[P] Smother Me

Her smile was twisted, cruel, wretched and yet warm and motherly at the same time. It was bewildering how she didn’t even show remorse.

“No…!” Sabriel awoke with a start as he groaned out the word loudly, gasping and lifting his head from the table. For a few moments he was shaking, not understanding where he was until he saw the book in front of him. School, not home, not years ago – he was safe. Cold sweat dripped down the back of his neck and he put his head down into his arms, relaxing and suppressing the memories so he could regain his breath. Once he lifted his head again he rubbed his eyes, glancing around the room. There were various other students in here, but none of them looked as pale, sickly, or paranoid as he did.

As he turned his attention back to the book, Sabriel felt as though his head were spinning. He was dizzy and fear was creeping from his core and into the rest of his body, bringing tendrils of anxiety with it. “Shit,” he whispered. The feeling was familiar, all too familiar. Sabriel felt his pants pocket, and if it was possibly, he paled even more. He hadn’t taken his meds that morning and he hadn’t even brought them with him.

“No, no, no… dammit…” Sabriel pressed his head into his hands, clenching his eyes shut. A pained expression came across his face and his left leg began to bounce as an attempt to try and calm himself. He wasn’t going to be able to stand right now, and even if he could have he wouldn’t make it back to his room in time. He was just going to have to wait here until the episode blew over….

Too involved with his own problems, Sabriel didn’t see January sit down next to him, nor did he acknowledge the fact that the man had lit a cigarette. His breathing had become shaky, and his entire body had become rigid. He was leaning forward in his seat, wanting to rock back and forth but finding that he didn’t even have the will. It was almost like he was in a trance, like he was paralyzed and yet even with that every feeling had been intensified tenfold.

A deep voice pulled him out, if only briefly, and Sabriel’s golden eyes came to rest upon the purple-brown ones that stared back at him. His eyes were clear, lucid and filled with panic and paranoia. He looked at the man – obviously older, bigger, stronger than himself, and his body gave up its stiffness to tremble somewhat. Words… words, what was he supposed to say? What had this man even said to him? Why was he speaking to him?! Who was he?!

“I don’t know you,” Sabriel said immediately, backing into the chair on instinct. “I-I don’t know you, who are you, why are you talking to me? Why… why are you sitting here? Don’t hurt me, I didn’t do anything, please… I…!” His voice stopped and he squeaked, bowing his head and whimpering softly.

“It hurts,” he finally said, hugging himself around his stomach and having to bend over in the chair at his waist.

Sabriel gasped as he was grabbed and yanked from his seat, being pulled from the lounge with wide eyes and a heaving chest in confusion. What was this man doing, where was he taking him, why was this all happening?! He opened his mouth to scream for this guy to let him go, only for his voice to fail. He clenched his eyes shut, allowing this man to take him wherever he planned on going. He could scream and carry on later – at least now he was away from inquiring eyes.

The man speaking his name barely registered, although he caught it vaguely. His eyes locked on January’s just as they had before when he lowered to his height, causing him to swallow. His eyes were wide, filled with fear, agony, and profound confusion. Even the question barely registered within the confines of his swirling mind; his thoughts were jumbled, the voices screaming and howling with laughter, and he almost felt feverish. The world was spinning and Sabriel was sinking into that massive pool of blood….

And yet there was something in those eyes that kept him from fully falling into it and drowning in his own despair. He didn't fully understand it, but it was there.

January 's kiss was the final thing that pulled him out of his hellish reverie, at least enough to speak. Sabriel's velveteen cat-ears pressed down against his head, ruffling his hair somewhat. “Wha… why…” he took a deep breath; his quivering becoming somewhat more intense. “Why do you care? No one else cares, so why do you?” Sabriel’s voice was soft, his questions innocent. He turned his eyes upward in the hopes that he’d find answers in whatever parts of January he could see, but unfortunately none were there. Within only moments his features darkened and his stare returned to the hands grasping at his wrists. “What the hell are you doing, why are you touching me, kissing me?! I don’t know you – should I know you?! Get off of me; let me go, let me go! Dammit, do you hear what I’m saying?!”

Sabriel paused and yanked his arms, trying to wrench himself from January’s hold. He was weaker than normal though and his force simply wasn’t enough to gain freedom. “Make them shut up… they’re screaming, it’s giving me a headache…” Again his voice was soft, and he sounded like he could barely force the words out at all.

“I forgot to take my medicine… I need to go to my room…” Sabriel whimpered, his knees buckling and forcing him to fall into January’s chest.