Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.
The only sound in the near-empty waiting room was of the clock, seconds passing away one after the other. Toby had been a little sick for the past few days, but Seth hadn't thought anything serious about it. It was normal for children to come down with the sniffles, right?
God, why hadn't he taken him to the doctor sooner?!
The child's fever had been through the roof, he'd cried all the way to the hospital- Damn it, why was he so stupid?! He had promised Cordelia he would take care of her child, he'd- Oh God, what if-
He wanted to slump over in his chair, put his head in his plms, nearly tear his hairs out in worry, but he composed himself for Nikki's sake. His closest friend had agreed to come with him for moral support- God knows he needed it- so all Seth could do was sit and stare up at the clock.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
Somewhere, a door opened, causing Seth's gaze to shoot across the room. He recognized the man immediately, it was Toby's pediatrician. Seth stared at him, face blank; he knew what it meant when the doctor came into the waiting room. There were only two outcomes.
The doctor shook his head slowly.
Tick.
Seth was already standing and gone by the time that the doctor was ready to explain what had happened. He didn't need to know details- they didn't matter- God, why?! He walked through the sliding doors to the outside, not caring that he'd left his jacket back in the office. He wore only a sleeveless black shirt, like always, but he didn't feel the cold; it was outweighted by the burning sensation in his chest, in his lungs, in his eyes.
He was moving throughout a horrible nightmare, moving with heavy feet to the parking lot and into the passenger seat of Nikki's car. His movements were all rigid; he had to try three different times to buckle the seatbelt. Thank God his friend had agreed to drive, there was no way he could manage it right now. He let his head fall back, staring up into the car's ceiling. So many things running through his head right now, yet he felt so numb to- everything.
When they arrived at Seth's apartment, he fumbled with the key, and not because of the darkness, until the door was open. He stepped over the threshold, leading into the kitchen, slipping his shoes off before flicking a light on. He ran a hand through his hair, made his way to the bedroom-
Toby's crib.
It was sitting in the corner, like always, but- Oh God, it was empty. It was always going to be empty from now on. He stood still, eyes fixated on that place, for what seemed like a painful eternity. Memories were flooding him; of promises to Cordelia, of joyful moments raising the child- Too overcome, he made his way slowly to the bed, collapsing on top of the covers. He didn't bother undressing, he didn't care about taking his necklace off- all he wanted to do was lay down and let his sorrow out before he drowned in it.
It didn't matter that Nikkolai was still there, he knew his friend would understand his pain. Without hesitation or restraint, he let the tears that he had been holding back since they'd left the office flow freely; tears shed for Toby, for Cordelia, for all the people that he'd let down. He sobbed now, curling up into a fetal position.
He was alone again. So unrelentingly alone. His family was across the ocean; Cordelia was gone to God knows where; Cass, Selia, Dorn, none of them would understand; Nikkolai- He was there, but still so very far; and Toby-
Why was life so cruel to him? What had he done to deserve this torment? Was it punishment for being the way he was? Did some higher power have a vendetta against him; was he simply cursed to be unhappy?
I'm alone. For the first time in my life, I'm truly alone...
The only sound in the near-empty waiting room was of the clock, seconds passing away one after the other. Toby had been a little sick for the past few days, but Seth hadn't thought anything serious about it. It was normal for children to come down with the sniffles, right?
God, why hadn't he taken him to the doctor sooner?!
The child's fever had been through the roof, he'd cried all the way to the hospital- Damn it, why was he so stupid?! He had promised Cordelia he would take care of her child, he'd- Oh God, what if-
He wanted to slump over in his chair, put his head in his plms, nearly tear his hairs out in worry, but he composed himself for Nikki's sake. His closest friend had agreed to come with him for moral support- God knows he needed it- so all Seth could do was sit and stare up at the clock.
Tick. Tick. Tick.
Somewhere, a door opened, causing Seth's gaze to shoot across the room. He recognized the man immediately, it was Toby's pediatrician. Seth stared at him, face blank; he knew what it meant when the doctor came into the waiting room. There were only two outcomes.
The doctor shook his head slowly.
Tick.
Seth was already standing and gone by the time that the doctor was ready to explain what had happened. He didn't need to know details- they didn't matter- God, why?! He walked through the sliding doors to the outside, not caring that he'd left his jacket back in the office. He wore only a sleeveless black shirt, like always, but he didn't feel the cold; it was outweighted by the burning sensation in his chest, in his lungs, in his eyes.
He was moving throughout a horrible nightmare, moving with heavy feet to the parking lot and into the passenger seat of Nikki's car. His movements were all rigid; he had to try three different times to buckle the seatbelt. Thank God his friend had agreed to drive, there was no way he could manage it right now. He let his head fall back, staring up into the car's ceiling. So many things running through his head right now, yet he felt so numb to- everything.
When they arrived at Seth's apartment, he fumbled with the key, and not because of the darkness, until the door was open. He stepped over the threshold, leading into the kitchen, slipping his shoes off before flicking a light on. He ran a hand through his hair, made his way to the bedroom-
Toby's crib.
It was sitting in the corner, like always, but- Oh God, it was empty. It was always going to be empty from now on. He stood still, eyes fixated on that place, for what seemed like a painful eternity. Memories were flooding him; of promises to Cordelia, of joyful moments raising the child- Too overcome, he made his way slowly to the bed, collapsing on top of the covers. He didn't bother undressing, he didn't care about taking his necklace off- all he wanted to do was lay down and let his sorrow out before he drowned in it.
It didn't matter that Nikkolai was still there, he knew his friend would understand his pain. Without hesitation or restraint, he let the tears that he had been holding back since they'd left the office flow freely; tears shed for Toby, for Cordelia, for all the people that he'd let down. He sobbed now, curling up into a fetal position.
He was alone again. So unrelentingly alone. His family was across the ocean; Cordelia was gone to God knows where; Cass, Selia, Dorn, none of them would understand; Nikkolai- He was there, but still so very far; and Toby-
Why was life so cruel to him? What had he done to deserve this torment? Was it punishment for being the way he was? Did some higher power have a vendetta against him; was he simply cursed to be unhappy?
I'm alone. For the first time in my life, I'm truly alone...
