Private Finished I need you to know I'm not through the night

As Jacota held Ishvi's hand he felt fear raise its head inside him. It told him to run, to leave this place and find somewhere where no one would ever see or touch him ever again. It would only ever hurt, when someone else touched you. It was better to stay on your own, chase others away, it hurt less and Jacota would never hurt anyone ever again.
He could almost hear the gunshots.
But Jacota calmed himself by looking at Ishvi's hand, concentrating on how it felt in his. Jacota could tell Ishvi had also experienced a lot, his hand told thousand tales. And just the thought of Ishvi hurting hurt Jacota, he wanted to protect this man from all that threatened him. If the pain was for Ishvi Jacota didn't mind. He squeezed Ishvi's hand gently, as if confirming he was really there.

Ishvi spoke, and his words took several seconds to register. And even then Jacota couldn't quite grasp the meaning of those words. He knew they were big and very important, Jacota could tell. And he also knew that something resonated within him as Ishvi said those words. Jacota's tail realized the meaning before his brain did, and it started wagging when Jacota was still looking at Ishvi with wide, slightly confused eyes.

But then Ishvi said he should apologize, and Jacota frowned in confusion. Why did Ishvi have to apologize? He hadn't done anything to Jacota, on the very contrary, actually, he had done so much for him.
Jacota closed Ishvi's hand in his, and had the courage to take a very small step closer.
"Don't apologize. You are too good to apologize to me, I don't see a reason for you to apologize. Not when I-"
Jacota looked down.
"When I don't deserve to be liked by you, or like you..."

Ishvi was clearly panicking, and Jacota's ears pressed down from worry and sadness as he listened to the man's words and watched him flicker. He felt so powerless, all Jacota could do for Ishvi now was hold his hand and not let go, and speak his own thoughts. But could Ishvi even hear him?
Jacota got an answer to that question, when Ishvi took his other hand too, and proceeded to state what both of them already knew. Jacota nodded a bit, and his grip on Ishvi's hands was gentle yet firm.
"Yes, we are. We're not okay inside."
But when Jacota said that he, amazingly, smiled a little and squeezed Ishvi's hands ever so slightly.
"But I think...I'm going to be okay, if...if you're here."

Jacota let out a soft sigh as well, and his tail swayed back and forth nervously as he forced his eyes from their hands to Ishvi's face. What he was about to say had to be said face to face.
"I'm not good, I've killed a lot and done bad things. I was, still am a bit, in a bad place."
Jacota had gone to therapy, and there he had found these words. They helped bring forth what was happening in his head. But...
"But you make me feel better just by being there. I want to protect you. I won't be scared away, nothing you say can change how I feel."
Jacota's words were determined, and the loyalty that was natural for him shone from his eyes.
"I...I want to help you...feel better too. To be okay. Can I help you?"

Jacota really wasn't that used to this, being there for someone and consolibg them. He didn't know if he was supposed to be honest or give advixe, or just listen without saying anything. Jacota was feeling many things now, he was sad, angry, happy, worried, afraid and many other things, and they were all because of Ishvi. Jacota was angry over someone making Ishvi think he wasn't good like this, as not entirely an angel. Someone hadn't cared about Ishvi for all he was, and Jacota was happy he was able to do that. To not see any of the things Ishvi didn't like about himself as bad, but Jacota was also sad and worried for it. For the fact that Ishvi couldn't see how much good there was in him, Jacota wanted to help him see it. And all these feelings were so strong inside Jacota, he couldn't hold them back, and that...was scary.
"I...don't have a home, because I-I'm the one...who destroyed it."
Jacota whispered, whimpering silently. But this shouldn't be about him. Ishvi needed him.
"I don't think you're bad either, Ishvi. You're good. All of you is good to me."

Jacota could smell the growing moisture and tears in Ishvi's eyes before he saw it and that only made Jacota's protective instinct worse. He wanted to somehow shield Ishvi from all the bad that was making him cry, maybe hug him, and save him. But Jacota had enough sense not to hug Ishvi, although he did wrap his hands around Ishvi's bit more and move just an inch closer. Jacota's tail was down, almost between his legs, and his ears were pressed down.
"I-I'm scared too..."
Jacota admitted, and it physically hurt him to admit his fear out loud. But for Ishvi it was worth it. He had to know he was not alone.

Without a moment hesitation Jacota nodded at Ishvi's request, and did a quick scan around to look for a bench, as private as possible. And he remembered one, that wasn't far away from here. It was blocked from view by a tree and some bushes, Ishvi could cry there if he wanted.
"I know a spot. Here."
Jacota said, and let go of Ishvi's other hand so he could gently pull him along as he made his way towards the bench. It would only take few minutes to get there. Jacota also obeyed Ishvi's other request, and tried not to look at him at all, so the man could shift if he wanted. But Jacota, unless Ishvi pulled away, didn't let go of his hand.

It was like Jacota could sense the moment when Ishvi shifted, and he glanced back briefly to see him in his nightmare form. As a small child Jacota had been taught to accept and cherish his nightmare side, he hated many things about himself but his other form was not one of them. Rather it had saved his life many times. But Jacota could see in Ishvi's body language that he didn't enjoy being a nightmare, that it hurt him. It made Jacota feel conflicted, on the other hand he wanted Ishvi to like himself as much as Jacota did, but the nightmare side was hurting Ishvi inside, making him feel bad, and Jacota wanted to destroy it for doing that.
But for now Jacota squeezed Ishvi's hand and held back a frustrated growl. He was frustrated at himself for being powerless.

Surprisingly, Jacota didn't think crying as a sign of weakness. It was a waste of body fluids when you needed to preserve them, but otherwise Jacota thought, that tears had a purpose. It was something his parents had taught Jacota, that a person should never be ashamed of feeling things and wanting to express them. Jacota himself hadn't cried in years, his body had refused to do so for so long.
But when Jacota heard Ishvi's words, tumbling out in disarray and frantically, he felt like crying. Jacota's chest felt tighter, and that was just when they arrived on the bench. Jacota waited until Ishvi sat down, and before he did he remained standing, holding Ishvi's hand, looking down at him. In the darkness Jacota's eyes were moist as well, but he had a gentle yet determined expression.
"I won't leave you alone. You can deal with things when I'm here, helping you. You are you no matter what. I see you, Ishvi. I see you."
With those words Jacota sat down as well, never once letting go of Ishvi's hand. Rather, he began yearning something more, something bigger. Like...
"I want to hug you..."
It was but a mumbled whisper, as Jacota stared down at their joined hands.

Jacota could feel the need to snarl twitch his upper lip, when he listened to Ishvi's words. He was angry at whoever had made Ishvi believe those things, but his anger had no target. All of the things Ishvi said and believed didn't convince Jacota to like Ishvi less, or leave. Rather they only made it more clear that this was right where he wanted to be, and he wouldn't leave if Ishvi didn't drive him away. And id their still adjoined hands were any proof Jacota wanted to believe Ishvi truly wanted him here.
"If you are half a person then so am I. I s3e you, and I like every side of you. You don't hurt me, you make me feel better. You won't hurt me, so it's okay if...if you want to hold onto me."
Jacota squeezed Ishvi's hand a bit at the end of that sentence, and his expression was sad and concerned as he looked at Ishvi.

"We can protect each other, and try to be good together. I don't want to leave you, I won't leave you. I don't want you to have to become okay by yourself. I want to help."
Jacota's tone sounded almost desperate, and his ears pressed down a bit. He didn't even notice the tear, that fell on his cheek and rolled down slowly.
Jacota was embarrassed, when he realized Ishvi had heard his whisper. He hadn't even realized he had uttered it out loud. Jacota felt Ishvi was looking at his face, and he blushed in the darkness, wanting to cover his face.
But instead of rejecting him, or pulling back Ishvi touched his arm with one of his wings. Jacota looked at Ishvi and his wing with surprise. He slowly, hesitantly, reached out to touch the wing with his free hand. It was warm. Jacota scooted closer carefully, until his and Ishvi's shoulders bumped ever so slightly. Jacota didn't outright embrace Ishvi, although he wanted to. He started by leaning onto to the man a bit, and the closeness was almost intoxicating.