"Julio? Julio, please wake up! I beg of you, please wake up...!"
It had not gone like this in the past. They had come to their door, grim expressions on their faces. Shul had known, just known, that Julio was gone. Julio had told Shul how it happened, how they came and told the loved ones and relatives that the person fallen was gone. And though Shul remembered the slight disgust in their eyes, because Shul was a man, he had only felt such deep sorrow. Sorrow that felt like it ripped his heart apart. Maybe it did. After all, Julio had been the one holding his heart in his hands. And now that he was gone Shul's heart dropped and shattered into pieces.
But now Shul was kneeling in front of Julio. He was in his mission clothes, he had shown them to Shul so many times and they had roleplayed and made love while he had worn them. But those moments were long gone from Shul's mind now when Julio was slowly bleeding his life out onto the ground. Shul was pressing his hand desperately against the single bullet wound atop his heart, but the blood wouldn't stop. And neither would Shul's tears.
"You idiot, you can't do this to me! Don't leave me! We still haven't seen that play you suggested!"
Shul's desperate pleas were in vain, he knew that. Julio was already gone. Shul closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Julio's chest. His body was getting so cold already. Cold and...hard?
Shul lifted his head and looked at Julio's face. But it wasn't Julio anymore. His face had been replaced by a black motorcycle helmet, and his body was now taller and sturdier. At first Shul was confused but then his mind cleared and the sorrow returned.
"Sark? Why...?"
Shul noticed that there was a hole on Sark's chest too. But it was big and Shul could see it reached all the way through Sark's body. His chest was empty. Then Sark sat up and turned to look at Shul. And though Sark didn't have expressions Shul could feel he was looking at him with with pure hatred and disgust.
"Leave"
That single word could be heard from Sark's mouth as he stood up and yanked Shul up with him. Then Sark threw Shul against a wall, the wall in his apartment. They were there again, and Sark was yelling at Shul again.
“Why are you here?! Why don’t you leave me alone?!”
Shul couldn't breathe, not when Sark was pushing him against the wall by the throat. Shul grabbed his arm but it wouldn't budge.
"Stop it Sark! What are you doing?! Why?! What did I do?!"
Something in the back of Shul's mind whispered those words weren't for him. But Shul's fear, sorrow and pain was too great and they drowned out the voice.
Shul started crying again, slow and bitter tears. Why did this always happen to him? All the people he loved were driven away. First Julio, then Richard and Adam. And finally Ivan, that son of a bitch. Shul was tired tired, tired...
Shul's breath felt his breath get blocked bit he didn't care. He looked at Sark, really looked at him. And felt the flicker he had felt so long ago with another. Another he had lost, that had been ripped away from him.
Shul grimaced, he wouldn't let it happen again. Not anymore, after he had had the courage to try after such a long time.
Shul slowly tightened his grip around Sark's arm and sprouted his wings and claws. The claws dug into Sark's arm and he let go, stepping back several steps. Blood began flowing from the wounds Shul's claws had made. But Sark didn't bleed. Shul coughed and stood up, his wings spread and claws out. He glared at Sark. No, it wasn't Sark.
"You're not Sark. Sark would never hurt me, not intentionally. But I can feel your genuine hatred. You're not Sark. You're not the one I love."
With those words the fake Sark disappeared and was again replaced by Julio. The one alive. Shul smiled and sighed and stepped forward. He gently touched Julio's cheek, and Julio covered Shul's hand with his. The Julio, that handsome Italian devil, smiled his lopsided smile at Shul.
"You've found a messy one, my angel. Strong, but messy."
Shul gasped a bit and started crying. It had been so long since he had heard those words. "My angel". He had missed it. But...
"I miss you Julio. I couldn't say goodbye. Shit, my last words to you were 'Buy toilet paper.'. How lame is that?"
Shul laughed a little and Julio wiped away his tears. Shul looked up at Julio and his lips trembled.
"You know Julio, he reminds me of you. Just a tiny bit. You're both such weirdoes. Weirdoes who need to be my fucking heroes. I don't get it..."
Shul shook his head as his voice broke and he let his head sink. Julio lifted it up again and gave Shul a soft kiss, smiling like always.
"It's because you're worth being a hero for. Shul, I loved you so much. But you're not mine anymore. And I can't be yours. Your heart has started to become someone elses."
Julio let go, his touch fleeting. Shul didn't try to reach for him when he stepped back a little.
"Goodbye Shul. Maybe we'll see again when you come to this side. God knows how long that will take."
Julio turned away laughing and the sound of his laughter still rang in Shul's ears when he opened his eyes.
Shul was in his bed, and his hands hurt like hell. Shul grimaced and looked at his fingers. He had really sprouted his claws, and his sheets were covered in blood. His bloody fingernails were scattered on the bed. Gross.
Shul sighed and began zoning out. He remembered every second of the dream, and he could feel the wetness of his cheeks. Shul had never seen a dream like that. Where Julio actually talked to him. But just remembering the man's voice and laughter made Shul smile. And remembering Sark...
Shul sighed again, heavily, and shook his head. It couldn't go on like this. Shul wouldn't let it. He really cared for that idiot, just like Julio had said.
Shul hopped out of bed, his intention to change the sheets. After bandaging his fingers, of course. Shul glanced at his fingers and groaned. It would be a pain in the ass to wait for the nails to grow back, and to explain his hands to everyone. Shul would have to wear gloves or something.
Shul took a deep breath and returned his usual small smile on his face. It felt natural, good. It was 4am, too late to go back to sleep. Shul decided to change bandage his fingers, change the sheets, eat and look over the schedule for today. He got to work, ignoring the worry that was still looming at the back of his mind.
It had not gone like this in the past. They had come to their door, grim expressions on their faces. Shul had known, just known, that Julio was gone. Julio had told Shul how it happened, how they came and told the loved ones and relatives that the person fallen was gone. And though Shul remembered the slight disgust in their eyes, because Shul was a man, he had only felt such deep sorrow. Sorrow that felt like it ripped his heart apart. Maybe it did. After all, Julio had been the one holding his heart in his hands. And now that he was gone Shul's heart dropped and shattered into pieces.
But now Shul was kneeling in front of Julio. He was in his mission clothes, he had shown them to Shul so many times and they had roleplayed and made love while he had worn them. But those moments were long gone from Shul's mind now when Julio was slowly bleeding his life out onto the ground. Shul was pressing his hand desperately against the single bullet wound atop his heart, but the blood wouldn't stop. And neither would Shul's tears.
"You idiot, you can't do this to me! Don't leave me! We still haven't seen that play you suggested!"
Shul's desperate pleas were in vain, he knew that. Julio was already gone. Shul closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against Julio's chest. His body was getting so cold already. Cold and...hard?
Shul lifted his head and looked at Julio's face. But it wasn't Julio anymore. His face had been replaced by a black motorcycle helmet, and his body was now taller and sturdier. At first Shul was confused but then his mind cleared and the sorrow returned.
"Sark? Why...?"
Shul noticed that there was a hole on Sark's chest too. But it was big and Shul could see it reached all the way through Sark's body. His chest was empty. Then Sark sat up and turned to look at Shul. And though Sark didn't have expressions Shul could feel he was looking at him with with pure hatred and disgust.
"Leave"
That single word could be heard from Sark's mouth as he stood up and yanked Shul up with him. Then Sark threw Shul against a wall, the wall in his apartment. They were there again, and Sark was yelling at Shul again.
“Why are you here?! Why don’t you leave me alone?!”
Shul couldn't breathe, not when Sark was pushing him against the wall by the throat. Shul grabbed his arm but it wouldn't budge.
"Stop it Sark! What are you doing?! Why?! What did I do?!"
Something in the back of Shul's mind whispered those words weren't for him. But Shul's fear, sorrow and pain was too great and they drowned out the voice.
Shul started crying again, slow and bitter tears. Why did this always happen to him? All the people he loved were driven away. First Julio, then Richard and Adam. And finally Ivan, that son of a bitch. Shul was tired tired, tired...
Shul's breath felt his breath get blocked bit he didn't care. He looked at Sark, really looked at him. And felt the flicker he had felt so long ago with another. Another he had lost, that had been ripped away from him.
Shul grimaced, he wouldn't let it happen again. Not anymore, after he had had the courage to try after such a long time.
Shul slowly tightened his grip around Sark's arm and sprouted his wings and claws. The claws dug into Sark's arm and he let go, stepping back several steps. Blood began flowing from the wounds Shul's claws had made. But Sark didn't bleed. Shul coughed and stood up, his wings spread and claws out. He glared at Sark. No, it wasn't Sark.
"You're not Sark. Sark would never hurt me, not intentionally. But I can feel your genuine hatred. You're not Sark. You're not the one I love."
With those words the fake Sark disappeared and was again replaced by Julio. The one alive. Shul smiled and sighed and stepped forward. He gently touched Julio's cheek, and Julio covered Shul's hand with his. The Julio, that handsome Italian devil, smiled his lopsided smile at Shul.
"You've found a messy one, my angel. Strong, but messy."
Shul gasped a bit and started crying. It had been so long since he had heard those words. "My angel". He had missed it. But...
"I miss you Julio. I couldn't say goodbye. Shit, my last words to you were 'Buy toilet paper.'. How lame is that?"
Shul laughed a little and Julio wiped away his tears. Shul looked up at Julio and his lips trembled.
"You know Julio, he reminds me of you. Just a tiny bit. You're both such weirdoes. Weirdoes who need to be my fucking heroes. I don't get it..."
Shul shook his head as his voice broke and he let his head sink. Julio lifted it up again and gave Shul a soft kiss, smiling like always.
"It's because you're worth being a hero for. Shul, I loved you so much. But you're not mine anymore. And I can't be yours. Your heart has started to become someone elses."
Julio let go, his touch fleeting. Shul didn't try to reach for him when he stepped back a little.
"Goodbye Shul. Maybe we'll see again when you come to this side. God knows how long that will take."
Julio turned away laughing and the sound of his laughter still rang in Shul's ears when he opened his eyes.
Shul was in his bed, and his hands hurt like hell. Shul grimaced and looked at his fingers. He had really sprouted his claws, and his sheets were covered in blood. His bloody fingernails were scattered on the bed. Gross.
Shul sighed and began zoning out. He remembered every second of the dream, and he could feel the wetness of his cheeks. Shul had never seen a dream like that. Where Julio actually talked to him. But just remembering the man's voice and laughter made Shul smile. And remembering Sark...
Shul sighed again, heavily, and shook his head. It couldn't go on like this. Shul wouldn't let it. He really cared for that idiot, just like Julio had said.
Shul hopped out of bed, his intention to change the sheets. After bandaging his fingers, of course. Shul glanced at his fingers and groaned. It would be a pain in the ass to wait for the nails to grow back, and to explain his hands to everyone. Shul would have to wear gloves or something.
Shul took a deep breath and returned his usual small smile on his face. It felt natural, good. It was 4am, too late to go back to sleep. Shul decided to change bandage his fingers, change the sheets, eat and look over the schedule for today. He got to work, ignoring the worry that was still looming at the back of his mind.
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