You Won't Guess What I've Been Doing

"He can't empathize," Rory said. "Caring about something and being good toward it are different things, Jude. But my point is, he never will. Even if he could. Because he doesn't want to. That'd put him in a vulnerable spot. And if you haven't noticed, Broen doesn't like to be vulnerable.

"Some shit happened to him. Way before Abernathy. His dad did something. But he cares about that. If he didn't, he wouldn't be going so far out of his way to do everything opposite to his dad. Or loathe literally every trait and action that is similar to his father. That is shit people who don't care just don't do."

She scowled at his expression. "You know, I'm actually pretty observant, or I wouldn't be so good at tactics."

"I didn't say he wasn't screwed up. I'm very much saying he is screwed up. He was probably screwed up before the school."

And now, Rory needed her frigging textbook again, to give her something to do. One day, Jude was going to have to learn that just because people didn't experience the things he did, or the way he did, didn't mean they didn't understand them. It wasn't a black or white kind of question. He cared. He didn't care. He cares the way you care. He cares the way I care. None of those could be right answers.

When Jude began talking again, Rory looked over her shoulder at him, pursed her lips, and pat the spot next to her at the table for him to sit down. Nope, never mind about the damn history book.

"Believe it or not, Jude I get it. It was terrifying for everyone there, but I'm never going to say it's impossible that something broken can't be fixed. Especially people. It's a matter of wanting to try for it." What was a better way to say it? She drummed her fingers on the table.

"If you give things like that — like the school — the power in you giving up, that's how they win. Do you... want to talk about the nightmares?"

Lorelei nodded slowly and because Jude didn't seem to want to sit, she had to stand and go over to him, prop her hip against the counter.

She was quiet for a while, clearing thinking hard about something. "That school didn't get you, Jude. They tried to destroy you by taking your strength, but that... that can't be taken from you. You won't let it. Because you know what you did? You go up. You fought. And you can always fight and you can always win, you just have to keep trying at it."

She played with some loose fabric on her clothing, bundled and twisted a part of her shirt in her hands. Lorelei had never told them how she and Charlotte had found them. It'd never really come up.

"People will always be there to tell you it's impossible, but you can't believe them. They just haven't found a way yet, or they're too scared to try."

When she looked up at him again, there was that intensity in her eyes. The kind she wore in the mask. The kind Lorelei shouldn't have had because Rory was quiet and polite where Adrastia wasn't. "You will survive, Jude. You'll make it out of this. You're strong enough. I can see that. Hell, I can feel it. I can be confident in it enough for the both of us. And if you need me there? I'll be there to catch you."

Rory further approached Jude, laying her hand on his shoulder. She couldn't tilt his head upward without fucking him up, but she could do this while he was wearing a shirt.

"Don't plan it," she told him. "Just feel it."

For the first time in a long time, Rory and Jude felt like friends again. Family even. Her team. Her people. Even Broen. It was all any of them really had left. Each other.

"You'll always be enough, Jude." She laughed breathlessly. "You, Kaiju, and Janelle — fuck, even Broen — you're all adapting so well. There's no question in my mind. We can. We can and we will.

"But don't, for one second, ever believe you aren't enough. You're Jude. No one can replace you. No one could ever be what you are. You're too unique. And you're going to be okay. I'll tell you that, every day for the rest of our lives if I have to."

That made Rory laugh again, this one felt like the type of laugh that came from pent-up tension. "Nah. Not so much. Guess I don't do so well without my mask. But you're avoiding."