Love Killer

Yoruichi was filled with drunken rage. He glowered at Jeriya, ignoring the raised voices, the banging on the wall. One thing stood out to him amongst all the fiery words, one fact that was so completely untrue that in his inhibitionless state, Yoruichi couldn't help but react.

His voice was low, gravelly, and a little more serious than it had been before. "You don't know anything about me, Jeriya... I have loved. I have loved another more than my own fucking life and he left in the most total and absolute way, so don't you dare lecture me on my-—" Yoruichi cut himself off with an deep breath. He didn't want to talk about his brother. He didn't even like to think of the man. Even so many years later, that old wound stung like a bitch, and he wasn't about to reopen it with stupid confessions and an alcoholic feeling fest. He wasn't quite drunk enough yet.

Yoruichi staggered to his feet, looming over the bed, looming over Jeriya (if he had only been a foot taller, anyhow) and glared. "As far's I know, the world is against me. I'm a merciless dick, don't you get that? I'm a terrible person, Jeri-chan. So forgive me f'r'not believing you c'n love... this." His voice was not self-pitying. It was factual - certain - as though he had long ago convinced himself of his lowness in life and was merely reciting his script.

The drunk male, just barely managing to keep his words straight and unslurred, lifted himself onto the bed with a cat-like grace. He sat perched there, eyes wide and owlish, staring at Jeriya as though he was a foreign object that Yoruichi did not understand. It was eery. Challenging. "If Jeri-chan is going to be so adamant, he can at least tell me why."

If he had been sober, his movements wouldn't have been so sloppy. If he was sober, he would have been thinking more clearly. If he was sober, frankly, this entire night would have turned out far different, and Jeriya would probably be gone. For good.

If Yoruichi was sober, everything would have turned out much, much differently.

As it stood, Yoruichi was drunk.

He was shocked, at first, motionless as Jeriya's words sank in and those lips touched to his. He was speechless as those fingers burned his cheek. Somewhere deep inside, Yoruichi knew he shouldn't believe it, but that voice was buried deep. It was too quiet to hear, and so for the first time in he couldn't remember how long. Yoruichi acted with his gut. A second into the kiss, and he began to respond.

Yoruichi moved his lips in sync with Jeriya's, his hands motionless in his lap but his body leaning forward. He didn't really know why he wasn't pulling away, and in that moment, he didn't really care. Something wasn't right. Jeriya wasn't revolting. He was just a constant, a something, a someone who despite all odds, all rationality, was possibly, probably, apparently wanting to care. It was a one in a hundred chance, but this idiot, this brute, this hopeless romantic seemed to be taking that 1%. Yoruichi didn't know why, and for once, he didn't care. He just kissed back with all the emotion bottled up inside, and then, with a gentle caress of Jeriya's blushing cheeks, he pulled back.

Yoruichi stayed close, their foreheads nearly touching, and looked into Jeriya's eyes with his own heavy gaze. "I never said I didn't want to love," he said, his words slurred and oddly sincere, "I just don't think I know how."

Yoruichi folded into Jeriya like he was made to do it, and he didn't resist at all. Instead, he just breathed in the scents of cologne and body wash, of ice cream clean blankets, of that one particular smell that he had long ago learned was distinctly Iago Jeriya. A small smile crept onto Yoruichi's face with the sound of his... his... his roommate's laughter. He'd heard it before, but he'd never... Thought he'd be the one to prompt it...

He'd never admit it, but Yoruichi had always found it to be a morbid sort of beautiful.

He kissed back when Jeriya prompted him again, but with those words still lingering in the air... With that laugh, that smile, those touches, those promises and vows and statements and I love you's... Yoruichi jerked in Jeriya's hold. Their kiss broke, and Yoruichi softly jerked again, sniffled, quivered. He didn't know what was happening. What was happening? Then a warm droplet of something slid down his cheeks, and his eyes widened in surprise.

He was crying. Finally crying. Why was he crying?

It didn't matter.

Another tear came, then another, and another still. He found himself not even shielding his face, instead clutching Jeriya's nightshirt like a lifeline. His cries were quiet but heartbreaking, and his confusion only made it more intense. Finally, Yoruichi spoke, his words the product of thoughts he couldn't even remember creating.

"I can't," he mumbled, clutching tighter. His voice croaked and cracked, and he hung onto Jeriya for dear life. "My mind is broken and I don't, I don't know how." The tears continued silently down his cheeks, wetting Jeriya's shirt in tiny splotches. "Love is... when you never leave, and everyone... everyone left... No one stayed... No matter what..."

Yoruichi rested his head against Jeriya's chest, the corner of his eye wet and soaking into the soft fabric. "If you love me... You won't leave... You... You won't leave me, no matter what... right?"

Those words... Those terrible, horrible, lovely and wonderful words... They were everything Yoruichi had ever wanted to hear. Everything. All he had ever wanted and it was too much. His cries grew noisy, and his hold on Jeriya increased. He slumped against his roommate - were they roommates? What were they now? - and fought to get ahold of his choked, gasping cries.

Though his tears, Yoruichi managed, "I don't - I don't, want to be alone... I never, never wanted... to be alone..." He gasped, shuddering violently. "I never ran from you. I was - hurt - I was hurt so bad, and it was scary, and dangerous, and I... I never ran from you... I ran from them... And I... you stayed..." Yoruichi hiccuped, sniffling, quivering and soaking in the warms of Jeriya's embrace. "I want... you to stay... forever..."

That pain in Jeriya's chest was in Yoruichi's as well. As he lied in his... his someone's arms, images of that time flashed across his mind. It was the reason he left, the reason he was so paranoid now. Why he couldn't sleep. Why he was always tense. Why he always had one eye open, and why he was always looking over his shoulder. He was always so afraid, now. He was so scared that he'd be found, that he wouldn't be able to hide, and it was all... It was only the newest of his scars.

"Oh, god, Jeriya..." he muttered, a coming to muffle the quivers of his own voice, "they fucked me up. They fucked me up so bad..." Yoruichi fought to catch his breath, but only sobbed harder into his own hand. "It hurt so much... All of it... everything... nii-san...kaa-san...tou-san...those men, monsters... All of it... It hurts so much..."

Everything felt dizzy, Jeriya's words both an anchor and a whirlpool. He decided he didn't care. "I want... to be happy... to be loved... You'll do that...? You'll... help me to be that way...?" Yoruichi moved his hand from his mouth, tears still leaking down his cheeks as he did. HE was quivering but calm, and as his eyes blurred with water and his own lack of sight, he brushed his slender fingers against Jeriya's cheek. "I'm going to stay too. Forever."