Private Finished back where we began

Hal bit his tongue. He hadn't wanted to say all those but it all just tumbled out in a rush. He hadn't wanted to admit all of it, not to anyone but some part of him just said this is Claire and she has to know everything. And yet the other part that told him not to speak a soul chided him as Claire spoke again. Her words were true, and that was the part that hurt the most. He ran away like a coward just because he couldn't handle the pressure.

"I know that," he said weakly. "I know it was stupid. And utterly childish. But until I managed to piece it together, I didn't know how I could face you without crying every single time because I couldn't handle myself." His voice grew stronger as he continued to speak, but he still avoided looking up to meet her gaze. "I'm done, okay? I'm done crying about it. It was stupid in the first place. I could have asked for help but I didn't because like you said, I'm an asshole and decided to cut-off everyone instead." There was a pause when his voice grew quiet again, but he managed to keep it from sounding weak.

"I... If you don't want me back then... that's fine," No, it isn't. "I mean, you obviously don't need some drama from someone like me." I just want you to stay. I'll go do my own thing and not be a bother to you if you need it. I don't want you to leave me.

When he'd heard the saying that "the truth hurts" he didn't know the depth of it then. But now he could feel the weight of it and how much of a slap in the face it was for him. It stung like hell. He was weak, sure, that was no news to him, but with how this conversation was turning out, it was like reality decided they should shove that in his face.

He prepared for the worst. Rejection, maybe even worse. Was there anything worse? Abandonment, maybe. Claire was the closest person he could ever really have since he started living here and now that he was in a better state of mind, he knew he didn't really want to lose her. His head hung low, eyes cast down that he barely registered Claire stepping closer. Her words didn't seem to sink in, not until she felt her grip. It was like his body fell a little limp and he fell into the hug, the sparks fading away with the last of his anger. It left a weak hum in his system but the electricity he felt earlier wasn't any more than just emotions now.

I was worried, she told him and if by some miracle, Hal managed not to cry right then and there. He blinked away the tears that threatened to come, "I'm sorry," he whispered, so quietly that it was only the two of them that could hear it. "I'm sorry," he repeated, "I should have said something before doing something like that."

If the hug wasn't enough, hearing Claire giggle seemed to move him further into tearing up. It didn't sound like she was mocking him, it didn't sound bitter, not at all. Her laugh sounded genuine — relieved even — that he finally lowered his god-damned pride. You're so stupid, blushie, she told him. He felt the sting in his eyes. He missed her teasing him with that nickname, smiling a little from the nostalgia. "I know... I know..." he whispered, his voice cracking just a little as he still tried to keep his tears from blurring his sight.

He didn't want to cry — of course not. He'd just told her he was done with all the crying. But just hearing Claire, just genuinely worried for his safety brought a new wave of emotions for him to cry for. His weeps had no sound to them, and there were no tears--he still held them back, but the trembling from his shoulders was a tell-tale sign that he was already there. Hal just clung to her, hugging her back just to make sure she was still there. To assure here that he was there, too, "I'm... I'm fine. I'm not... I'm not gone, okay?"

Hal's grip had loosened by the time she pulled away, just enough that they could see each other. Except he couldn't quite look back into her eyes. He could probably blame it on the fact that he couldn't at that moment, not after all that he said. Not after he'd let her see though him completely. There was a lingering fear that he didn't know where it come from.

He wasn't sure how but he it was almost like he felt it coming. The next words Claire spoke stirred an unpleasant feeling in his gut. Hal always thought himself to be bad at picking up hints but this time he was sure of this. He remembered that time. He wanted to say something but couldn't. He was scared too, but it was because he didn't want to ruin anything they already had. Apparently he didn't need to say anything at all.

"Do you want to say friends?" she asked; it should have been such a simple thing to ask but the things behind it felt heavy for him to bear. Hal could feel the bile just sort of building up in his chest but he fought to keep it down. He couldn't afford to break again. Withdrawing his arms back to himself, he cracked a smile, though it never quite reached his eyes. "You've always been a friend to me, Claire," he told her, "We can always stay friends, as long as it's okay with you, too."

It was a relief for Hal to see her smile at him like that again; he wouldn't say that she'd could have completely forgiven him but it was better than earlier. The sudden contact gave him a start, hand flying to touch where Claire had left a chaste peck on his forehead. Hal wouldn't deny for himself that it made him feel a little lonely, but he wouldn't admit it carelessly.

He was a mix of feelings at that moment, tiny sparks reappearing around at the crown of his head. They were much fainter at least--not that he would notice very much. He kept the smile on his face, but he knew he was feeling a little weak. "It's great to hear you've been doing so well. I'm really happy for you," he managed to say without stammering. Hal told himself he should have seen it coming but all the while, he couldn't shake off how much it stung. It stung like hell. He could accept the friendship for all that really mattered but it was a little harder to swallow that so much had happened in the time they'd been apart.

In spite of his inner turmoil, Hal managed to find the heart to smile a little bit more. "Never really had a big sister to make a comparison but I guess I could work with that," he jested. "You... wouldn't mind if I start going back here in the forest more often, do you?"