Private Finished Picture Not Perfect, But Beautiful

EmiRose · Jul 19, 2018

Eve didn't normally mind physical closeness, after all he had been in many situations thay required him to stay in a large crowd for hours on end. But Jake's closeness made Eve's heart pound and if he could sweat Eve would certainly be doing so. Eve tried to calm his heart beat down, knowing Jake could hear it, and smiled slightly.
"And there is no point in wondering about something I will never experience."
Eve tried shrugging a bit but in all honesty he was afraid to move in case he accidentally brushed against Jake.

Eve slowly nodded at Jake's answer, relieved he hadn't thought Eve's words as strange. When Jake momentarily looked away Eve tried cooling his face, for naught. It now had permanent slight blush, or at least as long as Jake was close to him.
But then Jake looked back at Eve, and something in his expression made Eve blink a couple of times in confusion. Eve tilted his head slightly, concern in his eyes.
"Are you alright Jake? I shall put the sketchbook away, don't worry."
Eve closed the sketchbook and leaned down a bit to slip the sketchbook back under the couch. Bending down made Eve brush against Jake slightly. But Eve didn't even realize it and just sat back up, turning back to face Jake.
"What would you like to do today?"

Wolfie · Jul 20, 2018

"Yeah, I'm fine," he assured as his expression turned back to a smile. Despite the air conditioning, the room began to feel warm again. His face especially felt like it was still in the sun. Eve was also red, which confused Jake a little since he could not feel the heat. Turning to look out of the window, he thought about things. Random images swirling through his head. Ever since meeting Eve, he had always been there. Always beside him to help or comfort him. There in the good times, and the bad.

Jake turned back to Eve when he talked again. "I don't mind. Whatever you want to do." Again, as he looked upon Eve, the expression of confusion crept across his face. To be honest, Jake didn't care what he did with Eve, he just loved the company. There was always a sense of comfort around his friend that made his worries about how people view him fade. Unknowingly to Jake, as he thought about the time he spent with Eve, he began to stare. Not into his eyes, but at his lips.

He leaned in, his brow still furrowed, as he landed a small kiss. Their lips touched momentarily before it hit Jake harder than when he ran into that branch. Immediate feelings of guilt and horror as he realised what he had done. Pulling away as quickly as possible, he got off the couch and walked over to the window, anger building at how stupid he had been. "Shit!" he said as a deep sigh escaped him, his eyes closing. He couldn't bring himself to look back at Eve. He turned, looking slightly to the ground. "I'm so sorry. I... I don't... I should go," he stammered as he began to make his way towards the door, humiliated. All of the great times with Eve and he ruined it all in an instant.

EmiRose · Jul 20, 2018

Eve observed Jake, still slightly concerned, when he seemed to be distracted. Eve wondered if it was somehow his fault. Had Eve sketching Jake bothered him that much? Eve wanted to apologize and he opened his mouth but that was when Jake began to stare at Eve. First in his eyes, his face, but when Eve saw Jake's eyes slowly shift to stare at his lips Eve could feel his pulse start getting faster. Eve also slightly shifted his eyes lower on Jake's lips. Did...?
Wait, what was he thinking? Eve was being ridiculous. Jake was probably staring at his chin, maybe he had a zit or something. Eve was about to ask when Jake leaned in and...kissed him slightly.
Eve's mind was wiped blank. His head was full of white during the brief kiss, or meeting of lips, since the contact was quite minimal. Eve hit himself mentally for being disappointed at that. Then Eve tried to find an explanation. Was the couch unbalanced? Was it an accident? Was there something on Eve's face and-? No, the last one was ridiculous.
Then came the flood of emotions and Eve's face went redder than it had ever been before. As Jake drew away Eve touched his lips a bit and was thinking and feeling million things at once. Why did Jake do that? Could there be hope? No, that was impossible. Did Eve's breath stink? What had he eaten last? Why was Jake apologzing?
Eve regained enough composure to look at Jake and immediately felt a pang in his chest at Jake's expression. That pang cleared Eve's mind faster than anything else could.
The look on his face was probably the exact opposite of what Eve was feeling, and when Jake turned to leave Eve jumped up. He himself was surprised at how fast he moved before Jake and put a gentle hand on his shoulder to stop him from leaving.
"Jake, please don't go. You don't need to go. I..."
Eve stuttered a bit and also looked down, now also feeling guilty and scared and intimidated and million other things. Eve took a small breath and looked at Jake unsurely.
"I-I should be the one apologizing. You...you probably did that out of curiosity and I-I actually...enjoyed it...forgive me..."
Eve's voice disappeared slightly towards the end and he let his arm holding Jake back fall down. Eve's face looked blank but his eyes were full of sorrow and guilt. Yes, there was no way there was hope. Eve had prepared himself to suffer from this one-sided infatuation for a long time, and watch Jake find someone worthy of him. And Eve had prepared himself to be happy for Jake, no matter what. Misunderstanding a small peck was only going to increase Eve's pain in the long run, and so he tried to smile slightly at Jake, to reassure him, to tell him Eve understood. But Eve's mouth wasn't listening to him, and his face remained blank.

Wolfie · Jul 20, 2018

His exit was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. That warm feeling that he had begun to churn within him, making him feel sick. The weight of the guilt kept his gaze from raising to look Eve in the eye. A searing pain was felt in his hand as Jake realised that he was digging his fingernails into his palms. The skin hadn't been broken but marks were left. He flexed his hand subtly so it wouldn't be known that anything was wrong.

Then Eve said that he enjoyed it. Was he trying to just comfort Jake? Was it pity? Coming from anyone else, he would have thought they were messing with him. Getting inside his head and tricking him. But this was Eve. He was not like that. He was kind, gentle, and he had been through enough torment to inflict it on someone else.

Jake kept his head down but raised his eyes finally, holding back the beginning of tears. He had shed enough tears in his life and he was not going to do it now. Crying was for when he was alone. He never cried with company. "You did?" he asked quietly with his voice slightly hoarse. Jake wasn't sure how to respond. His actions made him consider whether he felt something towards Eve and now there was the possibility that Eve liked him back. The whole thing was confusing. He had no idea what to do. The voices of those back in the care home rang in his head but he didn't care any more. He didn't want to feel so alone any longer.

EmiRose · Jul 20, 2018

Eve was expecting Jake to leave as soon as Eve's hand was gone from his shoulder, to disappear without a word, just disgusted and feeling betrayed. And Eve wouldn't have blamed him. Eve was a gentle soul but he did not expect others to be so to him as well. And although Eve knew Jake wasn't so cruel his brain was coming up with the worst possible scenarios. The worst one being, that Jake would look at him with pure disgust and scarce without a word.
Just that thought was enough to make Eve's heart crack slightly.

But Jake didn't leave, he just stood there. Eve was also looking down, afraid making any kind of contact would break whatever veil was upon them now. Eve was afraid, that if he made even one move Jake would be gone from his life.
When Jake spoke Eve tensed for a second. Two simple words, delivered with hoarse voice that didn't sound like that of Jake's. Eve felt another pang in his chest, he felt Jake's pain as his own. Eve wanted to do something, anything, to make Jake feel even slightly better.
But he could do that later. Now Eve knew they needed to survive this situation, this moment, without their friendship shattering together with Eve's heart.
"I...yes. It's unforgivable, I'm sorry. "
Eve squeezed his hands together. Surprsingly, he felt like crying. Eve hadn't cried in years, the tears had been stuck inside him ever since Eve was brought to the island after the incident. Eve had wanted to cry, he remembered crying felt freeing. But he had never been able to. But now...
Eve felt like if he let them the tears would just start falling.
"I-I won't ask you to forgive me. But...please, Jake. If you'll allow me to be selfish for a moment...please, do not leave. You..."
Eve had to swallow before continuing. His voice was small, timid and sounded like it could break at any moment.
"You are the best thing that has happened to me since I arrived on this island. You saved me. Please...do not leave."

Wolfie · Jul 20, 2018

Now Jake had the opposite problem. He just kept looking at Eve. No tears were threatening anymore as the confirmation that Eve didn't hate him for pulling such a move on him eased his mind a little. Numerous times he opened his mouth to speak but it was as if he was incapable of letting out any sound. He was fully capable of taking the leap off of a cliff with Stefan; why couldn't he take the leap now?

"There is nothing to forgive. I... I'm just sorry that... I did that. I have never done that..." Sentences were beginning to be able to form once again but they were still difficult and his voice trailed off. All he wanted to do was leave and curl up into a ball in a corner, alone. But as Eve began to talk, the tears began to well up in his eyes again. Those words hit him hard. No one had ever said anything like that to him and he felt unworthy. Surely he hadn't done much.

Again, the words were stuck. As if he was choking on them as they began to form. His head was a mess. What was he to say? All of his life he knew exactly what other people were feeling but when it came to his own emotions, he had no idea. It terrified him. The uncertainty. "You were there for me... when I told you my secret. A secret that I haven't told anyone. I think... I think you saved me too." A single tear had finally escaped, wiping it as soon as it surfaced. What was to happen now? He liked Eve. Maybe more than liked. How was he to know... unless he found out himself?

EmiRose · Jul 20, 2018

Eve's face was void of all emotions, since he was struggling to keep them all contained just in his mind. More than one person had told Eve his face muscles were dead, and more often than not Eve agreed. But right now Eve was struggling to keep his face straight. It just felt wrong to show any emotions right now. Eve didn't know why.
Eve kept looking down, but he couldn't help but sneak a very quick look at Jake when he said...he had never done that before. Eve felt ashamed that he still had the audacity to feel happiness at that statement. Eve tried to stifle it, but that small spark of happiness rooted itself deep and Eve couldn't get rid of it.
Eve shook his head slightly.
"You do not need to apologize either. I was...happy..."
The last word Eve whispered very silently, as he struggled to voice it. Eve felt his cheeks blush slightly again, and again he felt ashamed he dared to feel anything but guilt in this situation.

Jake's next words hit Eve right where he felt the most ache, and Eve lifted his other hand to cover his face. Eve was so afraid, but somehow his chest felt tight. Suffocating. Eve backed up until he was leaning against the door, and a single tear escaped his eye as well. Only Eve didn't wipe it away, and the trail it left on his cheek felt like fire. He hadn't felt that fire in alnost 8 years.
"Saving you...gave me purpose. You are...you are very important to me, more than you think. I..."
Eve lifted his other hand on his chest, on top of his heart, and Eve clutched the shirt on top of it in his fist. Eve slowly sank to the floor and getting the next words out was the hardest thing he had done in many, many years.
"...I have feelings for you..."

Wolfie · Jul 20, 2018

Feelings? Did he mean that he liked Jake? Like, like liked him? Jake's head was buzzing with information that he was trying to process. Surely he didn't mean it in that way. He hadn't even done anything to make Eve have feelings that way. Noone would just fancy him without him doing something to make them feel that way, right? Or maybe he had led Eve on unknowingly. For that idea, he began to scold himself within his mind. Eve's reaction convinced him that it was genuine and his mind rushed with new thoughts. What if he didn't lead him on.

Was that what that warm feeling was when he was around Eve? It excited him every time he was going out with him and enjoyed every minute. Even when the situation wasn't the best, it was fine because Eve was by his side. The more and more he thought about it, the more it started to fit together like a jigsaw puzzle in his head. "I think... I think I might feel the same way..." he confessed, still a little uncertain about it. How was he truly supposed to know? He had never felt love. He had never had a family for him to love. Sure, he loved his friends but this was different. This was something else.

Now it was out in the open. The two of them had expressed how they felt and Jake had no idea what came next. He darted his eyes around, not sure how to deal with this situation anymore. Did they go out on a date? Was he supposed to kiss him again? Jake was unsure how he would feel about the kissing. There was often a time that he'd be grossed out by people kissing and most of the time, close contact of that sort just made him uncomfortable. Maybe the only reason he actually kissed Eve was down to the confidence and energy the full moon embued him with. "So..." he began, hoping Eve would have a better clue of what to do.

EmiRose · Jul 22, 2018

Eve was a mess, honestly. He wasn't good at handling intense emotions, and the ones he was experiencing at the moment were the most intense he had felt in many years. The last time he had felt emotions this intense he had been under the influence of drugs and had almost went into his warrior mode.
Eve knew he wasn't close to going berserk, since actually voicing his feelings had taken a big part of the weight in his chest away. But now it had been replaced by fear. A fear so big Eve wanted to run away as fast as he could. Naturally he didn't, Eve just sat on the floor hugging himself and staring at the floor. His face was starting to face emotion, his brow was slightly furrowed and Eve was pressing his lips together slightly. How would Jake react? Would he be disgusted? Walk out? Never see Eve again? All the worst possible scenarios were spinning in Eve's mind.

Eve was amazed at how much power Jake and his words had over him. Because when Jake spoke his next words Eve's mind was yet again wiped blank, just like that. He slowly, very slowly, lifted his head and looked at Jake with a look of disbelief and confusion. Eve opened his mouth slightly only for nothing to come out. Eve's mind was all muddled, a mix in happiness, fear, sadness, disbelief, confusion and finally...defeat. He slowly let his head sink a bit and shook it.
"It can't be, it is impossible. You must be confused, there is no reason for you to feel...that way about me. I have done nothing to deserve it."
It was automatic for Eve to think this way. His brain on some level knew it wasn't true, but even though he knew it Eve couldn't change his way of thinking just like that. Eve hugged his knees and buried his face between his arms. In his mind he was still just a murderer, a worthless being who did not deserve to be loved. He had never been loved, and although Eve had had crushes and even dated before he had never experienced deeper affection. Eve did not know what he felt for Jake was already something beyond a simple crush.
Eve could feel two more tears roll down his cheeks, and this time he rubbed them away on his black shirt. Eve took a trembling breath and looked up at Jake with a small, sad smile.
"But thank you, for making me feel like it could be possible for you to return my feelings. Even for a moment. I'm..."
Eve lowered his gaze a bit, and exhaled the next words.
"...so very happy..."

Wolfie · Jul 24, 2018

Jake looked on with disbelief for a moment. It took so much out of him to finally be honest about how he felt and Eve didn't even believe him. He was more confused about the fact that he didn't think it was possible, as though he just dismissed the idea. In a way, it sort of made him a little mad. 'You must be confused'. Sure, Jake had trouble understanding the whole situation but to be dismissed in such a way disheartened him.

He tried to see it from Eve's point of view. No doubt that he had had the same thoughts as Jake that he hadn't done anything to deserve the love but he trusted Eve and the words he spoke. Though he couldn't believe it himself, Jake still accepted what his friend had said. "You think I'd lie to you...?" he asked quietly, a sense of hurt in his voice.

Now he was even more unsure of what to do next. Should he just leave? Try to convince him? Maybe Eve was right. Jake often heeded the words of others and perhaps the conclusion his own mind came to was wrong. Eve seemed wiser than Jake could ever wish to be; he was failing his classes after all. No, he thought to himself. Fuck that. I do have those feelings. The determination in his head did not translate over to his voice. "It made me happy too."

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Private Finished Picture Not Perfect, But Beautiful

EmiRose

The Shipping Enthusiast

Wolfie

Always Watching

EmiRose

The Shipping Enthusiast

Wolfie

Always Watching

EmiRose

The Shipping Enthusiast

Wolfie

Always Watching

EmiRose

The Shipping Enthusiast

Wolfie

Always Watching

EmiRose

The Shipping Enthusiast

Wolfie

Always Watching