Good Grief

Keen

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Nov 23, 2016
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Kon busied himself in the kitchen as he awaited Helena's arrival. He had called her earlier for a talk over at his place, asking her for some help on something. He didn't explain further than that. All he mentioned was that he wanted face-to-face advice on something and that it didn't involve anything bad. Helena trusted Kon enough to meet up at his place to discuss it further.

Konpeitō went to a friend for help on how to be a good person.

It was stupid. It was why he didn't want to explain it over the phone. He wanted to have Helena here so he could show it was something he wanted to be dealt with seriously. Not a silly phone conversation that deserved half-assed advice.

Was that manipulative? Maybe. But wasn't that the point of all of this? To talk with a trusted friend about something he was having a hard time dealing with. His morals.


 
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EmiRose

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Helena hadn't spent time with Kon like this as friends for a while. At least she knew why, things had gone down between him and Destra and due to that Kon had decided to take distance from Helena. It had initially annoyed and saddened Helena, since she was more than just her boyfriend, but she had also understood where Kon was coming from. So Helena had just nodded and let Kon take his distance. Since that was also what friends did.
Recently they had gotten closer again, which was a relief for Helena, since she wanted to treasure all the friends she managed to make. And since Kon had asked for Helena's advice on something naturally she had jumped at the possibility of helping Kon.

Helena arrived at Kon's apartment and went on over to his door. Now that she was here Helena was even a bit nervous, and curious about what Kon even wanted to talk about. But she would find that out soon enough. Helena exhaled and knocked on the door, and as soon as Kon would open the door Helena would smile.
"Hey Kon. How've you been?"
 

Keen

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By the time Helena arrived, Kon had finished all his preparations. In front of the couch was a plate of onigiri and apple rabbits for the two to snack on.

When he heard the knock, he quickly opened the door and greeted Helena with a smile. His good mood would have been more convincing if not for how his entire body was overlayed with a light shade of grey. In the privacy of his own home, he didn't body trying to hide any natural changes his shifting made.

"Hi Helena! I've been... Okay, I won't say well but I have been doing pretty well for myself all things considering. Come in." He moved out of the way for Helena to enter, then closed the door once she was inside. "There are snacks on the table. I wasn't sure how long we may be talking for. Do you want a drink too? Tea, juice?"
 

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It was pretty clear to see Kon's mood wasn't optimal, and not just because of the shade of his body. He himself admitted that things could've been better. Helena nodded a bit at his answer, and came in.
"At least things aren't completely looking down. Bright side and all that."
Helena said, her smile now smaller but still there. As soon as Kon would Helena would follow him over to the table.
"Well, tea would be great, if you don't mind. Thank you."
Helena felt a bit awkward, so she automatically fell to her polite speech pattern. One she used with people she knew she shouldn't or couldn't displease.

"Do you want to jump straight to the reason why you need my advice, or do you want to chat a bit first? You know, work our way up to it?"
Helena asked, her tone careful and gentle, and she looked at Kon with a question in her eyes. Since if it was a very serious matter Kon might feel uncomfortable just talking about it right away.
 

Keen

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Kon nodded enthusiastically about the bright side comment. He always looked on the bright side, no matter what. Call him stupid, but it made life much easier and fun.

Setting up the green tea for Helena and himself, he gave a shrug as the first part of his answer to Helena. "You know how I am. I prefer getting straight to the point! Honestly, what I called you over for is pretty silly... Sorry if I made you worry." While his colors remained dull, they became a little pink as well.

"I wanted some advice on... uh... being a better person. I feel like..." It wasn't proper for him to speak with his back facing her. He turned around and leaned on the kitchen counter. "I want to be a good person, and I think almost anyone can become one, but I'm not really sure how to get there. I'm not even completely sure what counts as being a good person and what doesn't... I figured you'd be one of the best people to get advice from. You've been kind and reliable from what I can tell. You even accepted me back after I basically ditched you for reasons that weren't your fault."
 

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Silly? Helena's eyebrows rose a bit, as he observed Kon get a bit embarrassed while preparing the tea. Or at least that is what Helena assumed the pink hue on his body meant, a kind of blushing effect.
"We both know I'm probably going to worry no matter what, so no need to apologize."
Helena said with a chuckle, not commenting on the matter being silly. Since if Kon wanted advice on it then it couldn't be completely silly. And Helena wanted to give him serious advice no matter what kind of problem Kon had.

The matter that Kon ultimately wanted to talk about surprised Helena, and it showed on her face. He wanted to be a good person? Helena wanted to comment just on that, but she listened to Kon until the end, nodding a bit along the way.
"I don't think this is silly at all, it's an admirable goal, really. To be good. And I'm really touched you consider me good enough to consult."
Helena's tone was happy, and she let out a small embarrassed laugh. She knew many people considered her a friendly person, and Helena often felt like she was wearing a mask when talking to other people, since in truth she was much more brash and even bratty than she let on. But Helena also thought there was nothing wrong with wearing a mask if the individual themselves didn't feel uncomfortable with it, even though that didn't seem to be a popular opinion.

"Based on how you said you want to be a good person and not a better person I assume you don't consider yourself a good person?"
Helena's tone was non-judgemental, as she presented the question. In her personal opinion Kon was a good person to some extent, but yes, he could be better. Anyone could be better. Helena herself could be much better, and she was well aware of her own flaws and where she came up short. The first thing Helena wanted to know was if Kon realized in what areas he could be better. That alone would make his goal much more reachable.
 

Keen

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The pink hue to his body faded away when Helena said she didn't find his goal was silly. It was barely noticeable now unless you paid close attention.

In response to her question, Konpeitō rubbed the back of his neck. "I want to say I think I am. I've done a lot of good so far. And a lot of bad. Nowadays, it's more bad thoughts and feeling fake in my kindness. But I don't think I should get too deep into that. Might be a heavier topic more suited for my therapist."

Realizing he was becoming sidetracked, he steered things back to his comfort zone. "I've just noticed my empathy has been decreasing and with it my patience for stuff I find annoying. My empathy was never really good, but it's been taking a dramatic dive recently. It feels... weird... to be kind to others and have little empathy. Fake. It feels fake. And I sort of am being fake."

After saying that, he went to pour the hot water into two cups and add the tea bags for Helena and him.
 
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EmiRose

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It was normal for people to have worries and problems. Part of existence was being troubled and finding solutions to those troubles only for new ones to pop up. Sometimes big, sometimes small. Kon had a lot of worries, and unlike Helena he wasn't afraid to voice them and ask other people's help in finding solutions. Or at least he did it more than Helena, she had been taught from a young age that at the end of the day you need to find solutions on your own, and receive help only when it's essential. Helena was a bit jealous of Kon, honestly. She wanted to be able to ask for help, to be vulnerable.

Helena briefly thought about that as she listened to Kon. Helena wasn't actually all that surprised that he was struggling with empathy, she had had an gut feeling that it was so. And when he was finished and proceeded to prepare the tea Helena nodded and let out an affirming sound.
"I more or less understand what you mean."
Helena said, remaining serious, and if Kon gave her the tea she would receive it with a nod.
"I'm more than happy to give you advice, but...I'm not sure if you'll be happy with my point of view. Since I'm probably not as good of a person that you think I am."
Helena said, hesitating a bit in the middle, and looked at Kon with an apologetic smile.
 

Keen

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After serving the tea and settling down, Kon watched Helena intensely. While he put on the front of friendliness and let his nervousness show, his eyes were focused on Helena's reactions towards him. If he was making her uncomfortable. If he wasn't being believed. Anything of the sort.

"I don't understand what you mean. If you're talking about any crimes you've done before coming to the island, I don't think it matters much. It'd actually be further proof that you're good at being a good person because of what you've done before."
 
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EmiRose

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"No, it's not about any crimes I have committed. Rather, I don't think I've done anything so bad I should be thought evil because of it."
Helena chuckled a bit, the worst crime she had committed was probably shoplifting. She shook her head a bit and sipped her tea before continuing.
"I'm talking about how I'm also faking most of my goodness, as you call it. I do have empathy, but most of the kind actions I perform I do because I have been taught to act that way."
Helena explained, her expression still serious. In fact during her early teenage years Helena had done her own small rebellion, she had acted out, done every small wrong thing she could think of, did everything according to her impulses. And after those few years of lashing out Helena had deemed that it was easier to act polite and be nice, things got done faster and easier because of that.
"I probably can't give you any advice about how to stop feeling fake, because I feel that way too, a lot. But if you still want to hear my advice I'd be glad to give you some. Since only acting nice towards people isn't all when it comes to being good."
Helena tried to smile reassuringly, but also readied herself for possible rejection or disappointment from Kon.
 
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