i can't buy help on a bundle at walmart

Lei had been staring at the butters... for hours.

She squinted at the sticks in her hand. In one hand, it was DairyFarm All-Fresh Farm-Range Organic Butter. In the other, Paula Dean's I Can't Believe It's Not Butter. It looked like butter. It smelled like better. And if Lei was a criminal (which she wasn't), she would've peeled the edge to taste it, and she guaranteed it would taste like butter probably.

But wasn't that a fallacy? As a Chemistry major, she knew for a fact that certain chemicals smelled like something delicious but it wasn't in actually, and most of the time it was poison. She bought a Baygon that smelled like orange candy and it killed all the cockroaches in her room, which had gathered because she forgot about a plate of hot pockets in her bed. Back to the point, there was a small chance that it wouldn't taste like butter. It probably wasn't poison, but it wouldn't taste like butter.

Except, she had to argue again, on a Linguistic scale, that Paula Dean couldn't believe it wasn't butter because it tasted like butter, but it wasn't actually butter. Why else wouldn't she not believe it? If it didn't taste like butter, she wouldn't associate it with butter, hence her disbelief.

Lei was holding a stick of Organic Butter in her left, and a stick of Not Butter in her right, trying to decipher these strange white people codes. Organic Butter. Not Butter. Were there butters that weren't organic? She'd heard something about high fructose corn syrup being genetically altered to taste like other flavors. Maybe that was what Paula Dean meant.

She only had, like, ten dollars. She wasn't going to spend all of it on freaking butter. She wanted some goddamn Doritos, and if she picked a butter to put on the meal she was going to make for Clarence that he didn't like, he'd fucking deal with it. Just deal with it, cute perfect boyfriend, who gave her coupons for a high end shoe store, which she loved. Ahhh, no, that was unacceptable. She was going to do this right, no matter what.

Deciding she was going to buy both sticks of butter, finally, she walked over to the cashier and heard a click. Huh? The lights turned off. As soon as she got a grasp of the situation, she heard motorcycles going off outside.

"No!"

Did she just get locked in freaking Walmart!? How the hell did they not see her!? Was it because she couldn't reach the top shelves???

She pressed against the glass window, watching the motorcycles leave in the distance. Augh! No! Fuck! Shit! She banged aggressively on the windows. "Fuck you, assholes!!! Help!!! Heeeeeelp!!!"

Lei had accepted her fate.

She was going to die. (No, she fucking wasn't, Walmart was going to open tomorrow.) She didn't even bring her phone. She couldn't text her loved ones that she would soon perish beside the toiletries section (fitting). She would die without being remembered. She dragged her hands dramatically against the glass window and flopped on the cement floor like a fish, but like, if fish were suffering from despair and dying an untimely death at a Walmart. She grabbed a large economy pack of tissue papers, hugging her tiny body around it, stroking its plastic cover. It was going to keep her warm in this cold, cold night.

"I knew consumerism was going to kill me," she whispered morosely to the roll of tissue paper. "I couldn't help it. I want to eat all the potato chips."

Just then, a shadow enveloped her. She looked up. Lei threw her little tissue roll friend to the side and knelt to look at the window, sticking herself against the glass. "Help! I'm stuck!"

Lei looked at her flatly as she tried to inspect her confines. Even if she were able to break it, she could imagine that would be pretty easy, she didn't want to. That was a crime, and she wasn't a criminal. It wouldn't look good on her student record.

"How do you think, ding dong?" Lei raised the two sticks of butter (sorry, butter and non-butter) for the woman to see. "I was shopping for groceries, asshole! And now —" Lei walked over to the door and shook the handle violently. It didn't even move. She was locked in. "— I'm here! I'm locked in, I don't..." She huffed. "Get me out!"

Lova was about to throw a stone at the window. Lei scrambled to the side as she could, and when the impact hit, the stone did a number on the door — a large crack but, unfortunately, somehow still intact. Lei dragged her hands down her face. "What the hell!? Are you crazy!? You're not just leaving this like that, right!? Look, I'm not a criminal! Don't do that!"

As Lei tried to freeze the door back together, Shining Knight McPretty Boy stepped forward. Oh, lordy. She wanted to swoon. At first, she rejoiced, she was saved! But then, the guy talked like that, and all she could think of was how he would probably shield bash the door.

Dear god no.

"I'm Lei. This is Lova. She's my..." Lei squinted at Lova. "Vigilante savior. Look! Mr. Arelon, can you get me out? B-but don't break the store, for fuck's sake! I don't want to go to prison. I'm a good person! I don't deserve this!"

W-What? She was going to try again? Lei was... on the verge of an aneurysm, really. She covered her face to brace for impact.

Nothing.

The pretty blonde dude was talking. Lei visibly relaxed. Oh thank god. She pressed herself against the window to talk to them. "Yeah. I don't know what I can do here, but I'm up for it. Just... don't break anything!!"