Gentle Things

Every once in a while, Wohali kind of regretted letting Adeline become his friend.

This was one of those times.

He didn't really know why he let the red-haired girl drag him into the city, only that she apparently had some purpose in doing so and was very adamant that he tag along. Initially, Wohali wasn't going to. He just wanted to read his book, but Adeline was insistent. She said that he was always reading, and she had a good, solid, lifelong gift to give him. The term lifelong was what initially sent Wohali's alarms blaring - what the hell could she get him that would last a lifetime? friendship? Done. A wedding ring? lol no. What? - but after a long while of nagging, he'd finally given in. So, now, he was walking next to Adeline on his way to a mystery building, a scowl on his face that, for once, didn't entirely meet his eyes.

What could he say? He might have regretted liking her in the first place, but at the end of the day, he still did.

@MARIE

Wohali froze as Adeline spoke, his eyes shifting between the door and her suddenly serious face. Animal shelter? Touching things? What was that girl doing? Adeline knew without a shadow of doubt how he felt about physical contact. He didn’t like it, not briefly, not innocently, not even cats and dogs. It freaked him out, feeling something warm beneath his fingers, something breathing and alive, even if it wasn’t out to get him. Adeline knew that.

Suspicious, tense and guarded, Wohali eyed Adeline with a scrutinizing stare. “What are you trying to do, Adeline?” he asked, his voice low and careful. “You know I’m not okay with touching. What’s your angle, here?” Wohali wouldn’t have even come had he been informed of their destination. He would have shut her out and nope’d away immediately. Bringing him to a place where he’d have to interact… physically react… It was almost like a betrayal. It was. It was a betrayal. So why was he still standing there, still and motionless, expectant as he pointedly didn’t leave?

@MARIE

Abuse? Bad places? Adeline wasn't just talking about the animals anymore. Detail about his past. Implying he had one. Had one he wouldn't want to go into detail about. With no touching. And abuse. And bad places. She'd seen the signs countless times. That fear, a specific fear, one she wasn't defining but was implying so damned heavily. Helpless was a term she'd used for the animals, animals she related to him in the same breath. Helpless. He was so far from helpless.

Was he really, though?

Adeline knew a lot more than Wohali ever wanted her to suspect.

But she was assuming a lot more than she knew.

This was a betrayal. He'd think that, if anyone was ever stupid enough to try to figure him out, they'd have the tact at least to keep their findings to themselves. They wouldn't take Wohali somewhere terribly uncomfortable, assume about his life, and imply it was all for his own good. Like they knew what he'd been through. Like they knew how to fix it. If Adeline knew the hell Wohali had gone through, she wouldn't even want to be around him. She'd be disgusted, he knew, and she sure as hell wouldn't be looking at him with such an ignorant expression as this. If she knew even half of what his life had been like there's no way she'd sit around and tell him how to live it.

This was betrayal. This was someone saying the wrong things at the wrong time, but so purposefully done he wondered if it had been planned. If this betrayal of his trust had been planned from the start. Straight from the motherfucking get-go. This someone was the only person he'd decided might be worth letting in, just a teeny tiny bit, just enough to actually meet outside of school grounds with only one hidden knife - in his sock - rather than with two strapped to his belt. Wohali never, ever felt safe anymore, but he felt less in danger with Adeline. Felt. Past tense. He could hardly describe what exactly she'd done, but all Wohali knew was that she'd betrayed him.

All of this and more flashed across his eyes as he stared bitterly, unwaveringly into Adeline's. Then, he turned, and then, he left. He just started walking. Away from this stupid girl. Away from this stupid shop. Away from this stupid idea of friendship and all the problems in his life that made it difficult.

He didn't even bother to let himself hurt.

Adeline was able to catch his eyes for a moment, but Wohali soon looked away. He hated how genuine she seemed. It always hurt when people did that, because every time, every god damn time, it ended up that they were lying. Soothing words and they'll make it nice, it won't hurt, he won't hurt, everything is going to be okay and every fucking one of them was a liar. He couldn't start believing in anyone now. He couldn't let himself trust when everyone in the work was a liar.

Wohali knew that he could just walk around this girl and leave her behind, forget her name, forget the fact that he'd ever seen more in her than another pretty face out to get him. It would be so easy. He'd done it so many times. In fact, he almost did, but then she called him strong as fuck and Wohali was too focused on not crying to ditch. He didn't let it show. His eyes didn't grow moist. The sting behind his eyes was strong, but it didn't overcome his will. He'd long ago taught himself how to keep himself together in even the worst of times, and this was far from the worst.

So, biting his tongue, Wohali listened to every word that Adeline said. He wanted to badly to believe her. He really did. But knowing that she knew he was hurting... Even if she didn't think him weak, Wohali did, and he'd long ago discovered that his opinion on himself was the only one that mattered.

But he wanted so badly to believe her.

He wanted so badly for a friend.

"Look. We're going to make a deal," he said, finally meeting her gaze. The rims of his eyes were ever-so-slightly pink from their effort to stay dry, and Wohali's voice was hoarse with emotion — not a lot, he wouldn't allow that, but just barely. Just more than his usual distant tone. "I can't believe a damn word you're saying, but I'm going to go with you into that shelter anyway, and we're going to pet some fucking cats. If after I decide to pet some fucking cats, I feel like crawling under a table, booking it for three miles or even passing out, you won't acknowledge it or offer help. And you won't mention it. Whatever ideas you've got spinning in your head, ditch them right fucking now. You don't know what's true and what's not, and I can bet you a million bucks you're not sitting on the jackpot. So don't talk about it. Don't say a word. Don't even think about considering to attempt to figure me out, because that's a surefire way to get me gone. Got it?"

Wohali closed his eyes, took a deep breath through his nose, let it out through his mouth. He needed to calm down. He was getting worked up. No need to punch the shelter wall and break his hand again. No need. No need. In, out. He was good. He wasn't pissed. "If we're good on that, then fine. Let's go pet some fucking kittens." And with that, he turned once more and walked away, but this time into the shelter.