God. Hearing her say it just made it worse, didn't it? That Broen might actually say yes.
"I don't think I'm his type," Jude said, only he sounded a lot less confident and a lot more like he was trying to convince himself. "Like, mostly he's after girls. And the guys he likes are... bigger? I guess?"
Yep, he was definitely trying to convince himself.
"Don't be an idiot, Jude. He's literally said he wants to notch all of us off on his metaphorical belt. He'd say yes, the question is are you fine with only the physical?"
God. God. Had he said that? Yes, yes he had. Something about all of them, except not Janelle, and Travis wasn't...
So basically him and Rory. Great.
Jude decided to bury his face in his hand, which was a hell of a lot less effective with just the one.
"I don't know. I feel... I don't know. I feel kind of stupid for getting obsessed with firsts and how far behind I am and all that. It shouldn't matter."
Lorelai shrugged. "I guess, uh, consider it. But you know all the facts. You can calculate what's going to go down. Now you just have to figure out if emotionally you're fine with all of that."
Rory exhaled slowly, closing her eyes and reaching up to touch her forehead thoughtfully. "Permission to speak openly here?"
"Okay," Rory breathed out again and set her hands on her lap with the air of a parent talking to their child about an idea they didn't like. "I'm afraid if you try something you'll end up hurt. But, if you want to, I mean, I'll be supportive or whatever."
Was that her moment of honesty? That he was going to get hurt? Jude gave her a look out of the corner of his eye.
"I know I'm going to get hurt," Jude said. "Like, no matter what happens. But... I don't know. I want to... to learn from this. It's a stupid crush and it's childish as hell but I want to... to get something out of it?"
He took a deep breath.
"I was considering asking him to... uh, teach me how to be confident. To stop second guessing myself on literally everything I do. Even second guessed last night, and that was my idea. If you hadn't done it I'd have just sat there, stuck in my own head."
Rory was momentarily hurt. She got it, she guessed. Finding reasons to spend time with your crush and all, but it wasn't like that wasn't something she couldn't teach him. She kicked at the dirt, kept trying to smile even if it looked all wrong on her face.
"I mean, do it then. Just go do it. Just say it. Stop thinking about what could happen. That's what I've always done." And she stared forward. Hard as she could. Hyper-focused on some point in the distance.
She was hurt. He could tell she was hurt, and he didn't need Giltenn to fill him in.
"Rory," Jude said. "I know you... you could probably help with that. But it's just... I don't know. I don't want to... to bog you down? Not when I know you're doing your own stuff. And maybe... well, it's at least partly an excuse." An excuse that might help, but just an excuse.
"Don't be an idiot, Jude. He's literally said he wants to notch all of us off on his metaphorical belt. He'd say yes, the question is are you fine with only the physical?"