Private Finished Truth and Love

It was a quite and... awkward flight back to their dorm. Having caught her brother smelling of booze and... other sins... its been a difficult night for Johanna. In fact their whole time spent on this island has been... a trail for her. She felt as if everything is slipping and the only thing keeping her anchored as her brother whom she was afraid of losing. The longer they stay here the more she feels like that she is losing him. Yes Hadrian reaffirmed how much he cared for her but...

"Yes... go ahead and clean yourself up. We can... talk once you have rinsed yourself." responded Johanna, watching him enter the bathroom. Though her brother suggest she watch TV and eat snacks but... she did neither. Instead Johanna sat on the edge of her bed, looking down at her fingers interlocked against each her as she was lost in her thoughts. As she dwelled on her past and anxieties for the future, she nearly didn't Hadrian exiting the shower until spoke.

"Oh... yes you were mentioning earlier..." spoke Johanna she she quickly looked to Hadrian, there was a momentary flutter in her heart as she gazed upon her brothers abs... something that she has seen many times before but having not expecting such a site left her a bit... distracted. She quickly put these distracting thoughts aside and looked to her brother face as he sits with her.

"What I think you?" asked Johanna, a first a bit surprised but then smiles warmly to him "I... think the world of you. Yes there have been... recent disappointments but... in the end I know your heart has always been in the right place. The way you make all the stress in my life... fade away was something I always admired about you... even if you were sometimes the cause of that stress." admitted Johanna as she closes her eyes and inhales slowly. It was true that she thought the world of her bother. He was... well... everything to her. And while she tries to delude herself that she loves him as brother... deep it was something... at little more that Hadrian would feel.

Johanna froze, color flushed from her face was she could not hide the wide-eyed fear in her golden eyes. Her mind raced for explanations, for excuses, for anything to say to say to deny it but... how can she admit to such sinful thoughts and fancies. To tell them would be an admission of her own failings of being a proper angel... something that she had spent her entire existence to uphold.

"I... I..." Johanna, then touches the spot where her brother kissed on her cheek. After rubbing that spot for a moment she clears her throat and resumes "... I do love you but... you must be mistaken. These new powers you claim to have are... still developing yes? Prehaps you need more fine tuning to... understand what it is your feeling." question Johanna as she sits up and takes a few steps away from Hadrian. She slowly turns to him, a frown on her face.

"Hadrian... you know its not proper for either of us to view each other in such... in such of a lecherous manner. For me to think of you... my brother, my own flesh and blood to be an object of desire would be... sinful. Such impure thoughts are only permitted by... demons and the depraved! Not... not godly angels such as us." argued Johanna, clutching her fist as she... tries to hold it together.

"Hadrian I... I didn't lie I just-" can't tell the truth she thought to herself? She tried to evade the question by deflecting it onto Hadrian still needing master his powers. Even if Hadrian sill required practice to understand his new ability... it did not erase the fact that she loved and desired him. Something that she... can't admit to.

"If... if you say that you really know how I feel... then you of all people must understand why... why I can't admit to what I really feel about its." spoke up Johanna as she pushes herself away from Hadrian, her body trembling as she takes a step back from her brother. She lowers her head a bit in shame... in the shame of her lecherous feelings for her brother, her Hadrian, now exposed.

"I... I don't know why I think of you in such ways... I don't why but I'm disgusted with myself for having them! And... you should be disgusted with me too okey!?" shrieked Johanna, breathing haggardly. Her hands ball up into fist, her wings flex open enough to knock over a lamp on a nightstand. The lamp rolls off and lands on the floor, a glaring crack appears on its cheep plastic exterior. Johanna didn't seem to really care about the lamp at the moment, she she like the lamp she knocked over... was cracking. In metaphorical sense on the inside but cracking under the pressure put herself under nevertheless.

Johanna stares at Hadrian... horrified at her own brother. Her face is frozen with that terrified expression, then looks to her feet in shame. All that she could think in her mind was how she failed in protecting her brother... in allowing him fall from grace. She... she thought she was holding him close but how... it was obvious that they were drawing apart...

"I... I l-love you too Hadrian... but... I... I failed you." states Johanna as her eyes are now transfixed onto the black plumage on his wings. "Black... such a terrible color on my beloved Hadrian... you have changed... changed in ways that... that... "

Johanna sighs, then tries to hold up her head, tears welling in her eyes... a rare sight for a usually headstrong angel.

"I... I don't think I can... I need to excuse myself Hadrian. I ask that y-you don't follow me..." ordered Johanna as she turns her back on her brother, her hand covering her face so that she can try to muffle the tears in her eyes as she walks to the door and tries to leaves. Her body felt... sick, her heady dizzy of confusing and conflicting thoughts.