It was the blood. It was always blood that fascinated Shay the most. It reminded her... stabilized her, usually, but not this time. She wasn't usually squeamish by the sight, but she couldn't recall a time she had been covered in it -- head to toe -- as she was now. Shaking, legs weak and trembling, trying to hold back tears. She slid down the tree she leaned against to sit.
"Run," Kelara had said to her. And it had brought it all back. Caught in her throat. Struggling to breathe, holding back sobs. Shay had never had a panic attack before, but did this count as one? Wheezing and unable to stand.
Blood and gore. Skin. People dead. Darkness and loneliness. The numbness that crawled up the throat and left her a shell. Shay was six again -- in this forest again. With this woman again. Purple eyes. Whirling head.
When she saw Kelara, Shay sobbed, a sound like a tearing heart. Almost inhuman. The sound a mother makes when she watches her child die. Shay wanted to scream at Kelara. It was all her fault. It was all Kelara's fault, and Kelara was all she had left. But even as Shay thought that she knew it to be untrue. None of this was Kelara's fault. It was hers. It had always been hers.
Shay reached up to wipe a thick layer of blood from her face. It was starting to dry, stick to her. She could smell it, in fact, it was the only scent Shay could smell. She wanted to vomit, but she didn't. She swallowed the feeling, buried her face in her hands.
She didn't want to be weak in front of Kelara, but Shay wondered if Kelara was the only person she could truly be weak around? Was it acceptable in this moment? Was it -- What was it? What was all of this?
"It... it was all me?" She asked Kelara, just to clarify. She had questions, but they were the type of questions that led to places Shay wasn't sure she wanted to go. To memories, she didn't want to revisit.
♠♠♠
The equally blood soaked Kelara looked down at the crying girl, a rare look of sadness permeating her normally expressionless face. The sight of the traumatized Eroshay, whose wails echoed through the forest, were enough to rip her in two. A familiar self loathing filled Kelara's mind. How could she have let this happen? She had let her guard down, thinking that they were safe on the hidden island of Manta Carlos, but she was wrong. She was always wrong.
How they cult had found them was a question for another time. She had to assess the damage for now. Kelara stood watching Eroshay in silence for a few moments, examining her to make sure she was physically unharmed. However, before she had the chance to ask the qualifying question of 'are you unharmed?', Shay had quieted and asked a question of her own. 'It... it was all me?'
Kelara's eyes widened at this. She remembered. That was the only logical reason Shay could have asked such a thing... Kelara's jaw clenched as she shut her eyes. The answer to that was simple, but she was having a hard time bringing herself to speak at all. Opening her eyes again, Kelara limped over to Shay and placed her hand on the girl's shoulder, "No. It was not your fault. You had no choice in this... In any of this." she said in almost a whisper.
How they cult had found them was a question for another time. She had to assess the damage for now. Kelara stood watching Eroshay in silence for a few moments, examining her to make sure she was physically unharmed. However, before she had the chance to ask the qualifying question of 'are you unharmed?', Shay had quieted and asked a question of her own. 'It... it was all me?'
Kelara's eyes widened at this. She remembered. That was the only logical reason Shay could have asked such a thing... Kelara's jaw clenched as she shut her eyes. The answer to that was simple, but she was having a hard time bringing herself to speak at all. Opening her eyes again, Kelara limped over to Shay and placed her hand on the girl's shoulder, "No. It was not your fault. You had no choice in this... In any of this." she said in almost a whisper.
If it wasn't her fault, then why did it feel like it was? Even when she hadn't chosen for those things to happen, there was no denying that her parents would have been safe had she just not been born.
Shay wanted desperately to yank away from Kelara's touch. She didn't deserve it. She wasn't worthy. How could words be expected to fix this? She'd fucked up. It was on her. Their death was on her! Any other time, Shay may have taken a moment to ponder why she heard no whispers around herself, but she was too grief-stricken to care.
She hadn't cried all those years in the orphanage, not about her parents, not even once, but she cried now. The balling left her chest heaving and in pain and had her shoulders jerking. Shay felt like all the emotion swelling in the pit of her stomach was trying to tear its way out through her throat. She wanted to rip it all out, to just die.
Memories, thoughts, emotions, touches, everything was a whirlwind, and none of it made sense, even if Eroshay knew it should have.
"W-Where were you? Were you hiding and watching all that time I was alone?" It was only partially accusatory. Shay wasn't made at Kelara, though she wished she could have been. Kelara felt like the last true thing Shay had that was her own.
You couldn't own a person, Shay was adamant in that belief, but Kelara was important, and she would be there no matter the circumstance, wouldn't she? Even if Shay was an idiot. A danger prone, idiot, Kelara would be there?
Shay would have fought Kelara because this was very clearly her fault, she'd have fought, but she didn't have the energy or the strong will. She was weak; it was her weakness that got people killed and hurt. She was weak and she couldn't do this. She thought she could, but she couldn't.
♠♠♠
Kelara could tell Shay was still blaming herself. It wasn't so much she was great at reading emotions, as much as she knew she'd still be blaming herself, as she often did, much like she was now. 'W-Where were you? Were you hiding and watching all that time I was alone?' Another question asked before Kelara could follow up. Another question that cut her like a knife. She had never stopped to consider the emotional ramifications of her choice to leave Shay at the orphanage. Kelara had always been set to purpose, moving to whatever task next needed doing, never stopping to think what may be left behind.
"No... I have not always been watching." she answered, a renewed wave of guilt washing over her once again. "After the incident... I took you to the orphanage, a place I thought you would be safe. I observed for a while just to make sure, before leaving to discover what I could about the cult that just attacked us, and how to stop them." she paused for a moment, removing her hand from Shay's shoulder. She did not feel she even deserved to be near the girl, let alone trying to comfort her in such a way. "I was informed by a source of mine that you had been adopted by the Rosales family. My first instinct was to return and intervene, but then I considered that a 'family' such as that would be able to care for you, and keep you safe; perhaps even better than I could. Deciding that, I kept to my search." Kelara sighed and turned her head away for a moment, thinking over her words and recalling her decisions at that time. She wondered how many more mistakes she might have made along the way. "It was not until I was informed about how your powers were developing, and that you were still getting into a great deal of trouble that I decided it was time to return."
Kelara turned and limped towards a tree, now holding a wound at her side. She leaned up against it before sliding down to a sitting position, wincing and letting out another labored sigh in the process. "I was never fit to raise a child. I thought it best to be as far from you as possible, all the while leading them off your trail. In coming back I have done the opposite it seems."
"No... I have not always been watching." she answered, a renewed wave of guilt washing over her once again. "After the incident... I took you to the orphanage, a place I thought you would be safe. I observed for a while just to make sure, before leaving to discover what I could about the cult that just attacked us, and how to stop them." she paused for a moment, removing her hand from Shay's shoulder. She did not feel she even deserved to be near the girl, let alone trying to comfort her in such a way. "I was informed by a source of mine that you had been adopted by the Rosales family. My first instinct was to return and intervene, but then I considered that a 'family' such as that would be able to care for you, and keep you safe; perhaps even better than I could. Deciding that, I kept to my search." Kelara sighed and turned her head away for a moment, thinking over her words and recalling her decisions at that time. She wondered how many more mistakes she might have made along the way. "It was not until I was informed about how your powers were developing, and that you were still getting into a great deal of trouble that I decided it was time to return."
Kelara turned and limped towards a tree, now holding a wound at her side. She leaned up against it before sliding down to a sitting position, wincing and letting out another labored sigh in the process. "I was never fit to raise a child. I thought it best to be as far from you as possible, all the while leading them off your trail. In coming back I have done the opposite it seems."
Shay had to calm down and focus... concentrate on the here and now and forget emotions and memories. There was nothing she could do about those as they tore her up inside. She watched Kelara limp to a tree and sit. It was then that Eroshay crawled to Kelara and sat on her knees in front of the woman. "May I see?"
The Rosales. With the family. It was another stab to Shay's chest. She'd just gotten comfortable. Just started to accept her place here. Now all of this? Turning her world upside down. The tears had stopped, leaving Shay only hiccuping her remaining sadness. No more waterworks, Shay didn't think they'd come even if she wanted them to.
She waited for Kelara to let her see the wound. No way in Hell was Shay just going to sit back uselessly. "So... So they're a cult. The same one? I don't understand, why did they come back? Who are they?" These were the type of questions that led the person down a rabbit hole, to lands and concepts they never wanted to be introduced to in the first place. But still, Shay needed to know. She needed to... to understand. Maybe then she could fix all of this.
The girl reached up and rubbed the drying water from her eyes, trying to rub away the redness that came from crying along with it. Let no one see her weakness. At least, she could say the pain was dwindling and being replaced with a cold numbness. Feeling nothing was not better than feeling grief, as it turned out.
♠♠♠
"You need not concern-" Kelara was about to refuse Eroshay's aid, but suddenly she remembered Rien, and how useless he often felt. With another sigh, Kelara averted her gaze and removed her hand so Eroshay could see the wound. "Very well..." The gash itself wasn't too deep, at least not immediately life threatening, however it was still bleeding and would certainly require attention. "There are some basic supplies in my left pouch." she gestured to the pouch at her hip.
After giving Eroshay access, Kelara continued to answer the girl's other questions. "They are called the Order of Adraxxis. The worship a god of the same name, though I know little about him. They are a fairly large organization and they have several bases of operation. As for the why..." Kelara paused and looked Shay in the eyes, unsure if she wished to share this with her or not. After a moment, she continued. There was no going back now. "They wish to sacrifice you in order to summon Adraxxis into this plane of existence."
After giving Eroshay access, Kelara continued to answer the girl's other questions. "They are called the Order of Adraxxis. The worship a god of the same name, though I know little about him. They are a fairly large organization and they have several bases of operation. As for the why..." Kelara paused and looked Shay in the eyes, unsure if she wished to share this with her or not. After a moment, she continued. There was no going back now. "They wish to sacrifice you in order to summon Adraxxis into this plane of existence."
Shay dug through the pack that Kelara pointed out to her. A needle and thread were there, but she didn't think Kelara would need that. She took them out anyway, along with some gauze and peroxide. She drizzled the peroxide over Kelara's wound and dabbed it with a cotton ball.
"I can sew it up for you," Shay said, threading the needle. "Vito taught me how." Shay had never actually stitched skin, but she'd stitched plenty of oranges and was getting damn good if she did say so herself.
Her hands shook when Kelara gave her the information she wanted. She mouthed the Order of Adraxxis and steadied her hands to stitch up Kelara's wound. She was nervous about Kelara crying out or flinching. Shay, after all, had never stitched a person up before. She had dried her fingers of blood, but that didn't last long.
She paused, "they want me specifically...?" Shay didn't think her mind could have constricted anymore than it already had, but there it was. Shay finished her stitching job and sat back heavily after tying the thread off.
Shay inspected her newly bloodied hands. She felt sick. She needed to vomit.
♠♠♠
Kelara did not move or flinch as Shay stitched her up. She was all to used to the feeling. She watched for a moment as Shay worked, noting how skilled the girl was, especially for her age. She might have made a great Weapon, though Kelara was glad the child was spared such a fate.
"Your mother was proficient in the use of light magic. Normally, that would not mean much, but she came from the same lands I do, Seorus. In that reality, the ability to use such magic meant you were tied to the god of light, Nazreldon. Such magic becomes a part of your very essence. Your father was a reaper, which brought on another unique set of traits. He was also from another reality. Such traits do not usually mix, so having you was already a seemingly impossible feat, but your parents were determined. They wished for a child more than anything else. By some miracle, you came to be." Kelara almost smiled, remembering the moment fondly.
The flicker of emotion did not last however, as the next thought drew a frown. "There is one more piece to your puzzle." She looked to Shay, her guilt surfacing once more, "It has to do with why I am still alive after several hundred years."
"Your mother was proficient in the use of light magic. Normally, that would not mean much, but she came from the same lands I do, Seorus. In that reality, the ability to use such magic meant you were tied to the god of light, Nazreldon. Such magic becomes a part of your very essence. Your father was a reaper, which brought on another unique set of traits. He was also from another reality. Such traits do not usually mix, so having you was already a seemingly impossible feat, but your parents were determined. They wished for a child more than anything else. By some miracle, you came to be." Kelara almost smiled, remembering the moment fondly.
The flicker of emotion did not last however, as the next thought drew a frown. "There is one more piece to your puzzle." She looked to Shay, her guilt surfacing once more, "It has to do with why I am still alive after several hundred years."