Blue Christmas

These Thursdays were the only escape that Cosette had from the strip, from the life she led in the club, as Ulric's captive and so-called wife. Until recently Cosette had thought that was all there was, that she could never escape and she would just always stay with Ulric, be his toy and decoration and punching bag. But during these recent months...Cosette had met people. Friends. And they had shown her a glimpse of what Cosette could have. A normal life, normal job, maybe even happiness. The last one was an option Cosette barely had the courage to hope for, but it crossed her mind now and then, tempting her.
But even if Cosette wished she had no means. She couldn't talk to anyone about her situation, Ulric had a wide network capable of many things and Cosette didn't want to cause trouble or endanger anyone. So, she had to endure. Maybe someday Ulric would...get bored of her, pity her and let her go.
And until that happened Cosette would just do her best to enjoy these moments of freedom the best she could.

Cosette was dressed in her normal outfit, oversized white winter jacket, long baby pink skirt, beige Uggs and a knitted light blue beanie. Everything she was wearing was either concealing or too big, so Cosette's body would be obscured and people wouldn't feel sexually attracted to her and thus be affected by her aura. Although at the moment Cosette was wearing her nullification bracelet, a gift from Ghum, and it disabled her aura. Cosette was just used to this style of dressing, and she didn't have any other kinds of clothes. Cosette had to use her funds wisely, because Ulric checked her every purchase, so buying new, nicer clothes wasn't an option without a good reason.
But the way she dressed was far away from Cosette's mind, because she was going to see Willow for the first time with her nullification bracelet on. Would Willow treat her differently when she wasn't affected by Cosette's aura? What if Willow ever even liked Cosette because of the aura? They had met few times before this but all those times Cosette hadn't had the bracelet. She was feeling very anxious, and butterflies were flying around in her stomach. Cosette really liked Willow, and enjoyed her company, and it would crush her if Willow would dismiss her now because of the bracelet. Cosette thought she would even be prepared to never use the bracelet with Willow, if that meant the woman would still like her.

With these worries Cosette walked down the street, fidgeting with the strap on her big shoulder bag and heading towards their usual meeting spot. Cosette couldn't share her phone number, address or real name, so she and Willow had agreed on a spot and a time they would meet on set Thursdays. Christmas was coming up, and though Cosette had never officially celebrated the holiday she knew some of the traditions and wanted to give Willow and all her other friends gifts. Very smartly chosen gifts, something that she could buy herself as well as other people.
Cosette could already see the spot where Willow usually waited for her, or she Willow. Cosette looked around, excitement now overpowering anxiety, she wanted to see her tall blue friend as soon as possible.

Cosette didn't have to wait for long until Willow ran over to her, her breathing heavy. It was clear Willow had hurried to meet Cosette and that thought made a happy smile rise to her face. That thought, and Willow's words. The woman never failed to make Cosette laugh and smile. Cosette's cheeks were already bit red from the cold, so when light blush rose to them it was barely discernible.
"Hi. It's okay, I only got here just now. Your coat is- Woah!"
Cosette didn't have time to finish properly, before Willow pulled her into a hug. That was one thing that hadn't changed from their first night together, Willow still liked hugging and snuggling and other forms of physical affection, and Cosette didn't have anything against it. She blushed some more and smiled, hugging Willow back. She liked the feeling of her hair being nuzzled by Willow, and Cosette nuzzled her face against Willow just a bit.

Cosette could feel people looked at the two of them and though she wasn't ashamed she was embarrassed and smiled at Willow shyly when she backed away.
"Hot chocolate sounds nice, we can warm up a little."
Cosette's clothes weren't exactly high quality, and only fended off enough cold to keep her from freezing to death.
"I'm doing well, I was looking forward to today. How about you? I hope you're not working too much."
Cosette said as the two went inside, and looked at Willow with concern. Cosette knew she was a nurse and nurses had an important job. But sleeping was also an important job for everyone so they could take care of themselves.

Holding Willow's hand made Cosette's heart jump and then race, and she squeezed it back and smiled up at Willow. Her hand was so much bigger than Cosette's, Willow as a person was very much bigger. Cosette liked it, it made her feel safe when in her presence. So when Willow held the door open for her Cosette stayed close to her, feeling slight disappointment when Willow let go to take off her gloves.

Simple words from Willow could make Cosette happy beyond belief, and just hearing that she had looked forward to this as well and that being with Cosette was fun made Cosette let out a small happy giggle, which she stifled quickly.
"Ah, I haven't eaten yet. But we can go have proper lunch bit later, if that's okay with you. I'm just eager to start shopping for gifts."
Cosette had been able to speak her own opinion more and more lately, less so with other people. But with Willow it was easier because Cosette knew the woman wouldn't judge her.
Cosette wanted to refuse Willow treating her, but she also wanted to spare her funds, Ulric wouldn't be pleased if Cosette used money on something like hot chocolate. So she smiled up at Willow gratefully.
"Thank you, I appreciate it."

Cosette ordered a normal hot chocolate with some marshmellows, and kept her coat on for a moment longer so the chills would die down some more. She listened to Willow talk about work, and there was still concern in her eyes. Cosette reached out and briefly brushed her fingertips against Willow's cheek, looking for dark circles under her eyes. The way Willow showed physical affection constantly was rubbing off on Cosette and only after the fact she realized what she had done and blushed, looking down on the counter.
"I think your work is wonderful, I just, um, hope you don't forget yourself."

Cosette tried not to flinch, when Willow mentioned her work. Cosette didn't like thinking or speaking about...that life when it was Thursday and for a short moment she was free. But Willow asked, and Cosette smiled up at her. But Willow knew Cosette well enough to notice it wasn't a true smile.
"It's treating me as well as it can, thank you for asking."

In Willow's arms Cosette felt like she could forget all her hardships, and as she was pulled into an embrace Cosette, after slight surprise, pressed her face against Willow's chest and closed her eyes. Her hands rose up and grabbed a hold of the hem of Willow's shirt, squeezing it weakly.
"I'll be okay, I'm not that cold anymore."
Cosette said gently, partly mumbling against Willow's chest.
"I just dressed too lightly, I didn't think it would be this cold."

Willow letting go and stepping away felt like someone pulling the covers off of you in the morning. It felt cold and lonely and like you wanted to roll into a ball and never get up. But Cosette wasn't a child who started sulking or complaining, she merely let go and followed Willow, holding her own drink in both hands, enjoying the warmth. As they sat down Cosette finally took off her jacket, under it she was wearing a thin, oversized black knitted sweater that left her other shoulder bare.

Cosette looked at the hand Willow was offering, and with slight blush she hesitantly reached out her own hand and carefully put it in Willow's, white against blue. Willow would notice Cosette had cold hands and fingers, she didn't own gloves.
The reminder Willow gave Cosette every time they met made her heart ache, she was sad she couldn't give Willow any reassurance, or rely on her kindness. And that sadness showed briefly in her expression before Cosette smiled and nodded at Willow, giving her hand a weak squeeze.

"Favourite store?"
That was a tough one, Cosette hadn't really went into the stores the really wanted to visit because she couldn't buy anything in them. But when Willow mentioned it could be a shop she just liked to look in to Cosette had an idea.
"There is this charming little antique shop near the library, I have never gone in but it looks nice."
Cosette chuckled a bit, and tried to sip her hot chocolate only to get her tongue burned a bit. She set the drink down and looked at Willow with curiosity.
"How about your favourite shop? Oh, and what would you like as a Christmas present?"
Cosette wasn't aware, that you were supposed to keep presents a secret, so she went ahead and asked.

Cosette was aware that her sweater wasn't exactly appropriate for this season, and the way Willow furrowed her brow confirmed it, despite the fact that the woman called Cosette cute. Cosette smiled at her shyly and lifted the other side a bit in an attempt to cover her shoulder, but it fell back down.

"I'm as curious as you, I haven't actually been in ever. It's a block from the library, in a small corner by a Greek restaurant. I always walk past it on...on my way back."
Cosette explained, hesitating a bit at one point. She didn't want to say the name of that place on her day off.
Cosette nudged her cup over to Willow and exhaled a bit, the tip of her tongue burning and tingling.
"Thank you. I don't usually drink hot drinks, I always forget they're, well, hot."
Cosette explained, little embarrassed, and chuckled a bit as she took her cup back.

Cosette was blowing down on her drink and attempting to drink a bit again when Willow was looking confused, so she missed it. When Cosette looked back up, sipping her drink carefully, Willow was looking in turn at her cup in thought and missed Cosette burning her tongue a bit again. So Cosette gave up and just set her cup on the table, chewing on a marshmellow. It was soft and sweet, she really liked it.
"I have never really visited local boutiques, but now I'd love to, if you can show me. I'm not so brave to go and visit one on my own."
Cosette said with a slight apologetic smile, she wasn't as curious as Willow but if Willow would know and show a place to Cosette she wanted to see it too.

Something...that made Cosette think of Willow? That was a surprisingly hard request, many things made Cosette think of Willow. Anything blue or tall or both, things that were bright or shiny, things that comforted Cosette. Many many things.
"I'll, um, try my best."
Cosette answered, blushing and looking down at her cup, turning it in her hand.

"Oh, you'll think it's silly."
Cosette said bit bashfully, and let out a small nervous chuckle.
"I like...small decorated teacups and bowls, and lace, and small paintings the size of a postcard in large pretty frames."
Cosette's voice turned but muttery at the end, Ulric had called her taste the taste of a grandma and Cosette was self-conscious about it.