You'll Be In My Heart

A year.

Dear God, it had been a year.

Sabriel looked down, his hands folded between his open legs. He leaned forward in the bench, sitting at the very edge of the seat, his right leg bouncing gently in anticipation. His black hair fell and covered his face and his stare was concentrated at the dirty tiled floor, hearing people walk by, talking, occasionally seeing their shoes as they passed. That wasn’t what his mind was on, however; his mind was on the train that would be pulling in within moments and the certain passenger on board who he was dying to see.

His head shot up when he heard the announcement that the train had arrived and he stood so fast his knees went weak. His heart was racing and he swallowed, realizing that his mouth was suddenly dry. “Damn it,” he said, scanning the sudden crowd for his beloved January. He couldn't miss him… he just couldn't!

He heard his name called, but Sabriel was too short to see above the other people in the crowd. Move! he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs, push people away. He had to see him – he didn’t know how he had survived a year without him, without his voice, his touch, his love. It had almost been unbearable and there had been so many sleepless nights, trying to calm himself out of hallucinations and mood swings and every other ailment that plagued him.

But it was so hard without him.

And then he felt a pair of arms snake around his waist. Sabriel turned his head and moved his hands to rest atop January’s, resting his head against his chest, hearing his heart beating. “I missed you too,” he said softly, turning around so that he could look at January’s face. He lifted his hands to caress each of his cheeks before sliding them around to the nape of his neck, pulling him down and delivering a tender kiss to his lips.

“… A lot,” he giggled when he released him. “You don’t know how I’ve been dying to see you again… I love you.”

“We’re getting into that argument again?” Sabriel asked, a grin spreading across his face. January’s lips against his forehead brought forth a sigh of content from the boy, his grin melting into a warm smile. “I’ll let you win, then, as a welcome home present. But that’s only for now.” He poked his tongue out in a teasing manner. How had he managed to survive without joking with this man, without everything they shared?

It didn’t matter now. They had made it and things would be back to normal in the coming days.

He pouted a little when January brought up his height. “Yeah, yeah,” he grumbled, although he was hardly being serious. He didn’t care if January poked fun at how short he was. Sabriel liked being short; it meant January could completely engulf him in his arms and protect him from the world. “You know I’d wait for you forever. You’re the only one I ever want, silly.”

Sabriel ran his thumb lightly over January’s knuckles. People’s stares still bothered him as well, and frankly he just wanted to go somewhere where it could just be the two of them without having to worry about anyone else’s thoughts. “I somehow managed to take care of the apartment while you were gone,” he mentioned casually as they walked toward their home. “It was so empty without you, though…”

Sabriel continued to smile, too overwhelmed by January’s presence not to. He shook his head, though, when the older man brought up the paintings. “It wasn’t the lack of furnishing that made it empty…” he said quietly, unsure if January had realized that or not. “It was the lack of you.” He breathed deeply. January’s scent had been washed out of the pillows and bed sheets after all those months of being washed, although Sabriel had done his best to try and preserve that so he had something. It had been no use, though; the little pieces of January that he had tried to keep around had all disappeared after time, except for the multiple pictures of course. There was no force on earth, or Heaven and Hell for that matter, that could make him dispose of those pictures.

They got to the apartment rather quickly and Sabriel’s gaze softened when January pressed a kiss to his hand. “A present?” His eyebrows shot up and his eyes widened with shock. “Oh, darling, you didn’t have to…” He squeezed January’s hand. He didn’t object to any sort of gift, though; he accepted anything January had to offer him.

Sabriel led him into the apartment. Immediately the place seemed a lot brighter to him, so much warmer now with his lower in tow. It wasn’t just a place to stay anymore, it was really, really home – that place Sabriel had been searching for, for the majority of his life.

“Well… welcome home,” he said quietly, releasing January’s hand and standing in front of him, opening his arms wide to gesture to the place.

Sabriel watched as January pulled out the canvas, gasping and covering his mouth with his hands when he finally saw it. “Oh, January…” he whispered, lowering his hands to take the picture from him. The resemblance was easy to see; it was like looking in a mirror. January was so talented… and as if his immeasurable artistic ability wasn’t enough, he’d said it was so that he’d have something to remember him with.

He was pulled back into January’s arms and didn’t resist. Sabriel wrapped his arms around the older man, burying his head into his chest and smiling against him at those words. Even after a year of being without each other, this love was so deep, so profound; it almost made his heart ache to think about how much he loved the man before him.

“You don’t know what kind of a hell it was without you,” he said softly. “I mean, you know, I made it through, ‘cause I knew you needed to be away, and I didn't want to be selfish, but still.” Sabriel looked up, his eyes glistening somewhat. “The painting… Janny, it’s beautiful. Let’s not be apart for that long again, okay? I don’t think I could make it again.” Maybe he sounded naïve, but he couldn’t help it. He was only sixteen, but regardless he loved January so much. So, so much. Sabriel forced himself to chuckle and he kissed whatever flesh he could reach, enjoying this nearness again. “… I’m whole again now that you’re back,” he said, almost embarrassed that he had said something so cheesy. But it was true – a part of him had become so empty without January around him.

“But… anyway… everything went well where you were, right?” he inquired.

I promise.

Promises were everything to him... January knew that. Sabriel smiled into the kiss, closing his eyes despite the fact that it was brief. He'd missed those lips, missed the warm feeling that those kisses produced in his tummy.

Sabriel took January's hand again, gently entwining their fingers together. He inhaled deeply when January kissed his neck, tilting his head to the side a little bit so he could have more room. "It was... okay," he said, deciding it was better to be honest. "I don't think I hurt myself. Well, bad, at least. I took my medicine, too... well most of it. You know how much I hate that stuff but without you I didn't exactly have a choice..."

He removed his hand from January's and wrapped his arms around his waist, grabbing at the fabric of his shirt to pull him closer.

"School's fine. There really isn't much to talk about." Sabriel still didn't have that many friends - but he was passing his courses and he figured that was all that mattered. "And yes, I know I'm taller. I just hope I don't get taller than you... I won't be able to snuggle into you so easily if that happens!"

Sabriel's eyes widened when January mentioned bed. Bed? It wasn't even that late! He'd been going to bed later than this when January hadn't been around. He didn't have to act like a parent when they were a couple. A frown pulled his lips downward and he debated what words to use in protest. He didn't want to defy or deny January, but it had been a year. All he wanted to do was hear his voice, be near him, feel the things he hadn't been able to feel through letters or phone calls.

"You can sleep in my arms tonight."

That morose state was immediately wiped away and Sabriel looked up, allowing himself to be tugged wherever January led him, which just happened to be the bedroom. "I missed that," he confided, smiling and willingly following after the older man. "We can stay up for a while, then, right? It's not that late and I just..." He trailed off.

"I just want to be near you, is all," Sabe finished quietly.

Sabriel gasped sharply when January lifted him and held him like a bride. He wrapped his arms around January's neck for added support, although he didn't need it for very long. They fell into the bed and he laughed, even though he didn't want to go to bed. One more poor night's sleep couldn't do anything to him... but he knew January wouldn't go for that. January loved him too love to let him do anything unhealthy to himself.

He made no move to try and be released from January's hold. This wasn't what he wanted and yet at the same time, Sabriel wanted nothing more than to just lay next to him. His face turned a soft shade of pink when January kissed his head so tenderly and he moved his body closer to the older man's, feeling what little warmth still emanated from him.

Buh-bum, buh-bum, the sound of January's heart echoed in Sabriel's ear. It was strong, fast; beating for him. Sabriel moved his arms, one wrapping around January's side and the other trailing up so that his hand could rest on January's breast.

"You're too good to me," he whispered, entangling his legs with January's.