Utilitarian Wishes

A secret. He just had to say it, and the debt would be paid, and he'd have his power. It felt like a devil's deal, only Jericho had been nothing but up front, and everything he knew about him made the whole thing made perfect sense. He was a god. This was worship.

He just had to make himself say it.

"I'm terrified of - of the lights going out. Not the dark, but when the lights go out and I can't tell why. If I turn it out, okay. If I see someone turn it out, okay. But if they just go - if they just go out."

His speech was littered with stops and starts, but it was all coming out in one big go. One big... thing. Once he'd started, it felt like there was no stopping it.

"I know why, but that doesn't-" Was that part of his secret? The why? Maybe, and he'd gone too far to stop, so he simply said it anyway. "Someone tried to kill me. The lights went out. And I woke up weeks later in the hospital missing half my body. And every time the lights go out, my brain just replays it. So I just don't. I don't sleep, so I don't dream about it anymore. The idea of anyone finding out makes me - makes me feel sick."

He couldn't even say the next bit. Couldn't even imagine what his dad would say. What he'd feel. Pity, probably. Anger, maybe, at himself for not realizing it. But Angelo had put a lot of effort into hiding it. He didn't sleep anymore. A lot of the times when he slept, he stayed up anyway. The island rarely had storms, and he made a point of, whenever it might be an issue, keeping his eye on the light switch.

So it wouldn't be an issue.

So no one would know.

He felt vaguely ill, just from saying it, and a part of him wondered if a year of worship might not have been easier.

Ugh. He felt ill. The whole thing made him feel queasy, and even as he said it, his brain was screaming at him. He shouldn't have said it. Prayer would have been the better option. Giving a secret like that to someone he only sort of knew? His father would be mortified.

It meant that Jericho was right. He needed to talk to someone about it. He was going to have to find someone, and find a way to make sure his dad would never find out, and...

And and and. There was a lot. He would have to handle it later.

Especially because he was distracted by Jerichos... thing.

All of a sudden he was just blank, and Angelo's eyebrows went up, looking at him with obvious confusion.

"I... yeah, probably. Are you alright?"

Well. That was confusing. Maybe someone else might have just left, but Angelo? Angelo hadn't gotten to be an actual honest to god superhero by just walking away.

"You were talking, and hten you just stopped mid-sentence and went kind of... blank. Is that normal for you...?"

Oh. Oh Jesus. That was. That was something, and Angelo winced.

So he was a recovering god. Gathering worship and admiration to keep himself from disappearing. But he wasn't fully... well, recovered.

Okay.

"Maybe you should... uh. Talk to someone about that." Weird to say it, but he thought it deserved to be said. "I think there might be... side effects? But... yeah."

Okay, maybe he was going past what was his territory.

"Thank you, though. For all this."

He wasn't going to leave with him, but he was going to leave not too long after.