the end

<div align=center>Gabriel was gone. Torn from William without even letting him say goodbye. Emptiness was a strange feeling, there was a hole in Bill's chest where his heart had been. Ripped out and thrown to the floor. This is all my fault. That was the only thought in his head. Everything was his fault. Because you couldn't put your petty argument aside and apologize to him. The boy quivered, dropped his head to his knees and wept. Everything was ruined. Bill felt like his heart was going to explode, and if it does oh Lord let it kill me quickly. At least if he died here and then it'd be over for him as well. He'd rather be plummeted into nothingness than be dropped into a world where he felt so lonely and desperate that he wished he were dead too.

He was nothing but a scared little boy. Now that scared little boy's single source of comfort had been taken from him and he wanted it back. That was the catch though. He couldn't have it back. The thing that sickened him the most was the fact he knew that there was a cold, limp body in the next room over that belonged to the only person he'd ever loved. He couldn't even bring himself to go in there to look at it. What's the use in saying goodbye now? It's too late. I blew it. He hated himself. He hated everyone about himself. William was the worst human alive right now and everything was his fault. The thought that there was nothing left in the empty shell of Gabriel's earthly body. William wanted to reach out to him and find him. But he couldn't. There was nothing left to find. That was all he was, an empty husk. William had never felt more alone in his life. There had always been something comforting about feeling the presence of Gabriel's mind around him, feeling that constant stream of mellow happiness that always branched off of him. It was gone. He'd never feel it again.

William clung to the boy sitting next to him and could do nothing but cry pitifully on his shoulder. He felt pathetic. Crying didn't help anything. It wouldn't bring Gabe back and nor was it making him feel any better. But that was all he could do. William didn't know what else to do. He felt bad for August for dragging him here, the hospital wasn't a nice place to spend your evening, especially in a situation like this. There was a doctor standing in the doorway watching the two, William wondered if this happened often, briefly. He wondered how many deaths that man had seen, how many times weeping families had huddled on this couch to comfort each other and say their last goodbyes to their loved one. He didn't like to think about it.

"I loved him." He finally mumbled, his voice hoarse and raspy from crying. He'd screamed when they'd told him. He'd screamed so loud he thought his ear drums were going to burst. An uncontrollable fit of shaking had since overtaken the boy, he was white as a ghost and his cheeks stung from tears. "I loved him so much." That was all he'd wanted to say to Gabriel. Even if he couldn't bring him back again he just wanted to curl up next to him one more time and whisper those words in his ear. That wouldn't make things better, but it might help a little. The thought of the lifeless body in the next room only made him weep even harder. There was no noise anymore, all the energy felt like it had been drained out of him. I'm sorrys and I love yous wouldn't help anymore. Gabe was already dead. They'd told him how it had happened. Cardiac arrest. A single shock to the heart that would have stopped it. At least that's what they thought, it could have caused a full on heart attack. William didn't like to think about that. He must have been terrified. He must have known it was happening.

That was the worst thought, though. The worst thought was that he'd had to wait for death to take him, knowing it was coming the whole while. No one should go through that alone. That was exactly what had happened to him, though. William burst into a new flood of tears. There and then he decided that this was the absolute worst day of his life. There was no words in the whole of the English language that could have possibly described how he was feeling right now. He felt like none of this was real. Oh God please be a dream. Please be a bad, bad dream and let me wake up in my bed. That's all I need to do. Wake up, wake up, wake up. This wasn't a dream though, and no matter how tight William squeezed his eyes shut, when he opened them again he found he was still sat on the same couch, sat with the same boy and sat in the same building as the corpse of his dead boyfriend. </div>

<div align=center>William simply appreciated August's company at the moment, it didn't matter to him if his friend was unsure of what to do. The thing that mattered most to Bill right now was the fact that there was someone here with him. William wondered what the doctor was even doing here, though he figured somewhere at the back of his mind that the man may have shown a shred of concern for him. Wasn't it the nature of a doctor to want to keep people safe? Maybe he was waiting for William to do something stupid so he could be stopped. August was capable enough of doing that, though.

"Would you like to say goodbye, Mr Beckett?" The man asked softly. William didn't like being called that. Mr sounded so strange and formal to him. It was only courtesy. William didn't know the answer to the man's question though. He didn't know if he wanted to say goodbye. Death frightened him more than anything. "What will that do, though?" He muttered, drawing his knees up onto the couch and nestling there. The doctor frowned, "it's alright. I wouldn't want to distress you any more." The man turned and left the room, leaving Bill alone with August.

"What do I do, August?" He asked, not that he really expected the boy to know. He seemed very vulnerable all of a sudden, more like a child than he'd ever been before. Wasn't that the last thing he'd said to Gabe? Goodbye. William hated that word. It was so finite. But if any situation was finite. This was it. There was nothing else past death. Talk of ghosts, and angels and spirits was all bullshit to William. Those things weren't real. They were stories made up to tell to children when a pet or a grandparent passed away. Perhaps it made some people feel better, but William was smarter than that. He knew better. There was nothing past death. You were thrown in a hole in the ground and that was it. You were left to rot away until you were nothing but a skeleton. I'm so sorry, Gabe.</div>

<div align=center>William shook his head, but August was right. It'd be best to leave it. Gabriel would have understood, anyway. He'd known William well enough to be sure of his fears and what he didn't like. If there was an afterlife William really rather hoped that Gabe was okay there. He didn't like the thought of him being all alone, I'd rather me be lonely than him. He didn't want to leave just yet. Maybe he'd sit here just a little longer, though he wasn't really all that sure what he was actually waiting for. Nothing, he supposed. He just didn't feel like it was right to abandon Gabe here.

"I.. I'd like to stay with you.. If that's okay." William couldn't help but feel guilty about what had happened a few nights ago. At least the situation between him and August wasn't awkward. William had grown attached to him over the past few weeks, though as a friend more than anything else. The boy went silent for a while again, staring blankly at his feet. He hadn't stopped crying since they'd gotten here. "I loved him. I really did." He whimpered, as if repeating the fact would do something. "I... I..." He hunched his shoulders and quivered as a new trail of sobs racked his body. "I wanted to marry him."</div>

<div align=center>William pulled a tissue from the box and blew his nose into it, scrunching it up in his hand and picking the box up with the other, a tiny little smile crossed his face as he looked at it. William liked colourful things, and right now this little box was making him happy. "Do you think they will mind if I take this home with me?" He asked softly, sniffling a little and clutching it to his chest. It was a strange thing to want to take home, he supposed, but he wanted it. He wished this room was a little happier, rather than just white. Didn't kids come in here sometimes? Surely there should be something like a teddy bear in here. Or maybe there had been, and some grief stricken child had clung to it for dear life and taken it home. They need it more than I do.

William looked up as August spoke again, pushing himself that little further against him, enjoying the warmth. "No.. No that's not silly." William murmured, shaking his head, "that's not silly at all." Maybe August was right, about that. No one knew really what happened when you died, maybe you just... Moved on. Maybe you were reborn as something else to live a completely new life, a sort of metamorphosis. Still clinging to the box of tissues, William stood up. "I want to go and see him."</div>

<div align=center>William liked the idea of August fighting through a group of doctors just so he could take the tissue box home with him, but he didn't think it'd be necessary, the doctors here were nice enough, William thought, though he supposed they were completely used to seeing things like this. People died all the time. "I'll go on my own." He murmured, placing a hand on August's thigh for a moment, and mustering up a tiny little smile, though it was evidently extremely forced. He pushed himself up and crossed the room, waiting for a moment at the door for the doctor to come back. The man seemed to know what Bill wanted without any words being spoken, though perhaps that was William's telepathy coming into play.

The walk to the next room only took a second, and the doctor held the door open for Bill, which he thanked the man for. "I'll leave you alone, shall I?" The man asked, William only nodded. The room was cold and empty, the only thing in it was the bed, and a little table next to it, as well as a chair for visitors. This isn't right. He hunched his shoulders a little, Gabriel deserves more than this.

That's all he was. He was Gabe. Nothing else. No one else. William collapsed in the chair next to the bed, they tried to save him. That was the most comforting thought he'd had all evening. They had tried. He took the boys hand and clasped it in his own, disliking the way it didn't clasp back. He was cold and limp and when Bill reached out for him he found that there was nothing there. Only darkness. Tears welled up in the boy's eyes again and he found himself weeping into the soft fabric of his boyfriend's shirt. It still smelled like him. It smelled just like him. "I love you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry this is all my fault. Everything is my fault."

He stayed there for a little while longer, clinging to Gabriel and burying his face into his chest. Perhaps now was the best time to leave, William hated to leave Gabriel here, he hated it. But there was nothing else he could do, he couldn't wait until they came to take the body, he didn't know when that would be. Bill pressed a soft kiss to the boy's lips and held him close for a moment longer. "I love you. We could have been okay we could have gotten married. I'm sorry to have to leave you here, that's the last thing I wanted to do." He sighed lightly, letting him go and running a hand through his hair, "goodbye, Gabriel, I swear I'll never forget you not ever." Bill's lips moved briefly to the boy's forehead, before he turned and left the room.

William found August in the same place as he had been before, "maybe we should go home now." He mumbled, eyes flickering to the box of tissues again. "I think everything is okay now. I think he'll be okay." William nodded just a little, picking up the tissue box and clutching it to his chest. "I.. I told him I had to go... I.. I think he'd.. U.. Understand."</div>