Private Ava's Kick-Ass Calendar & Other Assorted Thoughts

Tuesday, April 21st
Finally decided to start writing this, it's 'bout time. It's pretty hypocritical to encourage my club members to keep a journal about their growth and stuff and not have one for myself. I'm not really a journal-kinda person but I fucking refuse to be a hypocrite.
Today I fought Zephri, that punk gave me a fucking concussion. At least I gave him some good burns in return. I'm at the hospital now and I'm bored, so I decided to write this to kill time.

Things to improve: Learn how to deal with fast opponents better. Brute strength doesn't always help. Be clever, read his movements. Don't strike where he is, strike where he will be. Remember in the future.

Things that went well: I used my lava and volcanic rock abilities creatively. Reacted quickly despite facing a new opponent. Got decisive blows in.

Concussions fucking suck ass and I'm so gonna kick Zephri's ass...

Thursday, April 23rd
Zephri was at the club meeting officially today, I'm glad he decided to join my losers. We've got 4 dragons now, it's great to have sparring partners that I can go all out towards. There's Destra but even if I go all-out I lose so it's frustrating. At least I can kick these guys' asses.
Speaking of Destra, looks like he'll be joining too, but as our treasurer. Something about wanting to practice managing finances for his business classes, which is lame. I'll just call him our babysitter since he is also Zephri's "boss" lol

Kalvin needs to still learn how to stop being readable, I'm trying to make him loosen up though. Seyyal and Maddie trained with swords today, it looks cool when I'm watching but it sucks I can't actually provide any good critique. I should probably study swordsmanship...
Alby is really good at analyzing powers, I got to see his journal sometime. I wanna see what he thinks about the abilities of my losers.

Today I fell for a really predictable feint from Eein and I'm so pissed. I made Titus let me throw blows at him after school, I think I'm starting to maybe hurt him. Maybe, just a tiny bit.

Sunday, April 26th
I BEAT ZEPHRI, FUCK FUCKING YES, IN YOUR FACE YOU PUNK!

Friday, May 1st
Okay, this log isn't, like, about training or anything but I forgot to write stuff down this week and I think this journal thing is helping me sort my thoughts. It's near midnight now and I can't sleep, so Imma write a bit.

So today was the Lilac dance and honestly I wasn't into it, too much noise and smells and people and yeah I like talking and being social and stuff but not when, like, dozens of other people are doing it around me at the same time.

So I was just chilling outside eating the free food and Wynne comes out, right? I'm thinking he just wants to hang out 'cos I'm all alone, he's weird like that. Said he doesn't want his friend to not have fun.

So we chat about the dance, I mention I can't dance those fancy-ass dances. He offers to teach me and I laugh my ass off 'cos dude, why? He seemed to kinda bristle at that, and I felt bad. I dunno why. But then he riled me up and I hate being predictable but that got me to agree to learn. I just wanted to become good super fast and wipe that smug look off his face.

So we got into the position, right? Real close, it was weird. Made me feel weird. Then when we started moving I forgot about it, 'cos we were moving, I concentrated on that. I get few good stomps on his feet for shits and giggles, but then he did this weird tilting thing. It surprised me and I got even closer 'cos I grabbed onto him. That made me feel weird again, I have no idea why. It's just Wynne, just one of my losers and friends. I think it was 'cos I ate too much and then danced right after, my stomach was churning weirdly 'cos of that.

Monday, May 4th
Wynne got himself mixed in with this angel kid Remiel, and Remiel got himself beef with a bunch of people, or so I've heard. So Dalia kicked his ass today. Or more like kicked his face. But that's not really what I wanna concentrate on.

I'm a huge fucking idiot. Seriously, I don't know what's up with me. I snapped at Wynne, like, bad, and I even heated up. I thought I'd gotten better at controlling that but something about how Wynne described Dalia and what he said about himself and stuff and...I just don't get it. My head's a mess, I can't sleep. If the house wasn't fireproof I would've burned the place down. I don't wanna talk to Titus about this, I don't even get it. What's wrong with me, seriously? I don't get it!

Thursday, May 7th
Tuesday and today were so fucking awkward. I don't know how to handle shit like this, I couldn't concentrate on the club activities and that's not good. I'm the leader, I should be on top of everything and make sure the activities are productive. But I was too focused on trying not to look Wynne in the eyes. How am I supposed to even talk to him? It's such a fucking pain, I'm a fucking pain.
I think I need to ask Titus to let me throw blows at him today, I feel worked up.

Friday, May 8th
I mean, I guess it's good like this? Everything's more or less cool now. Wynne ambushed me when I was running and we talked. We didn't figure out what the fuck is wrong with me, but the fight's done. So that's good, though it still pisses me off that I dunno why I feel like I feel around him. Still gotta figure that shit out.
I'm pissed off I let Wynne win the race we had, but I'm gonna mess with his hair anyway. Little punk deserves it for doing that tilting thingy again, and being so damn, I dunno, carefree. Sometimes his chill attitude pisses me off. When I saw him really pissed off before it felt nice. Like, it made my stomach feel weird again, but it was nice to see that he could get shaken like that too. Kinda felt like we were closer, and we have a common secret. Feels kinda good.
Okay, I need to seriously figure this shit out, I'm starting to gross myself out.

((The whole text is written shakily, as if the writer's hands were shaking the whole time))

Saturday, May 9th
So I was just minding my own business, running near the coast, right? And then suddenly the smell of sea gets a lot vaguer and I see that the whole damn ocean has retreated. Not that I'm complaining, ocean is freaky, but we do kinda need it? And people are gathered 'round, right? There's Ysolda and Wynne and Chloe and that angel punk, and there's this weird chick who wants us to fight her king. Ysolda caught me up, apparently that king really hated people with no gills. So I obviously can't just leave, and we leave and go to this giant castle straight outta the little mermaid. Made out of coral and everything. And it's inside a giant bubble of water.
Okay, so, deep water and ocean freaks me out. I admit that. And now I had to go fucking inside it. Inside deep water. I fucking hated it. It wasn't that bad 'cos I could breathe and move more properly and shit but it was still water. I hated it. I was barely keeping it together.

So we get inside, get past these guards, the other one was cool and the other one was kinda a prude. We try to move quietly through the place, but the others just wouldn't shut the fuck up. First rule of infiltration is that you shut the fuck up. And there was this stupid kid that just kept blurting stupid shit and because of him we ended up fighting a bunch of guards. We beat them, obviously, though I lost control for a moment 'cos duh, I'm underwater, my mind is kinda somewhere else, and accidentally made Ysolda almost faint. That was shitty of me.

So the weird chick says that his king lost a wife and a kid to oil, and that's seriously fucked up. I don't like ocean but there's a bunch of life and animals in there and I like those. I get why the guy was angry, I would've been too. And anger makes people stupid.
We get to the king, he looks ridiculous. A round blue guy with bulgy eyes and giant lips. He is really angry, and we choose Ysolda to speak for us. She's good at the diplomacy thing, I suck at it. It goes okay, and then the king gets kinda worked up and this giant eel comes in. The king calls himself its daddy and seriously, I almost lost it. Like, this giant eel comes up, it sniffs and even licks us, his name was Kimwa. He was the only good thing about this whole shitty adventure.

Anyway, island is safe, and I seriously can't write anymore, I feel like I can't breathe. I need to lay down...

((A portion is written below the main entry, even more shaky, few drops of water are on the page around it))

Ysolda lost an eye. A fucking eye. It's my fault, 'cos I fucked up and heated up the water, she wasn't at full strength. It's all my fucking fault, fuck. I'm so fucking weak. My head hurts so much, everything hurts. It wasn't supposed to be like this, shit

Monday, May 11th
I can't say that it's all okay now, but at least I feel better. I talked to Ysolda, she's not gonna get the eye healed. And I get why, I do, seriously. I just hope I'm gonna get used to the sight of it soon, I don't wanna be an asshole and just stare at her eye every time we meet.
Titus and Orsick were cool 'bout my breakdown, I've been thinking about it for a while now but they really are like my new family. It's just so fucking embarrassing to admit it. It's easier like this on paper, I guess.

I really miss mom, it's 'cos of what happened and 'cos yesterday was mother's day. I kinda wanted to go to Canada and leave flowers on the cliff where we spread mom's ashes, but this whole thing went down. So while old man and Orsick and me went to our walk I just left some red spider lilies on my favourite place in the woods, on the old stump by the stream. They were mom's favourite flower, she always said she loved how they looked threatening but beautiful at the same time. I thought it was weird but I think I kinda get it now.

I gotta talk to Wynne, he seemed kinda shaken up too. Or at least I think he did, I was kinda out of it after the whole thing.

Tuesday, May 12th
I talked to Wynne. Like, reeeeeeally talked to him. I don't think I've ever talked so much in my fucking life, it was honestly like an out-of-body experience, like something else was making me talk about all that stuff. About duties and being born to do something and shit. All the stuff that's been swirling in my head.
But...now part of the confusion I had is gone. So I'm glad I said all that stuff. And more importantly it helped Wynne. He said thanks, that he appreciated it. I've never felt more satisfied and happy, this shit is weird.
My shoulder and cheek itch where Wynne leaned on me and where I leaned on him. My heart's beating really loudly and he's not even here. I seriously don't get what the fuck I'm supposed to do about this...