All's fair in love and horses (open)

"Fuck that noise, man! The long schlong of justice ain't going to fuck me without my consent!"

"Iunno man," he said, looking over his shoulder back the way he came, very clearly seeing an intense amount of chaos in the amusement park. He wasn't sure if Greed would be proud, annoyed, or angry. "The schlong of justice doesn't usually ask for consent."

Probably the last two considering the amount of property damage this would count as.

Most of that wasn't even my fault! Thanks Sour Cream.

"Follow me!"

And follow he did, keeping close on the heels of the now masked mechanical horse amusement part bandito. There was very little about this venture that had gone right, now that Micah could spare a few adrenaline filled brain cells to think about that. The security had seen him escape with the horse, he wanted some more corndogs, and the cops immediately recognized sour cream with no hesitation.

He told him. Didn't he say it? He'd said it.

Still, Wrath watched, dumbfounded as he commandeered a doughnut bike (hopefully with some more donuts in there) and stuffed the horse into the side car.

"YAHOO! Now you're speaking my language Sour Cream! This is the only ride I'm into!"

With that he jumped on the back of the bike grabbed bike with his hands, feeling its mighty thrum, and he couldn't wait to see how wild this doughnut mobile could go. "RUN OVER THE COPS! THEY'RE OBSTRUCTING LOVE!"

Aw yeah! Wrath had seen enough shitty 90s era cheap chase scenes to know where this was going! The two heroes make a totally sweet getaway dripping in plausible deniability and a guy who has to have a demolition license to let out all the explosions and burning buildings and probably dead people from the first two things. But when he brought those things up Sloth just very calmly put a hand on his leg. His big eyes whispered a soft "nah". Somehow after that he felt ashamed of himself.

But, as Wrath quickly learned, the world was not as full of sick jumps and explosions as the shitty 90s era chase music would have you believe. No, the world was an unfair place, where physics and weight and air resistance were all things that were real and made chase scenes shitty and bad. First of all the motorcycle was made to deliver donuts not badasses, so it was shitty and it putted and once it started moving the thrum was so unbearable it made his crotch really, really hurt. Secondly Sour Cream's bride to be needed to lay off the Amusement Park Funnel Cake or something because her weight was really dragging down their awesome getaway with her stupid fat ass.

Fucking aquatic horses taking all the jobs from the honest land citizens.

The part where they had to drive through a crowd was fun. Except for the part where Sour Cream seemed to be avoiding running over civilians. Come on man this was getaway 101, you drive rampantly through the crowds with no regard to who you kill!

He wanted to say that.

But he was too preoccupied with the fact that they were apparently fucking flying.

"AW SHIT!" Wrath wooped as their doughnut mobile flew with the grace of a fucking Albatross. "WE'RE ET-ING THIS SHIT NOW!"

...they immediately crashed into the concrete roof of one of downtown Manta Carlos' many buildings.

Wrath was laying on his back with weight on a doughnut motorcycle on his chest. Being only physical in the most liberal sense of the word, despite the fact that it hurt, he wasn't really damaged in any intense way. Which was good--it would be a pain to have to explain all of this to Greed.

That being said Greed probably knew what he'd just spent the last hour doing and was probably rubbing his forehead and breaking into his special cask of expensive Brandy to drink away the memories.

The idea brought a smile to his face.

Wrath picked up the motorcycle and tossed it off his body, walking over to Sour Cream to see how he was holding up.

"Hey. Sour Cream." He nudged him with his foot. "Ya okay? Ya dead?"

He slid his foot under Joker's lowest rib and kicked him onto his back. "If your dead can I have Nessie?"

"Probably all the humans who start putting caps in their own craniums if they don't get enough of it." Wrath responded, a little upset that he couldn't keep Nessie. As far as he was concerned he put a lot of effort into this breakout, including being the one to physically break her out. So, as far as he was concerned that entitled him to like. Half the horse. Besides, Sour Cream was just going to have sex with it anyway, he didn't need a whole horse for that.

People have made due with horse giblets since the beginning of time.

Wrath watched as the cops drove off in the completely wrong direction. Stupid idiot cops, never did anything right anyways. Still, might as well celebrate a job well done.

Or, completed.

Nah fuck that, that was masterfully executed, Napoleon himself couldn't have executed a better plan, and he would know. Napoleon was a little bitch compared to true Humanit--Er, Arboreal Aquatic Equine-itarians--like themselves. The Sin dropped to his ass and picked up a doughnut that was a little burnt from the fire and flicked it into his own mouth. Tasted like burning and motor oil. Fantastic.

"Aw come on man, don't start slappin' ass in front of me. I am an impressionable young child in the prime of my youth." He said, turning his eyes away from the scandalous sight. At least they weren't furiously making out. As if you could furiously make out with a wooden horse. Or, he supposed you could, but it would result in a mouthful of splinters.

He got the distinct impression that the dude would do it anyway.

"Any plans to get off the building, Sour Cream?" A pause. "Wait! I have an idea. All we need is a stable internet connection, 16,000 US dollars worth of Mexican Black Tar Heroin, two blocks of cream cheese, and enough dynamite to fill a 2006 Honda Civic. Do you have an aversion to pepper spray?"

Ohhh, Wrath already knew more than he'd liked to know about the birds and the bees. Living in the house he did, with his room placed between Greed and Pride's shared bedroom and his brother, the incarnation of Lust's bedroom meant that he knew more about the birds and the bees than he would ever, ever want to know in any lifetime or equivalent.

To make matters worse, Wrath never functionally slept--he just kinda entered a state of low energy stasis every three days, and sometimes Greed would be a total ass and lock him in his room because he'd gotten a little too rowdy and he'd be forced, forced to sit in his room wide awake all night trying to play Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles while his brother's headboard banged against his wall with such insistence that he was sure that him and his """""friend""""" were asking for entrance through his motherfucking wall.

And he didn't even wanna think about Pride and Greed--their horizontal mambo basically made his body, and he now wanted to murder the two braincells that rubbed together to give him that mental image.

A shudder.

He was never having kids.

"Yeahhh, I don't think Amazon's going to get here on time with all those orders, son. We should, uh..."

"Well, we can substitute the heroin for opiods if you have any on you," He said, really trying to be helpful here, but Sour Cream reall wasn't giving him much to work with, not even letting him get through the list of things he needed for the plan to work before dimissing it as something they couldn't even try. It sucked being in a body this young.

Wrath followed his comerade's line of sight to the adjacent buildings. It was an apartment complex. The Sin wasn't super sure of Joker's plans, but the guy was batting three for three on the list of fun ideas, so he was inclined to trust him either way. However this ended up, he was sure it would be great.

Once Joker had tossed Nessie across--he was shocked she didn't just break apart into rotted wooden splinters--and got himself across, Wrath rotated his arm in his shoulder before throwing it across the five foot gap and gripping the lip of the building.

The teen's arm was now about five feet long, bridging the gap between the two buildings. His arm started to shorten, dragging the Sin bodily across the gap and allowing him to land just on the lip of the building, trotting over to Sour Cream.

"Phase One complete captain."

Once he was stable on the building, he walked over to Sour Cream.

Almost as soon as he was close enough, he felt an arm around his neck, as the other guy pulled him close enough that they were side to side, and he could feel his higher than normal body heat.

Actually, he could also hear a faint whirring sound coming from the guy. Was that normal? No, nope, that definitely didn't seem like it was normal. Then again, he didn't know a whole lot about humans, so maybe it was totally normal for people to just whir if they were too warm. Made sense. Why would they design computers to do that if they didn't?

Seeing the phone, Wrath brought up both of his hands, extending the first and pinky fingers on both hands and smiling his biggest, toothiest smile. His eyes squinted hard enough that he couldn't see.

Ugh.

He was such an ugly picture taker.

If he didn't want to preserve this event for posterity he would destroy the dude's phone for even having such a terrible picture of him.

"Oh, yeah, you should send me that," he said, fishing around his pockets for his phone. He didn't have it. Well, of course not. If Greed wanted him he could just summon him.

Oh well.

Wrath moved over to the lip of the building, watching as Sour Cream just tossed Nessie onto the metallic platform below, which made a loud clang and shook with the effort and the sudden impact. Man, the lack of care this guy was showing the thing that they had gone through all that trouble to steal liberate was almost insulting. If he was just going to throw her around on to stuff then he would have to inform the other merry-go-round animals of his poor treatment of her.

Or maybe he won't, because he was pretty sure if he ever went back to the pier he would be arrested on the spot.

Not that that was actually a problem, considering Greed or Envy would bail him out like clockwork, but it sure cut into his time every single day.

The Sin lept over without fear, over jumping enough for his momentum to send him forward against the railing, knocking the wind out of him. Wrath stayed there for at least a few minutes, wheezing slightly and eyeballing the ground. Was the ground supposed to undulate and spin like that? Oh, that was probably not good. He briefly thought that it would be easier for him to just turn into smoke and reform on the ground, but where was the fun in that?

Just as that thought happened, he heard glass shatter and then more breaking glass. Still wheezing, he looked over his shoulder in enough time to see Sour Cream jump into an apartment.

Yep. Sour Cream was much more fun.

Wrath jumped through the window, muttering the Mission Impossible theme to himself as he flung the door to the bedroom open and scouted the area. As he looked for the exit, reenacting his favorite scene from any spy movie from the early 1990s or equivalent, he found himself standing in the dead center of the living room with the littlest person he'd ever seen staring at him with big brown eyes, a plastic tray of microwave mac n cheese on his lap and a fork hovering in the air caught in the middle of its journey into his mouth.

The sound from the TV sounded an awful lot like Spanish, but Wrath didn't understand a lick of it.

He looked at the TV to see what he was watching and--

HOLY SHIT WAS THAT INUYASHA?

"Dude, you're watching Inuyasha, fucking rad!" He dropped onto the couch, taking the mac and cheese and fork from child's slack hands and shoveling it into his mouth. "What episode are you on? Aw man is Koga in this one? Aw shit this is my jam!"