Going Full Circle

Sarrain

Sarrain

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Rory was still livid. Not at Jude or Broen or any of her team. In fact, Rory wasn't entirely sure who she was livid at. Yet. She was on a warpath to find out.

She sat Jude down with a good stew, crackers, and a drink. A full stomach would help get him talking, but if that didn't work, Rory's intense staring sure as hell would. She wasn't quite at the 'no lying ultimatum' stage of anger, but it was close enough.

"Jude, I need you to tell me everything that happened? How did you even--" She sighed. "How prepared were you for something like that? You knew it could happen, right?" She clenched her fists.

 
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Romi

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Jude didn't really know how he felt. Not really. He had a lot of emotions and most of those emotions weren't quite snapping together the way emotions did. There were too many moving parts. His job. Zora. The nameless lizardman. Gil. Broen. Officer Genovese. Trying to sort through any number of them was... was something.

"Maybe," Jude said, picking at a cracker. "She warned me on the second day. I asked her about information security, and she gave me this whole thing about there having been incidents."

He was thankful for his perfect recall. Thankful he didn't have to second guess himself on what she did or didn't say. "She said things were uncertain recently. That she'd been attacked, targeted by a gang, and threatened by a Praxian and a dirty cop recently. But..."

Jude glanced out his window, swallowing what remained of the cracker.

"I assumed it was business stuff. Corporate espionage. Smuggling. Not forty men with guns. Hostages at worst. Not indiscriminate mass-murder."

Jude shuddered, and the metal fingers of his left hand dragged across the bruise on his right hand almost instinctively.

"Not like that."
 
Sarrain

Sarrain

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Rory crossed her arms as she listened, nodding. That was... well that was enough, Rory supposed. "I'm going to talk with her. Shit, Jude, I don't even know if you should go back to that job. I can't... well I've never really commanded any of you when it wasn't tense. So I'm not going to do that. I won't order you, but... do you feel safe going back?"

Rory got up to pace again. She turned sharply with every few steps, eyes low to the ground — not out of submission but out of anger. "I can't determine if I'm angry at her or not. She kind of seems like a kicked puppy. Fuck. This is a shit show. I should have been there. I could have--" Rory sighed and grit her teeth.

"I'm sorry. I'm trying to calm down. Just... you guys could have been killed. I'm supposed to protect you."
 
Romi

Romi

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"You should let the cops handle it," Jude said quietly. He didn't acknowledge the I don't know if you should go back. He didn't answer at all, preferring to stare out the window instead.

He was trying not to think about work. He was trying not to think about the fact that the place he'd been working was in pieces. That there were chalk outlines on the floor, that two of the people he'd grabbed coffee with were dead.

"I'm... leaving it to the cops. And I'm not thinking about my job for a few weeks," he said. "But this wasn't on you. You can't be with us all the time. And sometimes we have to... to handle stuff ourselves. To be smart and realize it was a shady situation and walk away."
 
Sarrain

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Rory growled, still low, and managed not to move more quickly or aggressively than she already was. Jude was right. He was normally right. He was smart like that.

"The cops — The cops can handle the case. That's not what I want to talk to her about. I want to talk about you guys and whether... Well, it doesn't entirely matter. I'm sure Broen will yell at me, you probably too.

"But dammit, Jude! I'm sick of sitting and waiting and being quiet because I'm afraid of the people I love getting pissed at me. I've tried it and I still fucked up. I can't only be a leader when it suits me."

She stopped pacing and took a seat near Jude, positioned so she was right near him. He looked like shit and there — There actually was something she could do.

She carefully kept her sleeve in place when she set an arm around him in a sort of hug that didn't threaten skin contact.

"Just know I'm here for you, okay? I'm here and nothing could pull me away."
 
Romi

Romi

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Ah fuck. There it was again, water in his eyes. Definitely not crying--he'd done enough of that yesterday. In the ambulance. In the hallway with Officer Genovese. When he'd gotten home with Officer Genovese. And then again before bed.

He swiped at his eyes, pulling his legs up to his chest and making himself breath.

"Giltenn turned off my ability to panic," Jude confessed. He hadn't told anyone else yet, but who was there to tell? Rory. Just Rory, really. She'd be the one to think it out, to reason it out with him and what it really meant.
 
Sarrain

Sarrain

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Rory took that in. She could imagine why that would fuck Jude up so badly. She spoke with even coolness. "Giltenn needs to ensure you'd survive. Panic would keep you from that." She paused. "I get it. It's scary to imagine Giltenn can control you that way and I'll be honest Jude I think Gil would turn off any emotion, or do whatever they needed to ensure they survive or fulfill their goal.


"That said, we have ways to stop them if you're really worried."
 
Romi

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There she went, being the calm, level headed one. That was what he needed. Confirmation that he wasn't crazy, that it was... scary. Because it was.

"I worry they can tamper," Jude admitted. "I worry they can just... adjust. And it's not like I can ask them if they can, because they could just... lie. They could just say no I'm not but they actually are. And honestly? I don't actually think they are. But the possibility..."

The possibility loomed.

"I don't know. I guess I'll... look into ways to stop them. But... I don't know. It feels unstable. Like I'm sitting on a house of cards. I used to think AEGIS were crazy for sticking a limiter on, but now? Without a limiter, my entire body's adjusting. I'm... I don't know. Becoming more like Gil? Becoming a better host."

His dad would know. His dad would know what was happening and how to stop it. But his dad wasn't there.

Jude buried his face in his bruised hand.
 
Sarrain

Sarrain

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"Can Gil even lie? You mentioned once that they're incapable." But Rory thought about the worst case scenario. She shook her head. "No, I doubt Gil would lie, but that doesn't mean they can't tamper and that doesn't fix the issue that they did.

"My first suggestion would be to go to Genovese and ask about the types of limiters they have here. If you can get something that doesn't get rid of your ability to use your arm at all. We have to face the fact that something like this was going to happen. Being the host of a Gultha was never safe. If we can find a way to safely remove Giltenn, I think we should do it."

She looked away when he put his face in his hands. Rory wanted nothing more than to lay her cheek to his. But she couldn't do that, so she settled for tightening her hold a little. "No. Don't do that. Don't hold back like that. If you can't cry in front of your team, then who can you cry in front of. It's going to be okay, Jude. We're going to make it okay."
 
Romi

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It wasn't really about Gil lying or not lying. He knew, mentally, that Gil almost definitely wasn't. Gil had been up front when he'd asked what he was doing. They just didn't ask.

It felt uncomfortable. Especially after spending time with the presence of the metronome looming in his brain.

"I looked into it before. I just feels unfair. It feels like... like I'm blaming them. But Giltenn's saved my life, maybe more than once, and locking them up..."

It had helped, hadn't it? Giltenn had helped at least twice and he still felt sick thinking about it.

"I'm cried out," Jude admitted. "I just... I want things to be normal. I want to go back to a schedule and do normal things like normal people do. If I sit here I'm going to just spend all my time thinking about it."
 
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