Cordelia sat on the cold sand, dark eyes gazing out at the even darker water. The moon was full, the stars were bright, causing enough light for her to see. Both reflected against the surface of the ocean, though she hadn't really noticed. There was no emotion on her face, except for the slight fact that the corners of her mouth were turned downward somewhat. It wasn't a frown, exactly... just not the happiest expression one could have on their face.
Her hair was down for once, though her hat was on the sand beside her. She was leaned forward somewhat in an attempt to keep sand from getting into the ends of her long, black hair. However, it didn't really work... and she didn't really care. She had a black sweatshirt on as to keep herself from getting cold, and black, baggy pants with plenty of chains were on her lower body. White socks were on her feet, toes twisting about in the sand and her shoes right next to her hat. She was just out of reach of the waves, so she didn't have to worry about getting wet.
The woman didn't worry or even think about everything or anything going on at the moment, just staring out at the sea. She was twenty-years-old now, finally out of her teenage years. But she still looked younger, like a nineteen-year-old, and she knew that wasn't going to change. She was a vampire, after all... and she wasn't going to age, or change at all, ever. If she tried to cut her hair, it grew back, same thing with her nails. If she got wounded, it would heal up, and look like nothing had ever happened. She didn't like this... she didn't like it at all... staying the same way she was forever was just... she didn't know. She tried not to care, to act as if there was nothing wrong with her and that other people were the problem... but that just wasn't so.
And then there was the fact that she hated being a vampire. Killing to survive, having to make people go through what she had to. No one deserved to lose someone they loved, no one. Then there was always being able to withstand only a little sunlight, and most of all being considered evil. She wasn't really an evil person — even though she could be thought of as one for her rude behavior — but weren't vampires what most people considered evil? That was what Katana had assumed in the towers, after all, since she had thought she was going to hurt her.
Cordelia shook her head, toes no longer wriggling about. The fact that it was four days until Christmas had come to mind, and a scowl came to her face. Christmas, the holidays... no, they weren't happy this year. She put a hand to her forehead, and her shoulders trembled somewhat. Right now, she could have been at home, with her family... but no, they were dead. She hadn't been able to bring her husband and child back... and maybe becoming a vampire was her punishment for trying to do so. She wasn't sure, though... wouldn't anyone want to try and bring back the people or person that they loved most of all? She wasn't wrong about trying to do that... so why would she be the only one punished for trying to give herself a happy life? Sure, she had Sonlath, and now her fledgling Jira... but.. well, it just wasn't the same.
She couldn't think about this, she didn't want to. What had happened had happened, and she couldn't change it, so why even bother being upset about it? But she just couldn't help it. The woman shook her head again, and pulled her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them tightly. She rested her forehead against her knees, hair falling from over her shoulders and hiding her face from view.
Why.... she thought to herself, trying to push thoughts of the past away, even though her attempts were worthless. It didn't work, and she just kept thinking about it.
Her hair was down for once, though her hat was on the sand beside her. She was leaned forward somewhat in an attempt to keep sand from getting into the ends of her long, black hair. However, it didn't really work... and she didn't really care. She had a black sweatshirt on as to keep herself from getting cold, and black, baggy pants with plenty of chains were on her lower body. White socks were on her feet, toes twisting about in the sand and her shoes right next to her hat. She was just out of reach of the waves, so she didn't have to worry about getting wet.
The woman didn't worry or even think about everything or anything going on at the moment, just staring out at the sea. She was twenty-years-old now, finally out of her teenage years. But she still looked younger, like a nineteen-year-old, and she knew that wasn't going to change. She was a vampire, after all... and she wasn't going to age, or change at all, ever. If she tried to cut her hair, it grew back, same thing with her nails. If she got wounded, it would heal up, and look like nothing had ever happened. She didn't like this... she didn't like it at all... staying the same way she was forever was just... she didn't know. She tried not to care, to act as if there was nothing wrong with her and that other people were the problem... but that just wasn't so.
And then there was the fact that she hated being a vampire. Killing to survive, having to make people go through what she had to. No one deserved to lose someone they loved, no one. Then there was always being able to withstand only a little sunlight, and most of all being considered evil. She wasn't really an evil person — even though she could be thought of as one for her rude behavior — but weren't vampires what most people considered evil? That was what Katana had assumed in the towers, after all, since she had thought she was going to hurt her.
Cordelia shook her head, toes no longer wriggling about. The fact that it was four days until Christmas had come to mind, and a scowl came to her face. Christmas, the holidays... no, they weren't happy this year. She put a hand to her forehead, and her shoulders trembled somewhat. Right now, she could have been at home, with her family... but no, they were dead. She hadn't been able to bring her husband and child back... and maybe becoming a vampire was her punishment for trying to do so. She wasn't sure, though... wouldn't anyone want to try and bring back the people or person that they loved most of all? She wasn't wrong about trying to do that... so why would she be the only one punished for trying to give herself a happy life? Sure, she had Sonlath, and now her fledgling Jira... but.. well, it just wasn't the same.
She couldn't think about this, she didn't want to. What had happened had happened, and she couldn't change it, so why even bother being upset about it? But she just couldn't help it. The woman shook her head again, and pulled her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them tightly. She rested her forehead against her knees, hair falling from over her shoulders and hiding her face from view.
Why.... she thought to herself, trying to push thoughts of the past away, even though her attempts were worthless. It didn't work, and she just kept thinking about it.