Anchors Make Good Shoes

Loch's face was surprisingly blank while she talked, though he nodded here and there to indicate that he was still listening. He was looking over at the pacific, picking at his bottom lip.

"So… that brings me to the real reason for wanting to talk to you. You already knew about my… feeding thing. Kind of. And I don’t like letting a lot of people know that I can do that. Or that I need to do it. But I still need to do it."

If she was watching closely, she'd catch something in Lochlann's eyes shift when she said this, and his other hand balled into a fist before relaxing. It wasn't an aggressive reaction, more like the way a person flinches when nervous.

He could easily be saying the exact same words to her, right now, talking to her about how he needed women, that flirting and touching wasn't something he even wanted to do, but it was something he had to do. He'd tried to keep to himself, to lock himself in his room, to ignore the hunger that stirred and clawed at him from the inside out. About how embarrassed he was. That he was ashamed for what he was.

“Would you let me do that to you, every once in a while?”

And now, if he was understanding everything correctly, she'd just answered his prayers with a silver platter.

So why couldn't he just say yes?

"I don't drink because I'm stupid," Lochlann said. Now he shifted uncomfortably, like he was picking at a cut that hadn't quite scabbed over yet. "I drink because it makes me stupid. I'm not a threat when I'm making mistakes, or when I'm too drunk to get out of bed. It takes the edge off, too, makes me less hungry. Until...that night, I hadn't hurt anyone when I was drinking."

His voice wavered for a moment and he angled his head to catch her eye for a moment but looked away at the last minute. "I'm telling you this because I haven't told anyone else this, though the staff knows. I want you to know what you're offering me before you make a decision."

Why couldn't he just come out and say it? Chloe, I kill and eat women. Six simple words and she'd know everything she needed to know about him. He was a monster. He wasn't the only person at the school with a record, and there were students with records that made his look like an expired parking ticket in comparison.

But it was because the women he'd killed mattered to him, and Lochlann couldn't accept the fact that he had done it to them.

He gave a nervous laugh that, under the right circumstances, might have sounded like a horse's whinny. "I'm having an existential crisis of sorts here, I'm sorry I haven't answered your question. But Chloe, I want you to know that I have literally killed to feel what you made me feel. Tell me what you'd need me to do."

Something about the way she shifted told Loch she was uncomfortable, but she didn't get up and run away, which was a better reaction that Lochlann really expected.

“I… guess you would need to promise to not kill me. For starters. That sounds like a… a pretty good ground rule, huh? ....I mean, it wouldn’t make any sense for you to kill me, if… if that’s… true.”

Now Lochlann shifted again, digging his heels into the sand and clutching one wrist with his other hand. He'd spent the last year at this school trying to keep this a secret and he'd just told her everything in a matter of minutes.

"I can't promise that,"Lochlann said. "I can promise that I don't want to hurt you and that I will do every single thing I can to stop myself. It's never been something I want to do. And it's been a long time since it happened."

“Aside from that, it’s just… skin contact. That’s all I’d need to feed on you.”

"How often?" Loch asked. "And what happens when you do?"

He remembered passing out afterwards but he wasn't sure how much of that was the alcohol.

“I… appreciate your honesty,” Chloe said slowly.

Loch just shrugged. He didn't know what else to do. It was his fault she was stuck here, and he wasn't about to let her put herself in danger without warning her.

“I only need it once a week, or so. It’s pretty straightforward. When I drain your strength, I get super strong and you get super weak. It only lasts for a little while, though. And it makes us both, feel… uh,....Like… a first kiss on steroids. Basically. Or, at least, that’s what I feel.”

There was a part of Loch that wanted to pretend that he didn't need exactly what she was offering, that he could just shrug it off and tell her that he was going to help her just for her, not for him. But the truth was that Lochlann's heart was starting to beat a little faster.

Lochlann would never come out and say, I'm an addict, because he didn't believe it. But it was true that plenty of other Cabyll-Ushtey managed to live a normal life without eating people. But Lochlann was literally addicted to women, and Chloe was offering him a high without any side effects.

“Now that I think about it… I think my power has a built in you-not-killing-me mechanism. Because of the strength draining part. Unless…” …Um..How do you tend to kill people? So I’d know what to look out for.”

"I was thinking the same thing," Loch admitted. This time he did flop back down onto his back, looking up at the sky. He was tired and the warm sand felt good on his aching bones.

Again, he didn't look at her while he talked, and there was a disconnect in his voice that betrayed how uncomfortable he was, but he'd already told her so much. "I'm a Cabyll-Ushtey, Glashtyn, a neck, a bakahast, a kelpie. Call it what you'd like. I'm not human. I'm a water horse. This shape, this guise, it's only supposed to be temporary," he waved a hand down his body. He spoke the last few words as if he was repeating something that had been told to him over and over again, something that he had to believe, but didn't want to. "But the world has changed, and the bottom of a lake isn't as hidden as it used to be, so we have to adapt, or something."

He sighed, scooping up a handful of sand in his fingers. "Have you ever been so hungry you thought you would die if you didn't at something?"

He looked at her now, but his eyes were vacant. "That's how it starts. Nothing quite satisfies it, either, and the more you try to forget how hungry you are, the worse it gets."

He was quiet for a long time now, looking back up at the sky. "I drown people. I fall in love with them, and then I drowned them. Every single person I've ever loved has died."

He was surprised the last bit slipped out, so he immedietly continued. "Can you do this to me at night?" Lochlann asked. "Inside, or someplace away from water. and I can...I can give you something, too, something to help. I'm allergic to Iron."

“I… can’t say I’ve been that hungry for food. But…”

Loch caught her glance between him, the ocean, and back. He waved a hand towards her, as if he could dismiss the thought.

"I'm fine, right now," Loch said. "The first time I was here, on the beach like this, I got stuck in a shack with a girl during a rainstorm and I was starving. She's okay, though. She tries to kill me from time to time, but I don't think she'll be a problem."

“Inside, at night. Good ideas.I was thinking the same thing. Although...Does it have to be cold iron? Or will any iron do? I… heard a thing, once.”

Loch stared up at her, puzzled. "That's a good question. I really don't know. I have um, something in my room, that's iron, if things get out of hand. It's in my nightstand drawer, it's easy to find, you'll know it when you see it. 44B. I don't have a roommate, door is never locked."

He rolled onto his side, propping his head up on one hand. "One last question," Lochlann asked. "How do you feel about pizza?"

“She tries to kill you from time to time,” Chloe repeated.

Loch nodded.

"I think she wants me," he admitted. "It's complicated."

A cloud past its way over the sky and with it came a breeze that was enough to rake up goosebumps. Though it was warm on the beach, that was fleeting with the winter, and he figured he should probably get inside. He reached above him to turn the radio off without getting up.

“…I’m okay with pizza..I’d prefer just cheese, but I could deal with one or two toppings, I guess.

"I feel like shit that you're here," Lochlann said, sitting up. "And since it sounds like you're stuck, I might as well show you were the best pizza is on this dog forsaken island. I'll buy you lunch one day. Just say the word and I shall deliver."

He pulled himself up to his feet, brushing the sand off the jeans. He tucked the radio under one arm and offered her a hand, unsure if she planned on sitting or wanted to continue her run.

Do you want to do this tonight? Or...?”

Lochlann shifted to his other foot, biting the inside of his cheek. It was one thing to plan it, but another thing to set a date. He found himself getting a little nervous, but he squashed down the feeling. This was going to be a good thing. What could possibly go wrong?

"Surprise me."