Private Finished It's Almost Like Old Times

Sarrain

Sarrain

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Rory didn't know what to say to that. She didn't want to deny it further, but it felt like a slap in the face. Had they ever even acted like friends? When it was convenient? What bold heroes they were.

She took her headgear off, the glasses and the wig. Rory let her hair down and ran her fingers through it from bottom to top to air it out.

"Who needs enemies when you have friends like us, then, I suppose?"
 
Romi

Romi

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For Jude, there was always a sense of being watched. Giltenn was watching, observing all his interactions, taking in all of his senses. Back in Halcyon city, he'd been watched by others as well. His father. The Sentinels. The city at large. He never felt like he was really alone, and even after making the jump that feeling had stuck around. Now it was Officer Genovese. Now it was even more people, ones who were watching him for that connection.

"Then I'll do what you want," Jude said, his voice slipping. He was cold now, no real emotion in his voice. He was, in that moment, a whole lot like his father.

"I'll be polite in public. But that'll be it."
 
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Sarrain

Sarrain

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Rory stood up with a clipped, "you do that." But the idea of having to see Jude often and pretending annoyed her more than just having a messy fight with him in public. Adrastia was sick of pretending. They pretended with everything, even now. Why? What was the point? What was it getting any of them?

She turned on her heel and pointed an accusatory finger in his direction. "You know what, you're a real coward, Angelo. What? You were too scared to be my friend. Too scared to be my boyfriend. Too scared for even a date. And now you're too scared to just be my enemy? Choose one, but stop pretending. I'm so tired of pretending. It's all we ever do. All we ever did.

"I didn't become a hero so that I could play the PR game and be some glorified celebrity. And I didn't keep your damn secret so we could all end up here."
 
Romi

Romi

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He should have been mad. Intellectually, he knew that that was the right thing. The normal thing. She was calling him a coward. She was insulting him. So he should be mad. Only he wasn't mad. He was just nothing.

He felt empty.

"You were my best friend," he said instead of all the cruel things that ran through his head. "And I wanted to keep that. I put that over almost anything. But you're right. We're not friends. You lost Breakneck, but I lost everything. And when I needed you the most, and had nothing and no one... you spat in my face."

Jude didn't get up. He was still sitting there at the booth, staring at nothing, unfocused. It had been a long time coming, hadn't it? He'd been stupid to think things could go back to the way they were.
 
Sarrain

Sarrain

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"No, Jude. Your dad was still alive. We were going to get him back. That was the plan. We fix everything and get him back. We protect him. Same way it was from the beginning. But you just assumed none of us could feel the same level of pain as you. You kept thinking 'I really need Adrastia' but you didn't stop to ask if I needed you back."

Here she let her voice drift to something quieter, so people would stop staring. "I did everything for you. Every lie I told. Every secret I held. It was all for you. And you think you're the only one who felt alone? At least you had the team to back you up. You had them to tell anything to. I didn't have that. I had to put on a face. I had to be brave because all of you were so afraid.

"I asked you all for one thing. Literally one thing in our time together. Help me give my friend a chance and none of you, none of you, even gave it a damn thought. I might have hesitated and complained about a few things with Basilio, but I was there for you. So how can you sit there and say I wasn't? Because I chose me over you once? What did you want me to do? Lie for you again? Lie to myself and say it was all okay and pretend?"
 
Romi

Romi

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He was still cold. He felt very, very far away from the conversation, unable to even feel particularly happy that Adrastia had thought to keep her voice down. People were still staring, but people were at least staring less. This was normal enough for the island apparently.

"My dad. But not anything else. Not my life. Not my house. Not my family photos. Not my dogs. Not my room. Not my hand. Not my body. In the end, you could have quit. You could have quit and gone home, and I never had that chance. Even if we'd won and everything had been fine, I'd still have had nothing but you guys."

There was a long pause, a long moment, as Jude tried to figure out what he was supposed to say. What had he wanted her to do?

"I wanted you to be my friend. That was all I wanted."
 
Sarrain

Sarrain

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"No, I really couldn't have Jude. You think my mom could ever trust me again? I sold my family out time and time again for you guys. With Calliope. With Aegis. And the Alexandrian and the mantle were always going to be there too. You can't just stop."

Adrastia sat back down, contemplating that. Kind of a harder request than it should have been. "I was your friend Jude. From the beginning, I was your friend. And I wanted you to be my friend, too." She snorted, took a moment to request a water to a nearby waitress.

"It wasn't really a fair position. You have to admit that, looking back. How is it fair, that I can never be in pain because you might be in more pain? I needed you to be my friend, too, and I needed you to be brave with me because I was scared and I couldn't do it alone. But you weren't. I had to do it alone. So I couldn't be there for you and me. And I couldn't be around you. I couldn't even look at you.

"You're assuming I did it to hurt you, but I didn't. I did it because I couldn't be there for you, even if I'd wanted to be. Not in the way you needed. So the others had to do it. And I did it because no matter what I was ever going to be going through, you wouldn't see it as important. How you're feeling? That's how I felt too. When someone doesn't see your issues as important, it hurts. It makes you feel unimportant."
 
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Romi

Romi

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Something in Jude's head told him to stop. That it wasn't going to matter. That it wasn't going to get any better. He couldn't tell if it was Giltenn, or if it was just himself, recognizing that things had already gone too far.

But Jude really couldn't leave well enough alone. They were arguing past each other, discussing two entirely different points. They couldn't relate to each other anymore, not really, too caught up in their own issues, their own problems.

"You had to do it alone because no one else was stupid enough to try and do it," Jude said. "Not when everyone had death hanging over their heads. Not after we'd been told not to do it. And you insisted anyway. You wanted to run off and find him, even though he was a man who couldn't be found unless he wanted to you. And I just wanted to keep the team safe. To make sure that Blade wasn't going to get sent to the birdcage. To make sure everyone was going to be okay."

He was starting to feel sick. Not crying or upset--just sick, like he was going to puke. He was losing someone else.

No, that was wrong--he'd already lost her. All he was doing was dragging it out, peeling the bandaid off bit by bit.

"You wanted us to help you. But any time we tried to help you, you got angry. Even when I put myself at risk to help you, it wasn't good enough. It wasn't right. So I stopped trying."
 
Sarrain

Sarrain

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Adrastia listened to him stone-faced when he called her stupid, again. Sure, she could have fought the idea that all she'd done since her time with them was keep them safe. Or as safe as she could manage.

She wasn't even talking loudly anymore. Adrastia wasn't as angry as she was tired anymore. "Fine. I'm an idiot. And fine, I didn't always handle things well but neither did you. I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't do enough. And hopefully, you're sorry that you constantly made me feel like an idiot." She shook her head. "I wanted to help a man who couldn't be helped unless he wanted to be, I did the same thing you did, just with someone else.

"I want to be your friend Jude, but I need you to be willing to meet me halfway. Everything that's important to me can't be insignificant, and everything I do can't be idiotic when you don't even hear it out to its entirety. You can't compromise with Blade's needs but not mine and say I'm your best friend. If you want me to find a way to understand you, you have to work to understand me too or this isn't going to go anywhere. Okay?"
 
Romi

Romi

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Jude hadn't even ordered food. If he had, he'd probably have been shoveling it around his plate, distracted.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to. If I help you, then I should have stayed out of it. If I don't help you, then I'm abandoning you. I don't know what you want."

There was probably more he could have said, but he didn't really feel like saying them. He didn't know what he was supposed to do.
 
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