the first meeting

Noah didn't even notice it when Rei picked up the letter - hell, he hadn't even known he'd dropped it. He continued going through the mail and homework assignments he'd left sitting around, only to stop when he heard Rei's voice pick up. Slowly he turned his head, looking at her for only a moment before his eyes shot to the paper he was holding.

Shit-fuck.

Without thinking, he snatched the letter away from him, folding it and placing it on top of the pile he'd made. "It's nothing," he said quickly. "Really, my mother just freaks out easily. Mothers, ya know?" Dammit, no. He hadn't wanted anyone to know, especially not her - she had enough on her own plate without having to worry about him.

"It's nothing, I promise," he lied through his teeth. The color seemed to have drained from his face and his eyes looked panicked.

Why did she have to cry? Why did she have to make this harder than it already was? It was already bad enough, having no cure, having to deteriorate bit by bit everyday - so why did Rei have to cry like that and make his heart heavy? He looked down, almost as if he were ashamed of lying to him, but he didn't want her to think he was weak or like he needed help. It was inevitable; one day he was just going to die, and it would be slow and awful, and no one in the world could stop it. Not even vast amounts of money and research had been able to help him.

"Rei..." he started, looking back to her. Make-up was running down his face, ruined. Because of me. Sighing, he walked closer to her, pulling her into an embrace and resting his head on top of hers. "I'm sick," was all he could muster up to say. "I'm sick, and I'm going to die, but not for a while. Okay?"

He pulled back, looking down at her face. Now it was his time to feel guilty. "It won't help..." he said, shaking his head. "If medicine can't help, then how can you? Rei... it's fine. You don't have to."

Noah ran his hands up and down her back, trying to soothe her to the best of his ability. She'd lost her family, having been forced away from them, she had no friends, clearly no confidence - and the one person, himself, who had been kind to her wasn't going to be here for as long as she needed him to be. "No... no, it's fine..." he said, almost numbly. "Cry if you need or want to, really, it's okay..." If it made her feel better, if it emptied the pain, then who was he to tell her to stop?

The hope she displayed was almost infuriating. What was she getting her hopes up for? What if it didn't work, what if nothing turned out the way she wanted it to? Maybe in the beginning it would have helped, maybe when the problems had just started occurring her healing would have vanquished his ailments - but now? After sixteen years, could it really help?

Walls that kept himself logical were slowly being broken down by the good heart she had, though, and for once he allowed himself to hope. It couldn't hurt... to try, right?

"Okay," he relented softly. "Go ahead."

Noah's arms dropped from around Rei, dangling at his sides. He looked down at the small hand pressed against his chest, waiting for her to continue and do whatever she had to. There was a dark, insidious voice in the back of his head warning him not to get his hopes up, that hope should have been abandoned long ago - but he couldn't help but go through with it. At least he was humoring an option, something that hadn't been tried before. Something that could help him at least lengthen his life, if the illness couldn't be fully stopped...

He should have known. He didn't know why he felt disappointment when Rei began to apologize, having not even felt something wrong with him. This was how it had always been; "There's been no improvement," they'd say, or "We just can't figure out how to help him." It wasn't like he was angry anymore, or like it even shocked him. His own mortality was something Noah had accepted and come to terms with long before he'd met Rei.

Noah remained stationary, not following Rei toward the bed, but instead remaining where he was and lifting his arms to fold them over his breast. "It's fine," he said softly. "You're not the only one who couldn't save me. Really, it doesn't matter... it's not something I prefer to focus on. Don't be so hard on yourself."