
"Yes," Shay seethed. "An experiment that cost people's lives and eternal afterlife. You don't just wake up one day and become a fuckin' Lich, Charlie."
And she rolled her eyes at the idea that Bertrand was some grand hero. "No. Bertrand is handsome and — He's no more hero than anyone else. He's not pure. He's not innocent. He's just a person. A person with some stupid halo effect. He's handsome sure, and he seems perfect, but you think a hero would walk around bragging about being a hero?
"The closest thing to a hero in this world is the bad people. Angelo is a hero, and he's taken fathers from their children. Sons from their moms. No remorse about any of that. But he's a hero to me. No one is universally a hero. Nothing works that way."
She turned her back on him like an impudent child, crossed her arms. Shay's voice was quieter now, not less angry but it was a cold anger forced with the fire of time. "I used to tell myself when I was really young that we're more than our powers. It's true, a little. But we still are what we are. I'm Shay, and I'm a Reaper. If I weren't a Reaper I couldn't have –" she cut off and looked at her stomach where her tattoo resided.
"Things wouldn't have happened. We can pretend all we want that what we are doesn't define us, but it does. I would not be this Shay if I were not a Reaper."
She listened to Charlie. Shay didn't feel pity for him, exactly. But she didn't feel pity anymore at all. She'd heard sob stories from plenty of people now. She'd heard real sadness too, and there came a certain coldness once you listened to enough of them.
Everything here felt personal. If she were a real professional, Shay would have walked away and let someone else handle it. But she wasn't. She wasn't like Angelo. In this way, she was like Klaus, and that only made her hurt worse.
"Of course it hurts!" Shay said, turning to watch him. Her voice was harsh, but her eyes were searching for the truth of those words.
"The world hurts. It's not just you. You immortals. You're all powerful, but you've got no strength to you. A social stub of the toe has you all hiding while you talk about hurting or killing people like me because... because why? I don't know. You all have your different reasons. You're so lost in your own pain you can't see other peoples."
Shay made urgent motions to the door, indicating the people beyond. Out of sight but not out of mind.
"You keep coming at Gwyn, but have you ever bothered to try to see why he might be uncomfortable? You laugh at Clement because he didn't do things like you, but have you ever stopped to see why that was? You constantly prod at Reapers for doing their jobs. Their jobs. The jobs that keep the people you want to be close to safe.
"You sit here telling me what a monster you are. Stop pitying yourself. You think you're the only one? You think I'm a good person? I would do terrible things to members of humanity. I don't hide behind any good deed."
And then Shay wondered. She had to challenge his past hatreds. She had to understand because not understanding was killing her. It was pissing her off. And now... was she even angry anymore or had instinct just taken over? Was she once again just doing her job?
"What badness could you have seen, Charlie, that made you want to kill it all. You can't empathize with people. You only feel the sympathy, but you don't
know. You were in war when you were younger, right? But growing up with humanity, always watching from the outside looking in you couldn't possible have been forged the way we were."
She went and knelt in front of him, made sure he was staring into her eyes. For once, Shay didn't think they gave way to what she was thinking. Because even Shay wasn't sure what that was.
"You ever been taken into a family and wake up the first night with some guy standing over your bed? You ever been so brutalized you wondered if you even wanted to get up in the morning? Can you comprehend the nightmares? The tortures? What pains can you compare, if any?
"You treat everyone like a game to figure out. Everyone like a book to research. But we're not those things and you will never get close to anyone treating them like they are. We're not your experiments or your playthings."