrained by the millenia he spent in ice. It was like a part of that ice still remained, lodged into his heart.
But...
Every moment Brynjar spent with Noel he could feel that ice slowly melting, as his heart beat. Which was exactly why Brynjar was afraid. If Noel accepted him and forgave him Brynjar would be relieved, at least partly, of the guilt he carried within him. And Brynjar couldn't let that happen. He needed to repent.

Brynjar looked at Noel in confusion at his words, but became to walk by his side again when he gestured for him to do so. Brynjar listened to Noel speak, and the story he told was quite unbelievable. Brynjar observed Noel, he almost expected that after hearing that his perception of him would change. But Brynjar's heart still beat fast, and he felt the same affection like moments ago. Brynjar, again, understood what Noel wanted to day with this story. He understood, but...
Was there a but?
Brynjar reached up and took off his mask, looking at Noel with his face clear of obstruction. Somehow he wanted to speak to Noel without anything hiding his expressions.
"I'm...I can't...I don't think I will...be able to forgive myself, not in...a long time."
Brynjar began with that, his mind felt separate from his body, like he wasn't the one moving his mouth.
"That story...you don't need my forgiveness, or acceptance, but...the story didn't change the fact that...I care...about you. You're still as precious to me. But..."
Brynjar briefly looked down before looking at Noel again.
"The fact that...you want to bring me h-happiness, it's...how could I let you...waste your feelings on me? When I..can't even find it...in myself t-to see..my own worth, or accept...that I have..."
Brynjar wouldn't cry, when he had been let out of the ice he had cried eternity's worth of tears. But his voice weakened towards the end, he couldn't finish the sentence, and he looked at Noel with eyes that looked like the eyes of someone crying out inside.

The hand Noel placed on his arm worked as an anchor, that pulled Brynjar back to his body. And the moment Brynjar could hear Noel's words clearly again his face slowly turned red. Brynjar looked at Noel's hand, he wanted to cover it with his, more than anything.
So he did.
Brynjar slowly, very slowly, lifted his hand and carefully set it on top of Noel's. The warmth from it felt like fire, but Brynjar didn't move his hand away. It was comforting, and for Noel Brynjar didn't mind burning. Noel's now bare face was almost too bright for Brynjar to look at, and yet he couldn't look away.
What was happening to him?

Noel got angry for him. Brynjar had not been able to feel anger or hate in a long, long time, and he had forgotten how it felt. But it was somehow relieving, to see someone you cared about care enough about you to get angry for you. It made a ghost of a smile dance on Brynjar's lips, and he ever so slightly squeezed Noel's hand.
"Thank you..."

Brynjar's body moved on its own again, when Noel brought up the possibility of someone else making him happy. Brynjar turned towards Noel with a movement, that was unnatural from a man his size and stature, and was still gripping Noel's hand.
" I won't...!"
Brynjar began to speak, but stopped as the words died in his throat. Brynjar couldn't know about the future. Anything could happen, so Brynjar couldn't say he would never be able to be happy with someone else. But...
"R-right now..even at this very moment...you are th-the only one...who could possibly..m-ma..."
Brynjar had to stop for a moment to even his breath.
"M-make me...happy. You...make me happy."

Brynjar's hand felt like it was glued onto Noel's, he couldn't let go. He didn't want to let go. It felt like his hand belonged there, and when Noel turned his own hand around so it was holding Brynjar's he felt like his breathing stopped. Maybe it did for a few minutes. Brynjar, whose eyes had been either on the ground or their hands, slowly drifted to look at Noel's face. His pulse was thundering in his ears, and Brynjar could only hear Noel's words. Even if they were almost as quiet as his.

For a moment Brynjar genuinely couldn't believe what Noel was saying. Brynjar made him happy? That couldn't be...Brynjar had never made anyone happy, he didn't know how to. But as Noel took Brynjar's hand between his Brynjar wanted to believe it so badly it ached. How easy would it have been, to let Noel make him happy, and try to make Noel just as happy. If that were even possible.
The smile on Noel's face was genuine, and so were his words. Brynjar could tell, he knew. And he cursed the part of him that didn't let him try and reach that happiness. Brynjar answered Noel's smile, just for a moment, without the deep sorrow that always shadowed his features. But afterwards he frowned, and looked down.
"If...for just a moment, I..can allowed t-to be selfish, could I..."
Brynjar swallowed, his face couldn't get any more flushed.
"I...I think I...I love you..."
His voice almost died in the end, when the words he had said only once in his life before left his lips. Brynjar was certain about these feelings, in a way he had been ever since Noel first helped him 20 years ago. And Brynjar knew, that if Noel held any affection towards him it all might be pushed back by the intensity of Brynjar's feelings. Brynjar was still holding firmly onto Noel's hand, and in his mind he was praying the other man wouldn't let go.