He had a point there, she supposed. She let her hand slip from his shoulder as her smile wavered. "You know, before Adrastia I was actually pretty quiet and polite? I worked hard so I could get into a good college and make my mom proud. And by some odd chance, I ended up a superhero.
"I think all of you could live without it, but I can't. Somewhere along the way, Rory was just a mask for Adrastia and now? Now I have to be Rory again and... I'm not brave enough to be Adrastia without the costume."
Jude was having a really hard time figuring out quiet and polite. It just didn't fit his picture of Rory at all. She was always... outgoing? Intense? He coudl think of a lot of words to describe her, and none of them fit quiet. Maybe polite.
"Be Adrastia, if that's who you want to be," Jude said. "You're like, the bravest person I know." He actually looked kind of incredulous at the idea of Rory not being brave enough to be Adrasia without the costume. Like she'd just said she was growing a second head, or was confessing that she'd secretly been in love with Calliope the whole time.
"What... what's the worst that could really happen?"
Rory wasn't sure. What was the worst that could happen? "I could lose you guys," she said before she had a chance to stop herself. "I know that's silly. But you're all I have left. I need... I need to be at my best for you guys. And without the mask, Adrastia doesn't feel the best."
That was stupid and irrational, she knew that, but this mental block wouldn't leave. "And I'm probably the stupidest person you know."
"You're not stupid," Jude countered, frowning as he fixed her with a firm stare. "Not even close. But Adrastia's still you. Like... you're drawing up a line between two things that are the same. Everything you did as Adrastia, that was you."
He didn't know why she didn't see that, but then he'd never had much of a divide between his hero self and his normal self. He'd barely had a normal self by the end.
"Logically I know that. I mean, I know it's irrational, but Adrastia was the change I wanted to see in the world. The things I couldn't be when I was Rory because it'd all come back on my family. Because it'd stop me from moving on in life like I needed to so I could protect them."
She snorted, rubbing her arm at the shoulder. "I'm trying to remember that it was all me, and I'm trying to be... well me, but it's something I think will take awhile."
"You'll figure it out," Jude said, trying to sound reassuring. "Nothing changed. You're still you."
But he'd already said that, hadn't he? Jude hesitated for a long moment, glancing over Rory before turning away again.
"I don't know how to help you in this case. I don't... know how to remind you that Adrastia and Rory are the same person. I'm not really good at this kind of, uh, motivational speaking."
"It's fine. I mean, sooner or later I'll have to figure it out, right? It's nice... It's nice knowing you think I can be both. Or that you think I've got it in me. That's kind of all I can ask for."
She turned and leaned back against the counter, arms crossed and head tilted downward as she mulled over their conversation.
"I'm always going to believe in you," Jude said, frowning a bit. He wished she knew that, but thinking about it... he probably hadn't done a very good job of making that clear. Of making sure she knew.
He was kind of bad at that.
"I'm glad we can talk too. I kind of... missed this. Things feel... I guess unusually calm?"
He paused for a moment, glancing out the window and then back to Rory.
"Should we... go to bed? Because it's kind of late, and honestly I'm kind of tired."
He had a point there, she supposed. She let her hand slip from his shoulder as her smile wavered. "You know, before Adrastia I was actually pretty quiet and polite? I worked hard so I could get into a good college and make my mom proud. And by some odd chance, I ended up a superhero. 