Private Finished Dead Eyes And Understanding

John stared down onto the campus grounds with his back to the door when he heard the door open and knew who it was that opened it. There wasn't anyone else who would have known that he would be up here, much less keep quiet long enough for him to have to guess who it was.

"John" Tomomi said

John turned around to show Tomomi his face. He was smiling as if he was having the best time in the world, but the look of a dead fish in his eyes and the tears streaming down his face said otherwise. It was as if he was displaying a different emotion on the top half of his face than the bottom. He eerily looked at Tomo silently for a second taking in her appearance before speaking in his normal voice adding to the twisted nature of his want to keep a veil of normality.

"Tomomi, you alright? You were quite riled up down there. I'd hate myself if you got hurt you know."

@EmiRose

John stared at Tomomi, his facial expression remained completely the same as when she came in. Should he tell her? Humanly speaking he should have gone insane long ago, so the fact that he had some modicum of sanity was amazing and thus there may be some merit to telling her to take some of the pain off his chest.

"You aren't wrong about the hating myself part Tomo" John said as normally as he could

John slid down and sat with his back to the wall and lost his smile. He had lost everything from the time he was 14. He had just learned from a nice police person that he wasn't being sacrilegious, but that had opened a large door for John, the door of regret and sadness.

John's body starts to shake uncontrollably. He hadn't planned on showing this much of himself to anyone, but now that Tomomi was here it made it harder for him to allow himself to let go of his emotions. John tried to stop the tears, but they would flow regardless, so he motioned for Tomomi to come over.

"You wont forget me right?"

@EmiRose

John felt slightly conforted by the hug and the methodical stroking on his back and would try to return it later. John at that moment just buried his face into Tomomi's shoulder and took the shoulder to cry on. John just answered unreservedly. At this point he wasn't equipped emotionally to respond to Tomo's question with a lie or a misdirection.

"When I was younger I had been raised in a cult, I was by most definitions, happy for the most part. I-I loved my parents despite my treatment from time to time and believed that they meant the best for me. Until, that is, they forgot me.... literally looked and acted like they had no memory of my existance. Nothing that I could do would have jogged their memory. To this day I have no Idea if it was induced by some sort of drug or situation or.... If they decided to sell me off."

John shuddered and took a moment to stabilize his voice before he went back into his monologue.

"From my house, a family acquaintance brought me to a lab and told me to sign a few papers. Those papers, I had learned later, signed any human life I could have ever had. I became in all intents and purposes a slave rat that lived in a lab. A bottled human. Less than the literal dirt on the shoes of any person..."

John started sobbing a bit more into Tomo's arm as his emotions caught up to him, he needed to take a break before continuing. But he managed to squeeze out one statement while crying.

"I hate him, Tomo, I hate him more than anyone, including Yuna. If I see him I'll kill him in the most brutal way possible...

John returned to cry into Tomo's shoulder before he collected himself to continue his story.

@EmiRose

The fact that Tomomi was there had went from being a bane to a boon. John buried his face into her shoulder and sighed in response to Tomo's stroking. Under normal situations John wouldn't have particularly enjoyed or felt calm at the contact, but right then it was almost his only saving grace.

"They jabbed something into my neck and I blacked out. When I woke up, I was in a white room, you know the kind, the ones they throw loony people in with a tattoo'd number on my arm all irritated and covered in puss filled blisters. The rooms were the kind that make it almost impossible to hurt yourself. The white room.... the walls ever consuming. No contact with people allowed at all, each day my food would literally be put into my room from a small slit deposited by a while robotic arm through a slit in the wall. I couldn't even see the door, it was all walls."

John shudders again, remembering the room. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that he was more familiar with that room than any other thing that could have existed.

"Did you know that when a person is subjected to extreme isolation they start to go crazy. Humans need to talk and interact with those around them. I started to see things, feel things, even taste things. At first they were just shadows standing in the corners of the room, but at one point they started to talk.... I dont know in what language, but they were. I could even feel them, but just as fast as they would appear they would disappear. I am pretty sure I gave up for a while.... To be honest, the whispers from that room still occur in my head at times, but I ignore them for the most part"

John picked up his head and sighed a bit. John knew deep down that he hadn't had it the worst, but it still hurt immensely.

"Do you understand what goes through a person's mind when they are alone like I was. I started to think I lost emotion. I craved for pain, pleasure, or anything in between. I started to look for ways to cause pain, but I couldn't find anything. I once tried to bite my tongue and cause pain, but for some reason it was dulled and healed quickly."

John gave a hug back to Tomo then and squeezed as hard as he could, like a child to their stuffed animal when they were scared at the sound of thunder during a rainstorm.

@EmiRose

John shakes his head as if to say that he wouldn't. He didn't respond, though as he had no confidence in his voice. He had heard where Tomo had paused, but hadn't processed for anything important about it. once he collected his voice he resolved to finish his story as fast as possible

"To finish my story one day I literally just developed them.... my powers and walked out. I was lost in the world, but I will tell you how I ended here later."

John leaned back grabbed tomomi's shoulders and looked straight into her eyes

"If there is one thing that has happened to me that I would never regret, it would be meeting you Tomomi. Thank you for being a friend that would lend their shoulder for me to cry on. Thanks for standing up for me. Thanks for just being my first friend on the island. I would give you anything for what you have done for me. If you ever need anything from me, just ask and I'll be there got it?"

John puts on a smile showing her that he was okay

@EmiRose