First Session: Cat

it was a mess, in Valli's opinion, but it wasn't Valli's place to tell Cat the answers. Part of therapy was teaching someone to find their own answers.

"It sounds as if Malara has poor communication skills, from your description," Valli noted. "And that you don't feel as if you can speak to her about her problems. Part of dating--especially engagement--is about being partners with your, well, partner. It's about being able to open up to someone, and to trust them. Would you say your relationship fits that otherwise?"

"You're afraid of her reacting poorly if you explained your concerns to her," Valli restated. "But that isn't healthy."

That was something he found was important. Clearly stating that something was or was not a healthy behavior. People often grew up with twisted ideas of what was or wasn't healthy. Someone raised in an abusive house might think it was normal to shout and threaten in every argument. Someone raised without regular access to food might think it was normal to hoard food.

"A relationship can only be a good one if it exists in both good and bad. Right now, it sounds like it exists only in the good. You should be able to talk freely with your partner, so if you want the relationship to continue in a healthy manner, you'll need to consider ways to allow yourself to open up to her."

He could only address Cat's own issues, not those of Malara.

"Feelings," Valli said, "are not logic. They aren't math. It's almost never as easy as something being a 'valid reason'. All reasons are valid. Just because you feel that your emotions don't break down into simple logic doesn't mean they're wrong. Your emotions are valid, even if you can't explain why. They're still the emotions that you feel."

It was important for her to know that.

"The first step is recognizing that your emotions are valid. Just because a part of something is good doesn't mean you have to be happy with it. Think of it like an apple covered with mold. If there's a spot of mold, most people won't eat it, even if the rest of the apple is just fine. Humans are the same way--if there's an issue, we fear the issue will grow if we ignore it, and so our mind focuses on it."

It was important for her to realize that, but it didn't really resolve it.

"From there, you need to work out what exactly the issue that you're facing is, and work on figuring out solutions."