with some considerations

Hecate grimaced just by watching him. If she had to be honest, she had foggy memories back in the lab when they had done the experiments on her. Like she was high on hallucinogens and her veins had been pumped with anesthesia for most of the time until they were checking for compatibility test. She raised her palm up inspecting the lines, her gaze following the unnatural circular crack on it. She couldn't remember everything but one of the things she couldn't forget was the hell she went through for those.

A sigh went past her lips before she walked to Zach. She sat in front of him wordlessly, pulling his arms away from his head and gently laid down to his lap palm-up. "The memories aren't just going to go away by hitting your head like that," she said quietly as she laid her own hands over his, palm up so that he could see the cracks of her palms. Normal humans had three lines across theirs, but Hecate had more than that — a clear reminder that it wasn't just a nightmare. "I don't think they're ever going to just go away and it could just as well keep following us until we die."

"This is the only thing that stayed visible," Hecate corrected him after a moment. She held her arms close to herself, while even in the hug. She continued when she'd pulled away. "You probably don't remember anything but this is where my weapons are. They embedded a lot of wires and metals into my arms--practically replaced the bones inside. They burned more than once, burned off the flesh, and everthing; I had to endure all of it for the experiment to work." Hecate wondered if it was worth it. She wondered if quitting the project invalidated the goal that she clung to for survival.

She had to wonder if there was any meaning left now, when before all this, she had fought to live 'for project to succeed'. "The only meaning I had to hold onto was striving the world better as time passed on for all of us. The meaning... was creating a utopia. But you make it seem like I was blindly following a lie." A moment passed in silence before she spoke again, "I don't know what it should be now."

Hecate held her hands close to her, closing her palms. She couldn't feel the wires anymore. Whatever therapy they did to her, it had numbed her nerves, like it had fooled her own mind to thinking they were natural. It wasn't so much as torture, but it was just as much painful. "You wouldn't have known." You wouldn't have cared if I was more like the other peacekeepers. She kept that thought to herself. He didn't need to hear it.

She didn't respond for a while, not even moving at all and her eyes just steady on the ground. She missed the smile Zach showed her, though she could hear it in his voice. It didn't ease her; if anything, it seemed only to worry her. Oftentimes, she wondered if she really did have such a goal in mind. There were many questions that came to her once she began discovering the secrets of their project. One of them were her memories; the other, her real motives. "Would you really be like this... this kind to me... if I were truly under their control, Zach?" she asked him quietly.

A heavy sigh passed Hecate's lips. "What really has happened here?" she mused aloud. "I was sent out this far on a mission. I already found my objective and all I really need to do is complete my mission. I've almost done it once, surely I could do it again." Her voice was low and distant, as if she wasn't the one speaking herself. Almost like she was in a trance but it quickly passed when she spoke again.

"But then I let you go." With that, she pushed away from him. Hecate kept her gaze on the distance between them but even without seeing the look in her eyes, the way she held her head told enough. "I can still go but I've been having doubts, and the longer I stay here just makes it worse. I haven't gone anywhere: I'm just stuck." This island changes you. The words haunted her, and she was actually afraid of it. "The now here is... so frustrating! What am I supposed to do!? It's driving me mad!"

Hecate realized in time that Zach had stood up, aiming to leave. For a moment her voice failed her; she couldn't seem to call out. Her lips trembled. "Z-Zach, wait! she stammered out, coming off louder than she had intended. There were more important things than that at the moment.

She breathed deeply, trying to collect herself, wanting it that they parted on more favorable terms this time. "I-I'm sorry I... I just haven't been able to adjust yet," she explained weakly. She seemed to hesitate for a split second. "But.. when I do... can... c-can I see you again?"