All's fair in love and horses (open)

"Whoop!" The Sin called out, catching the juice tossed to him, and snatched up the other kid's uncaught juice box. More cheap, pure sugar beverages for him. This kid didn't realize how good he had it, sitting around eating Macaroni and cheese with a fridge full of juice boxes and watching Portuguese Inuyasha.

Kids these days.

"Hey, bro, who's your Inuyasha waifu?"

Wrath laughed at that and pointed to the screen. "Man, you best be getting off my dick. Naraku is best waifu."

He looked over to the kid and nudged his arm, waiting for him to respond with some kind of confirmation that Naraku was very clearly best husbando no matter what anyone said. Apparently though the kid was too busy being scarred for life at the fact that two people were in his house talking about anime and stealing his cheap juice.

Actually, looking at the kid, he really was pretty tiny. Couldn't have been older than maybe five. "Dude," He said, looking straight at Joker. "This kid is like. A baby. Who leaves babies alone in apartments?"

Wrath was quiet as he looked down at the kid again.

"Man, this kid's baby sitter should be sued or something."

Wrath punctured the juice box he'd been given and gave it a long slurp. Aw yeah, that was the stuff. It even had the gall to call itself '99% real fruit juice'. Though, he supposed even if that 99% was mercilessly sweetened with sugar they could still credibly claim it as being 99%.

Fucking capitalism man. Big business is exactly what's wrong with this fucking world.

"Yeah, you right. Look, if Sesshomaru was real I'd be down for some horizontal mambo." No lie man. Sesshomaru was great. Hot as hell. Demons are the best at sex, well known fact.

"I think this kid is dealing with some Home Alone biz. Like, what if people break in besides us? We gotta keep this kid safe, man."

The sin finished his juice box and left it on the floor. "You're right dude. Let's keep this kid safe."

He marched with Sour Cream to the smaller of the two bedrooms in the apartment. Thankfully it was not the one that they initially rolled out onto. This one had a great view of a hobo pit. "What a classy place." He remarked.

"Okay, so we gotta set up some hot wheels, a system of pulleys... and a bucket of lead based paint."

Wrath took the wheels and started to set them up carefully to insure maximum amounts of shit was eventually eaten by whoever dared to enter this apartment and steal things and potentially hurt this innocent little fleshy human. Carefully he slid the last toy car into place and turned to Joker.

After being given his orders, he saluted. "Alright Sour Cream! Whatever you say!"

The Sin turned to fetch a bucket and fill it up with whatever grossness he could find, almost immediately stepping on at least three hot-wheels and eating a literal metric ton of shit on the kid's bedroom floor.

Silence for a beat.

"Well, at least it works."

Hopping onto his feet and kicking aside all the hot-wheels for a moment, he went into the kitchen, opening every door until he found a small closet that held towels and cleaning supplies. He grabbed the bucket--a plastic one, not a metal one from the old sitcoms--and walked to the kitchen. He threw open the fridge first.

"Hmm... some milk... pasta sauce... old noodles... what is this, ham?" He ate that himself. "Oatmeal... expired cream cheese? Yuck." That was definitely going in. He added a few more random things from the fridge and tossed in some cleaning supplies for good measure. He gave the bucket a deep whiff.

And then he coughed.

"Shit man!" He said, walking into the kid's room, very pointedly avoiding the remaining hot-wheels. "Smell this! It's bracing yo. Puts hair on your chest. Makes your balls drop."

Wrath watched as Joker took the bucket from him and set it up over the kid's doorway as the kid lay in bed, watching them with wide terrified eyes. Man, kids today just didn't know the value of the help of a stranger. Really, someone needed to teach this kid some manners. Or something like that, was being thankful for the life-saving services of a couple of wondering humanitarians like the two of them warranting of a thank you?

He thought so.

The Sin accepted the fist bump, solidly connecting their knuckles before finding the front door of this apartment. Since the fire escape wasn't going to work, they would have to exit the old fashioned and lame way. He opened the door for Sour Cream and his wooden bride to be. "Speaking of blowing Popsicle stands, do you think we could stop for ice cream or something I'm getting hungry again yo."

It wasn't true that he was getting hungry. It was more like he just was starting to miss the weird sensation of tossing food into his empty mass.

When he stepped out onto the landing he didn't expect to see so many stairs.

"...Man, this building sucks."

The Sin grinned. The idea of ice-cream after a day of being very good people, helping horses escape horse slavery, dodging the police, breaking into someone's apartment, protecting the innocence of a small child who had been left alone in a house with no parental guidance... it was lucky that he and Sour Cream were there to save the day.

Going down the steps was the lamest thing they've done all day. It was just them clopping down the steps, frightening the people who lived here because Joker was carrying a wooden horse and also because Wrath made horrifying faces at them by stretching his cheeks and parts of his face. He made an old man faint from terror. Hahaha, fantastic. Sometimes you just have to make your own fun.

When they finally stepped out, there were in the hobo pit Wrath had seen from the kid's bedroom. He wondered if the kid was alright. Being locked in a room with a smell as bracing as that... man, that kid was gonna come out with so much hair on his chest he's basically a lumberjack.

Tiny lumberjack.

Hah!

Wrath stared at the hobos, just sitting around their oil-drum fires. Smelling bad.

"Dude," He said, not taking his eyes off of them. "I. Am going. To fight. All of these hobos."