First Session: Cat

Kyp

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Cat stood outside of Valli's door for a solid ten minutes. The last time she'd felt this nervous was when she stood outside of Malara's front door on christmas night. This, however... This was a different kind of nervousness. She'd been anxious to be accepted then. Now she was just... Terrified of her own fears. She knew it wasn't healthy. She knew Mal wanted to fix it but... She'd reached out to someone else for help. Mal would never have to know.

Finally, she reached out and knocked twice before opening the door. The clock inside indicated that it was five minutes past when she'd made an appointment to speak with Valli. She hoped he didn't mind. Cat slid in and shut the door behind her, nervously scratching at the back of her neck as she walked closer to the middle of the room.

"I-I um... Valli? Sorry I'm late."

@Romi
 

Romi

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Valli barely registered that she was late. People often came late. Sometimes people didn't come at all. Really, it was only after the appointment was half hour that he considered an appointment a wash.

HE glanced up when the door opened, giving Cat a wide smile when he spotted her.

"Cat, correct?" He said, wishing there was more to her name. Just one name sounded terribly informal the first time around, but Cat's paperwork--as brief and largely lacking as it was--had only said 'Cat'.

"My name is Valli," he said, introducing himself despite the fact that she obviously already knew his name. "I understand you booked the appointment for yourself?" An important detail, since so many people didn't.

 

Kyp

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"Yeah."

Cat timidly stepped forward, closer to Valli at his desk. This was a good thing. She could trust him. He could help her.

"I um.. I did. I... Figured it was about time. Otherwise everything would've just... Gotten worse, yeah? These things don't fix themselves."

Cat toed the ground, refusing to meet Valli's eyes. She would be fine. She was scared, but it would be okay. She wasn't in danger here. She was never really in danger on the island.

"I have a few different reasons, I guess. Not sure if you know how to help with all of them, but... It's a head thing, so I'm.. Hopeful, I guess. I'm not sure how these things work, really. I just... I have problems and I want to fix them. I know it won't be an overnight thing, but... Just being here is a start, right?"
 

Romi

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Valli didn't usually offer to shake hands. A lot of his patients were touch-adverse, and it generally came off as a bit tonedeaf to try.

He settled for a wide smile, pushing himself out of the chair at his desk as he moved over to take a seat on one of the chairs in the center of the room.

"Please take a seat," Valli said, gesturing for her to sit where she liked. "The first step is indeed choosing to reach out, which you've already done. I should start by pointing out that because of my powers, you'll see me as a bit more pleasant then you might otherwise. I should also note that anything you say here will be confidential. I'm only allowed to break that confidentiality if I believe someone is in immediate danger."

He preferred to start with all that, wherever possible. "I also won't approach you outside here - and I won't acknowledge you as a patient unless you acknowledge me first."

 

Kyp

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Cat curled up on the couch, kicking off her shoes to pull her feet up next to her. She let her head rest on the armrest, still avoiding making eye contact as she got comfortable with her knees pulled up to her chest.

"Pleasant is good though. I'd rather someone who looks like they can help over someone who looks like a robot."

Cat looked up briefly, finally meeting Valli's eyes for a short moment. That moment said enough. She was scared, nervous. But she wanted to believe he could make it okay agian. Or as close to okay as possible.

"I guess that's okay. I haven't told anyone I was coming here today, so..."

Cat trailed off, then cleared her throat to continue.

"No one really needs to know yet. I want to start making things better before I talk to anyone else."
 

Romi

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"That's understandable," Valli said. "People can often become caught up in the idea that if they don't improve fast enough, people might judge them. Everyone works through issues at their own pace, and there's no right or wrong speed, juts the one that works for you."

Valli settled in properly in his chair, leaning back and folding his hands in his lap. Comfortable. Relaxed. He was in his element, effectively, and she had his full attention.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you sound like you have a specific issue or concern you want to work on." A safe bet, considering that the majority of his patients came in because they had one specific issue they wanted to talk about. Very few came in for general care as he called it. He supposed that was simply the state of mental health care--people didn't think it was the sort of thing that needed general checkups the way you would a normal doctor.

 

Kyp

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"I don't think it's really an idea to get caught up in. More of... Trying to make people proud and then being painfully made aware that no matter what you do they'll hate it with a passion because they have nothing better to do."

Cat wriggled around on the sofa, moving her head closer to the edge of the armrest to see Valli better. He looked comfortable. Like this was just another day. It probably was, to him. He helped dozens of people through their problems, so this wasn't new to him. Part of her felt like she should leave now. Apologise for wasting his time. Like someone else would need it more. But as he'd already said: most people didn't come to him by choice.

"I've been here almost a year and everyone tells me I need to stop being scared. Stop being a wimp. Like I can just do this overnight. I have my moments, where I'm brave and I can actually deal with the situation, and some people are actually proud of me for it, but then some of the same people that tell me to stop being a wimp give me this look like I just spat on their grandmother's grave. It's... Hard to tell what I should really be focussing on. I could keep trying to be braver. I could give up. But it wouldn't matter to anyone either way."
 

Romi

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It sounded to Valli that she had a lot of negative influences in her life, but it was hard to say that without knowing for sure. Instead he nodded, acknowledging what she'd said and filing it away for later.

"Fear is a rational human response," Valli pointed out. "Everyone's scared sometimes. But when fear rules your life, it's important that you take control of your life. Not for them, but for yourself. If you measure yourself by how other people feel about you, you'll only be disappointed. You'll work hard and people will shrug off your hard work, or you'll do something minor and they'll celebrate. It's hard to tell what to focus on, because people are so varied and fickle. You need to choose to do things for yourself."

Self-motivation was important. Very, very important.

"Are you afraid of anything in particular, or more of a general anxiety about life?"

 

Kyp

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"Rational..."

Cat stayed quiet, considering what Valli had told her. It didn't feel rational. It felt like she was overreacting. She felt like every time she felt proud it was like a four year old being proud of a stick figure drawing, when they were expected to draw a realistic profile. Like all her problems were stupid and shallow, because so many people had it so much worse on the island. She was scared of being left behind when she'd never actually been abandoned.

"I'm jumpy. Kinda skittish. Like a rabbit, or a deer. I have been since I got here, on the island. Lots of species eat human flesh here, and some of them liked to tease me. Not that it's. Particularly amusing to me, but there's plenty of third parties that either just get angry that I'm not standing up for my self or find it as entertaining as the one doing the threatening. I'm... Seen as a particularly tasty appetiser by one of my fiance's other girlfriends. Polyamory, it's not like she's cheating on me. I know she likes the other more than me, and I'm scared that once she gets bored, I'll get tossed aside to the spider for disposal. I got... Swept up in the moment when she proposed. And now that the honeymoon phase of that is fading I'm questioning why she asked me first instead of one of the people she's been dating longer."

Cat sighed, rubbing at her face to hide the tears that were springing up.

"I'm just causing more problems for myself than I should, and I can't deal with it all on my own."
 

Romi

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Oh dear. Dating problems were definitely not helping things, and the entire thing was a giant mess of no. Rushing into engagement when they weren't sure. Jealousy issues in a polyamorous relationship. Genuine fear of the other party.

To say the least, it wasn't healthy at all.

"Have you spoken to your fiancee at all about your concerns?" That was the first step--finding out if she'd communicated and not been heard, or not communicated at all. "About any of them, in general."

 
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