Do You Want Me As Much As Them?

Felix huffed and moved away, sitting himself back to the table. "We can't have a conversation if you can't take criticism. Jesus, it's like talking to a child." Felix took a sip of his now cold tea. It tasted like bitter water in his mouth.

Felix reached out for the confectionery next. He rested his cheek on his palm, sighing. "Then deal with your emotions on your own. You have no right to attack me for arbitrary things that you're feeling."

At the next part, Felix looked away. As a personal rule, he always kept people at arm's length. He... didn't like that acknowledged. He wasn't as cold anymore, softer even, but too vulnerable he didn't want to look at Jeong anymore.

"Some people date on a whim. I don't. I used to sleep around, got a lot of interested people, I am pretty enough..." He sighed, "...but I don't let anyone close enough so they never really mattered in the end. When I close my eyes, I don't remember anyone's face other than Toby's. It's like nothing really exists when I'm not looking at it." Ghosts. Some days people didn't feel real, some days they felt more real. Whatever it was, it always felt like Felix was behind a glass, watching them but them being unable to watch back. Toby was the only person that ever saw there was a person watching beyond the glass.

He furrowed his eyebrows. His expression seemed out of focus, but it sharpened again. "You're a good person, Jeong. Better than I'll ever be. If you want to go on dates, sleep around, I won't say no. But I don't think I can ever love you in the way you want me to."

You see right through me, Jeong said. Felix saw through everybody. People were too easy to understand. Right then, he could feel his words affecting Jeong, as if the man was suddenly told about something hidden in plain sight.

"I know it's your problem, but if it starts affecting other people, it's their problem too. I judge everybody by the actions they show me, not the person hidden underneath." Namely because his own outward shell was more palatable than who he really was. It was a continued effort on his part to go against his own nature. If he could be genial even as a monster, it shouldn't be hard for other people to be the same, right?

Felix didn't see Jeong as a weakling, but he did view him too much like a child who didn't understand what he was doing but rushed headlong into adventure anyway. It wasn't a bad way to go about things, but it was a serious weakness when it was time for more serious adult discussions.

As he listened to Jeong's last bit, he got to the entire root of the matter, presented openly to him. It wasn't about dating Felix or having him be an invader. Jeong wanted a sense of unity. Now that intentions and actions flowed harmoniously again, Felix could feel his feet right back on sturdy ground. He could forgive this.

"I never hated you, Jeong. Alright, at some point I did, but irrationally so — that was before I got to know Jett better. We can definitely try to be friends. Whatever happens from that point happens." He opened his arms to hug him.

Felix felt a lot more settled. He liked it when he helped things click into their proper place. It was what he was made for. He looked at Jeong warmly, giving him a small smile.

"Thank you. I think you are too, even if you disagree with me." While Felix had a habit of flattering people, he really meant it. Maybe Felix was amazing to him but... for Felix, Jeong was exceptional in many ways he wasn't. He gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "It did have a bad middle, but it wasn't bad overall. Thank you for approving of me. I'd approve of you but..." He chuckled, "you've been around longer. Seriously, though. I don't think I can think of anybody better for Jett, and you're very good to Toby. You're always way more patient with them than I am."

Oh, it seemed like they were wrapping things up here. He tilted his head at him, amicable. "Are you leaving soon? Would you like a ride back to your place?"

"I'm glad to hear that. I know you would. When push comes to shove, you're a good boyfriend and husband." As for minding driving him, Felix shook his head. "It's not too much at all. I offered!"

With that, Felix put on his coat, took his car keys, and gestured Jeong out of the house. He was glad they wrapped that up the way they did. Things should get better from this point on.