Crossing a Line

“No, I’m not so mean now,” Sam said, listening to Jacota’s movements. Under such an innocent examination, he couldn’t help but feel a little guilty. Yes, he wasn’t mean now. But a few months ago he probably would’ve yelled something nasty Jacota or worse. He still felt a little dishonest even now. “But I used to be mean. I had to. But I didn’t like it.”

His first instinct was to move away when Jacota came closer to him - it would be a threat in a fight for somebody to have the jump on in from os close - but he had to stop being so nervous, so he stayed.

“Yes, that’s right,” Sam said, and smiled again listening to Jacota’s tail wat. He hadn’t been called Sammy in a long time, and hearing it like that made his heart feel bigger in his chest. He liked it. When he was given permission, Sam reached out his hand and scratched him gently on the head. Soft. Fluffy. Unmistakeably a fluffy dog.

“Your fur is very soft•

"I don't think I am, no," Sam said. He was a horrible person once. That he had acknowledged, and tried to change, but having this questioned by Jacota hurt. Just a little. He had the ability to be mean. He was probably larger than Jacota, even in his human form, and could beat him in a fight, but he wouldn't do that. He's not like that any more.

When Jacota didn't move away from Sam's petting, Sam moved his hand to scratch under his chin. Dogs were nice. Having a person who's a dog was a bit different, but Jacota's coat certainly felt like a normal dog.

"That's good. Guess you don't have to buy so many clothes," Sam said, then added, "Be careful you don't get heatstroke in this weather, though."

“Thank you. Hey, you don’t have to always be mean. You’ve been pretty nice to me, Jacota,” Sam said. That was what he personally believed in for too long as well, that he didn’t have the ability to be anything more or better than what he was. Recently he had recognised that this had changed, and he was going to keep working on it. He didn’t always have to be mean or afraid. “It takes time, but you can become nicer. Just give it time.”

Sam noticed when Jacota flinched. He made a mental note to not make sudden movements around Jacota, and continued to scratch absent-mindedly. He had always liked dogs.

“That’s good,” Sam said, then added, “it would probably be pretty nice to shift in and out of dog form. Could’ve helped me a lot back then,” he grinned.

"No, I didn't throw rocks at you," Sam said, finding that statement a little funny at first. Not throwing rocks didn't necessarily mean that he was a nice person. And rocks were certainly not his weapon of choice. Well, he supposed he could levitate rocks if he really wanted to. But that's not as effective as a knife. "That makes sense, Jacota. Nobody deserves to be treated nicely if they're not nice back to you."

"I had to steal food sometimes," he said, when he heard Jacota's story. Being able to shift into a dog must've been convenient. Hong Kong wasn't a nice place for strays, though. Most got rounded up. "They used to buy me food when I was younger. But when I got older and when people would short me on money I sometimes had to steal or eat food that restaurants threw out. "

It's why he was still a bit prone to food aggression and hoarding things now. He was so used to having nothing to eat, now that he had food whenever he wanted he still tended to eat as fast as he could and store food away. Even when he didn't need it. He was working on that. But again, he was working on a lot of things.

"That makes sense. It never feels nice when people go out of their way to hurt you," Sam said. He's had his fair share of people going out of their way to hurt him. Some of them he thought he trusted. Some of them he took care of. But they betrayed him in the end, as people usually do. His therapist says he has to start to learn to trust. But that isn't as easy as it sounds. "You're welcome. I'm working on it. Not being mean."

Although Sam liked dogs, he still instinctively recoiled from Jacota's paw. He didn't expect a dog to do that. Okay, a dog that was a person, but still he looked like a dog. It took him quite a bit of self restraint not to lash out, but he stayed still after returning to his original position. "I'm sorry. I like you. I just don't like to be touched."